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Wino's Hive Holds A Lot

The Sun claims Amy Wino's hubby, Blaaaake Fielder-Civil, is using a smuggled in celly to make illegal calls in jail. Last week, Blaaake tested positive for heroin and his no-strings visits with his wife have been taken from him. Blakey uses the celly to keep in touch with his wife.

A source said, “I don’t think Blake realises how much trouble he’s in if the screws find it." Nobody knows how Blake got the phone in, but I do. The Wino's hive holds all!

That jail is weak! Blake is able to do heroin and make cell phone calls? That's not a jail, it's a damn Motel 6!

Posted by: Michael K

48 comments

Amy Winehouse

All I Want For Christmas....

....Is for Britney's crazy train to choo-choo all year. This can't happen if she offs herself! Page Six reports that Britney's "bubble of illusion" could end in suicide. Bubble of illusion? I think she already farted that out.

Some expert named Marty Brenner said, "She's losing it now, and she's going to eventually lose it altogether if she doesn't get the help she needs. She's exhibiting bipolar signs, and she's clearly fighting depression."

Stop lying Marty Brenner! I told Santey Claus that all I want for Christmas is for Britney's craziness to continue forever. He told me he could make this wish come true and Santey Claus does not lie! Wait...I did dress my doggie up as Santey Claus last night and this was after I had a few too many champs and oj....FUCK! Well, my doggie dressed as Santey Claus does not tell lies!

Marty Brenner thinks Britney's recent night out where she allegedly screwed a pap has to do with her trash sister being knocked up. "Britney now needs to cry out for even more attention. She's really going for it . . . No one stops to pee that many times. She has a major problem."

The genius known as Marty Brenner went on, "She appears to be crazy. She is disconnected from life. Look how she changes outfits all day . . . She's saying, 'I don't like who I am right now. Maybe I can change it.' Britney also doesn't listen to anybody. Her mom is out of the picture, her kids are gone, and everyone surrounding her is enabling her world of illusion."

Wow Marty? You think she's crazy. Damn, where the hell did you go to school to learn how to be so insightful and wise-like?

Ugh...I need another drink!

Posted by: Michael K

133 comments

Britney Spears • Crazy

Jennifer Love Hewitt Is A Better Person Than I Am

Sorry for the late posting, but I'm drunk. Because of this a lot of my posts today will have major spelling and grammar errors. What's that you say? What's new? SCREW YOU! Go get fucked by a candy cane! I know, it's Christmas. I'll try and be nice.

So...Jennifer Love "I'm a Size 2" Hewitt spent her Christmas eve feeding the homeless at the Los Angeles Mission. While most of us were dealing with the holiday craziness by sucking down anything with booze in it, she was doing good. She looks like a rotten pear left out in the sun too long, but she's still doing good.