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Anna Wintour and Vogue magazine have apparently turned down Britney Spear's offer to appear on the cover with her new body. Brit had hoped that photos of her and son, Jayden James would appear in the magazine. A source said, "She really wanted the photos to run in Vogue, but they turned her down. She's now reconsidering her options."

She has been offered around $2 million for the photos by other publications, but won't take any money. Why? Because she'll have to give half to KFed.

Britney returned to her doofus ways on a hot night out in NYC on Friday. CVS bags, Santa hat, fugly outfit? Even her bodyguard is grossed out being seen with her.

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Denise Richards has apologized for throwing the laptop of a paparazzi over a balcony, hitting an elderly woman in the arm. She won't face criminal charges. Denise claims she only threw one laptop and not two and she claims that it didn't hit the old lady. She has already settled with the photographers.

She said, "I am not justifying my behavior. It was wrong. I saw one of the photographers, went up to him and offered to give him a few nice shots and asked him to please leave so we can focus on our scene. He wouldn't and he got really belligerent and he was saying vulgar, nasty things to me and made a derogatory remark about my family. I just did what I did and I feel terrible."

It's funny, because this is probably the most publicity this piece of trash movie will receive. The 80-year-old lady that was hit is probably Pamela Anderson. I mean she did suffer a miscarriage. It makes sense to me!

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Edward Scissorhands the dance-musical will make its American debut in San Francisco tonight. Matthew Bourne has reimagined Tim Burton's classic film for the stage. The show was a minor hit in London and producers are hoping to bring it to Broadway.

It is being described as, “Already a hit in London, Edward Scissorhands has toured Asia and the United Kingdom prior to making its North American premiere in San Francisco. A treat for the whole family, this touching and witty gothic fairytale tells the story of a boy created by an eccentric inventor. With only scissors for hands, Edward must find his place in a strange new suburban world where the well-meaning community struggles to see past his appearance to the innocence and gentleness within.”

I know I say this about a lot of things, but this looks like it will go best with a 16 oz. bottle of cheap vodka and some weed. I'm not sure what people are thinking these days, but what the hell? Theater is dead. Some other movie to stage productions in the works or already on board are Legally Blonde, High Fidelity, Heartbreakers, The Little Mermaid and Dirty Dancing.

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Yes, I'm a fag..but I would love nothing more than to cuddle up on Scarlett Johansson's beautiful breastes. It's probably the mama's boy in me. Always yearning to drink the delicious nectar of life, ugh...I'm grossing myself out. So, Scarlett may be on the market soon. Sources close to her claim that she's about to break it off with longtime boyfriend, Josh Hartnett. The pair haven't seen each other in weeks.

A source said, "They are on the rocks. Scarlett is always mad at him, and they are always arguing."

Scarlett will probably run into the arms of Woody Allen. I mean run into the twigs of Woody Allen. Oh well, Josh totally has meth face anyway.

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This is the video from Gwen Stefani's first single "Wind it Up" off her second album. The video is actually kind of hot. I just wish I was drunk, so I could really enjoy it. The song however, sucks hard. I just don't want to hear yodeling...I'm sorry. If I wanted to hear yodeling I'd ride a yak through the mountains of Sweden or wherever they do that or I'd rent the damn Sound of Music. Gwen looks hot, I'll give her that.

Britney Spears has put up the Malibu mansion she shared with KFed up for sale. She's apparently asking around $13 million for the pad. She's hoping to start fresh and put bad memories behind her. She's also mulling a move to New York City. She feels the people have been great to her and she really loves the city. Unfortunately, we don't have an In-N-Out or Coffee Bean here, so she'd be kind of fucked. Britney is in Miami this weekend with the brats working on her album.

On the other side...KFed was spotted checking into a $89 a night motel off the freeway. He was also spotted a Wal-Mart in Maryland buying undies.

Give me a break. This is all for publicity people. He's not that broke, he's just putting on a show. Seriously, this whole thing is getting almost as bad as the Anna Nicole saga. If Britney comes forward saying JJ isn't KFed's, I'm out of here. I mean, he's obviously trying to gain sympathy. Furthermore, he probably bought his undies from Wal-Mart when he was with Britney, cause it's gangster. Ewww, imagine the track marks on his shit.

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Bastard baby alert! Tobey Maguire and his fiance, Jennifer Meyer, have welcomed a baby girl to their family. The untitled creation was brought into this world Thursday night at Cedars in Los Angeles. The couple have been together for three years and will marry soon.

I always get them confused with Matt Damon and his wife. Anyway, no word yet on what they will name their child. Probably something super boring like Poppy or Daisy.

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Tim Roth

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