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Britney Spears said that her New Year's resolution is to get back to her. Um....what has she been doing the past couple of months?! What she needs to do is get back to her kids!

When asked what she wants for 2007, she said, "Stop biting my nails. Just to take care of me more."

Later that night she got back to herself by falling asleep at the club. I know 2006 was a tough year for ass with the being fat thing, having kids thing, getting cheated on thing and sucking at life thing...but come on. She should spend this time to deal with her kids and go away for a while. She needs to get thin again and grow her hair out for real. I'm so sick of those broke weaves!

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Brandon Davis aka Fat Elvis aka Greasy Bear trying to lick his nipple or a Dog Bear licking a fudgsicle stick?

Image Source: Splash VIA ASL

A judge today ordered Anna Nicole Smith to submit her daughter, Danielynn Hope, to a DNA test by January 23rd. Larry Birkhead claims to be Dani's father and wants the truth to come out. He filed legal papers last year demanding a paternity test. Anna's skeezy lawyer, Howard K. Stern, has swore that he is the true baby daddy.

Anna is apparently returned to the Bahamas. Larry's lawyer told the judge that she would have her US based lab go to the Bahamas to conduct the test, so Anna just has to get out of bed and answer the door.

No word yet on when the results will come back.

I'm sure Anna will have Entertainment Tonight pay her to film the event. I'm sure she will then put the test results on eBay.

I kind of want Larry to be the true father. Imagine the drama? I mean....it would be like watching a really hot and long episode of Cops.

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Jennifer Aniston, Courtney Cox, Sheryl Crow and David Arquette spent their New Year's Eve being boring in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. David and company shrugged off the photographers, but Sheryl gave them a big smile. She also held the hand of a mystery man or bull dyke. I can't tell.

This looks like the most boring NYE ever. They probably drank half a glass of Sangria each, played charades, watched a rerun of "Sex and the City" and were in bed by 12:05am. Oh, that was my night. Oh well, there's was still more boring. Just let me think that!

Image Source: Flynet

Diddy is looking for boys and lots of them. Diddy is currently casting a superstar all-male group for the 4th season of Making the Band. He has already turned Danity Kane into a somewhat successful girl-group and now he's giving back to the dudes. He said that he wants his male group to be a cross between N-Sync and New Edition. So, basically he wants them to suck.

Diddy said, "You gotta be able to sing; I’m not looking for rappers.”

The open call starts January 17th in Los Angeles and continues until February 6th in New York. He also recorded a special message in what he's looking for in the men willing to audition.

I have a question though, isn't Danity Kane already a mostly all-male group? I mean at least two of those chicks have dicks.

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I still can't believe Alanis "horsefaced" Morissette is banging the hotness of Ryan Renolds.

Image Source: Celebrity Puke

Jessica Alba is perfect - Hollywood Tuna Matt Damon gets naked - Just Jared

Keanu Reeves needs new clothes - Cityrag

Xtina didn't give out to Ryan Gaycrest on New Years - Popsugar

Teri Snatcher's reasons for not going to the gym - Hollywood Rag

Jessica Simpson never dated Tony Romo - IDLYITW

Rihanna keeps bending over - Crunk +Disorderly

How did Tara Reid spend her New Year? - ASL

No talent Cassie looking hot in a bikini - Egotastic!

Courtney Coxsucker's Dirt premieres tonight - Popbytes

Jessica Alba and her longtime boyfriend, Cash Warren, spent their holiday in Miami. You know I can't ever figure out if I think Cash Warren is hot. I mean the Alba is really hot, but is he hot? I mean is her hotness just transferring to him? Is he just average. I'm so confused. Ugh, who am I fooling? I'd hit it harder than Britney hitting the floor on New Year's Eve.

UPDATE: See the ho behind the lips after the jump! Congrats to Kristi for getting it right first!

Dominique Swain

A Russian Billionaire paid George Michael, $3 million to perform at his New Year's Eve party 20 miles outside of Moscow. The unnamed businessman paid that crazy ho to perform an our-long concert for his 300 guests.

A source said, "The businessman contacted George directly and asked him to perform. He has a vast private estate just outside Moscow and had turned his sports hall into a nightclub especially for the party.

"It was a fun night and George was back home in Britain by morning."

This makes George the highest paid entertainer in Russian history. Christina Aguilera previously received $2 million to perform at the wedding of some rich Russian.

$3 million for George Michael?! What is that crazy Russian smoking? I mean if I'm going to pay that kind of dough, I at least want someone with a little more talent. The Captain & Tennille weren't avaible. Their rate is probably much higher anyway.

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