Jon Hamm Wants Everyone To Stop Talking About His Hammaconda

Rolling Stone brought up the long, thick, veiny circumcised elephant in Jon Hamm’s pants and asked him how he feels about the fact that his jaw-breaking Hammaconda has launched a dozen Tumblrs and has become a bigger (in every sense of the word) star than him. Jon finished feeding his Hammaconda its daily lunch of raw steak and live mice before saying that he thinks it’s very rude and inappropriate for hos to constantly obsess over his two ton dick. But you probably didn’t read that sentence since you were too busy morning dreaming about running naked through a lavender field with Jon’s Hammcock as a spring rain falls on the both of you. Pop that dream bubble and read what Jon had to say about how we’re all sucking his dick with our eyes:

“Most of it’s tongue-in-cheek. But it is a little rude. It just speaks to a broader freedom that people feel like they have – a prurience. They’re called ‘privates’ for a reason. I’m wearing pants, for fuck’s sake. Lay off. I mean, it’s not like I’m a fucking lead miner. There are harder jobs in the world. But when people feel the freedom to create Tumblr accounts about my cock, I feel like that wasn’t part of the deal … But whatever. I guess it’s better than being called out for the opposite.”

“I really feel for you, Jon” said Christina Hendricks as the one millionth Tumblr dedicated to her magnificent chichis goes up and a fan asks her right nipple if it can autograph his ass.

Jon can easily get all of us gutter-brained sucio pervs to stop talking about his Great Wall of China dick if he just puts on several pairs of Spanx panties or he can shut us up by showing us his co…. Wait, what were we talking about again? I lost my train of thought when it crashed right into Jon’s mega mega dick.