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Hetero, My Ass

InTouch hired a private investigator named Paul Barresi to find out if Tom Cruise is gay or straight. Paul's final findings are that Tom Cruise is straight as straight can be. Uh huh.

Paul said, "Everything I've found and everything I know points to Tom being heterosexual."

The Scientology goons got to him, right? Yeah, they can be pretty scary. Now Paul needs to use his investigative skills to find out if Tommy Girl is of this planet.

Wait...is this the same P.I. Britney hired to follow KFed? It would make so much sense.

And on that note, I'm out of this bitch! I've got a plane to catch, but I'll be posting tomorrow. Posting will be light through the weekend, but I'll still be posting. Probably half drunk, but you haven't noticed before....or have you? If my plane should crash tell Britney to "eat it, snort it, lick it, fuck it" for me.

Posted by: Michael K

181 comments

Gay • TomKat

I Want One

Sean Kingston wore this Crayola bling necklace on the "Today" show in NYC today. I don't know whether to love or hate it. I love shiny things since I'm gay, but it has every shade of stupid written all over it.

Image: Splash

Posted by: Michael K

108 comments

When We Last Left Our Fighting Lesbians.....

Last time we left our fighting lesbians on "A Shot At Love with Tila Tequila," Vanessa had stormed off and Brandy had told Tila she was leaving. Well, this week Brandy did leave and Tila didn't like it. Bitch broke into some weird crying-yelling-annoying type thing. No wonder Brandy took her trash ass out of the game. Tila's bitch screech drove her away.

Ugh and why do they keep saying they "love" each other. No sweetie, you love Jack Daniels, because that's what's got you using the "l-word" to just about anyone. Needless to say, Brandy came back later asking Tila for a second chance. Tila denied her. Cold.

Oh and Dani is still the finest heshe ever.

Click here if you're having trouble with the video above

Posted by: Michael K

52 comments

Brawls • Gay • Reality TV • Trash

Heidi Klum Really Likes Her Chi-Chis

TMZ has a little promo Heidi Klum shot for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show that airs on December 5th. In the promo Heidi plays with her breastes like I play with mine. Wait, did I just say that?

I bet you Heidi also plays with Seal's pee pee! You know, she probably uses his urethra like a little mouth and does the voice for his penis. I used to do that when I was little. Ok, I still do it. It's fun! God, don't judge.

Click here if you're having trouble with the video above

Posted by: Michael K

77 comments

Heidi Klum

Cum Ball

Paris Hilton continued her "This Is What American Whores Look Like" tour in China today. She spent the day eating dumplings pretty much by herself and shopping pretty much by herself too. Hahah, bitch ain't got no friends!

I hope they played a prank on her and filled those dumplings with dog shit. She probably wouldn't know the diff.