Kanye West Doesn’t Want To Be In The Same Room As Kim Kartrashian When She Gives Birth To His Spawn

As we all well know (because it’s on the Mayan calendar as the day Kim Kardashian gives birth to a swarm of human-eating locusts that will devour us all), Kim is due to give birth to the Illuminati’s chosen one in a few weeks. Just as Kanye West wasn’t there for the intimate moment when a camera crew from E! recorded Kim’s doctor revealing the sex of the next Kartrashian money maker, he won’t be there when Kustody Kase Kardashian is pulled out of her body. Kanye won’t be there, because ewww blood and ewww vagina.

Some source tells InTouch Weekly that Kanye will be somewhere in the hospital when Kim gives birth (yeah right), but he won’t be in the delivery room with her, because the sight of blood turns his stomach the same way your stomach turns when he opens his mouth to speak. The source said, “He won’t physically be in the delivery room. He’s very squeamish and doesn’t want to be around blood.”

Yeah, I’m sure Kanye will be “somewhere in the hospital.” On Kim’s birthing day, Kanye will say that he tried to stay in the same hospital, but he was still so squeamish that he went to the next city. When his squeamishness didn’t die down, he went to the next state, then the next country, then the next continent and then the next planet. He’s so squeamish that he’s never coming back!

I don’t blame Kanye, though. Who wants to be in the room during Kim’s scheduled C-section? After her baby is pulled out of her body, her plastic surgeons will inject Botox into her internal organs (because wrinkly internal organs are gross) and suck all her fat out with an industrial-strength wet vac before stitching her up and covering her body with a fresh layer wax. And nobody wants to see Khlozilla chew off the umbilical cord and Kim scream out, “Awww, that’s what made me a star,” when her newborn baby girl pisses on her.

Nobody wants to see any that (but everybody will when E! live streams that mess.)