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Friday, October 10th 2008

The Old Brit Brit Is Back (Okay, Not Really)

Chester Cheetah's main boo has a new video out for that "Woomanizah" song and homegirl gets buck nekkid. Brit Brit bares her pork chops, ham hocks and greasy chicken thighs in some kind of nude sauna scene. I bet the room smelled like hot dog water and melted weave glue. Brit getting naked is her way of saying, "Frapps does a hide fine, ya'll!"

The rest of the video is Our Lady of Cheetos as a sexy secretary, a skanky waitress and a slutty chauffeur. In the chauffeur scene, Brit Brit steers with one shoe. She probably uses that technique in real life to pick out Slim Jim crumbs from the backseat. She has "skillz."

Overall, this shit is better than her last couple of broke ass videos, but that's not saying much. It's also hard to sit through it, because of the fucking song. I tried so hard to love it, but it's like torture to my ears. All I hear is "woominzah, wommanizah, woomanizah" on repeat. I feel like there's some kind of hidden message underneath the song. Brit Brit's trying to brainwash us. I bet if I play it backwards, I will hear Brit's voice saying, "Go buy Frapp. Brit Brit is purdy. Chester is sexay."

Click here if you can't see the video above.

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, October 10th 2008

Chaplin Or Holmes?

Robert Downey Jr. was in costume today in London for the new Chaplin...I mean...Sherlock Holmes movie. For real. I thought RDJ was dressed as the little tramp for "Chaplin II: The Starbuck Years." Unfortunately, it's for Guy Ritchie's version of Sherlock Holmes.

They should call this crap "Sherlock Hobo" instead, because RDJ looks raggedy as shit! Where the fuck is the little deerstalker cap, the silly pipe or the magnifying glass? Maybe this is Sherlock going undercover as Chaplin? Yeah, I know. Different time periods, but I'm trying to understand.

This shit also stars Jude "Effed Up Hairline" Law as Watson and Rachel McBoring as some broad who will probably scream often.

Here's a few more of Sherlock Chaplin in London today. Guy looks so fucking relaxed and bored for being the movie's director. Shouldn't he be running around and screaming into a bullhorn? Directing a movie is like going on vacation!

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, October 10th 2008

Zac Efron (And His Peen) In Equus?

I like where Broadway is going. I applaud celebrity dudes getting on stage and showing their wangs to a live audience. This is what theater needs. However, Zac Efron's peen is not the dick I had in mind to replace DanRad's wang in "Equus" on Broadway.

Zac tells The Sun that he's ready to shed his goody-goody Disney image by exposing his skin lipstick on the Great White Way. Zac says, "You know that Daniel Radcliffe role on Broadway, well it's been mentioned.”

I know some of you whores are producing massive amounts of panty pudding over this bit of news, but think it through. There's no way Zac is going to show off his man clit in its natural state. This is the Cover Girl princess we're talking about. The peen is going to be covered in powder, foundation, bronzer, mascara, lipstick, false eyelashes and glitter. It's not going to look like a beautiful penis. It's going to look like fucking Xtina.

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, October 10th 2008

The Luckiest Baby In The World

Damn. Looking at Salma Hayek's succulent breastes never gets old. There's only a few things I could look at all day: "Cops," kittens playing with yarn and Salma's wondrous chichis.

Salma's rack is like a Magic Eye poster. If you stare at them long enough, you start to see other things. Sometimes I see two lil' babies sleeping under a manger. Other times I see two cantaloupes ripening in the summer sun. And one time I even saw Locke from "Lost" cuddling with Paul Shaffer.

Here's Salma with her adorable and totally rich daughter Valentina shooting "30 Rock" with Alec Baldwin in Brooklyn today. I wonder if Alec cooed at Valentina and said, "Awww. What a rude lil' pig."

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, October 10th 2008

That Poor Horsey

Katie Price covered up her titty balls in some kind of "Ringling Bros. gone whorey" costume to perform in the annual Whore Horse of the Year Show today. Unfortunately, Harvey wasn't in the audience. He was too busy working on his rap album or something.

Katie and her horse "Jordan's Glamour Girl" performed some slutty dressage routine for the audience. Surprisingly, the routine didn't involve Katie taking off her top and shaking it for the crowd.

However, guess what one of the songs she performed to was? No, it wasn't one of her own songs. Worse. Color Me Badd's "I Wanna Sex U Up." Why in Equus hell did she choose that shit? This might sound prudish, but if you're rubbing your pussy bone against a horse and you're known for being a big fat skank, maybe that's not the best song choice.

This shit reminds me of the time I went to my little cousin's dance recital and watched a bunch of 6-year-olds bust it to "Smack My Bitch Up."

Wenn

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, October 10th 2008

Rojo Will Make A Beautiful Connecticut Bride

First of all, this beautiful picture is bringing tears to my eyes. Rojo Caliente with a Taco Bell in the background! This picture could only be more perfect if Spaghetti Cat was in one of the windows with a big bowl of Pintos 'n Cheese in front of him. Delicious.

Anygassy, Rojo and her cranky lady wife are still in Los Angeles, but they should think about cutting their trip short so that they can come back to NYC to start planning their Connecticut wedding.

The Connecticut Supreme Court ruled 4-3 today that gays and gayelles can now get hitched in the state like everyone else. They decided the ban on gay marriage was unconstitutional or some shit. Connecticut, California and Massachusetts are now the 3 states that allow us gays to ruin our lives by getting married. Go to CNN to read all the details.

When California overturned the ban, Cynthia Nixon said they were going to wait until New York makes it legal. Connecticut is veeeery close, so it totally counts. Hopefully, Connecticut starts issuing marriage license to the gays and gaylles soon. The fall leaves of Connecticut would perfectly compliment Rojo's fire ginge top. I always imagined Rojo as an autumn bride, so this is more than perfect.

Below are a few more pictures of the hopefully soon-to-be Mrs. and Mrs. Rojo Caliente renting a car in L.A. yesterday. That car is not fit for the loveliness Rojo. Where's the pick-up truck?!

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, October 10th 2008

Afternoon Crumbs

Ryan Gosling really knows how to wear the fuck out of a t-shirt - Popsugar

R.I.P. CosmoGirl - Jezebel

Sophie Monk used to be poor (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Gis Bundchen works the streets - Hollywood Tuna

Kim Kardassian and her fugly manicure flip flops - Hollywood Rag

Nicole Richie is sooo boring now - Lainey Gossip

Suri looks way better than both of those hags - Just Jared

Eddie Cibrian is taking a shower - Towleroad

Playboy totally turned down Brooke Hogan - IDLYITW

Charlize Theron's assy bikini pictures - Egotastic!

Boobs on a bull - Cityrag

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, October 10th 2008

A Quote From The Basement

And now it's that time of the day to check in with the my favorite basement baby!

Our very own Hot Slut of the Week recipient Solange Knowles poked her head out of the basement door and told Glamour Magazine just what she thinks about my comments on this here gutter blog:

"Sometimes the stories I hear about myself are not worth a fight. I've heard about this blog that always jokes about Beyonce keeping me locked in the basement. That's so ridiculous it doesn't bother me. This blog also writes about other things, like they pick different celebrities to be the Hot Slut of the Day. Now, this is the kind of stuff that comes with the territory of fame - and I'll take the Hot Slut award. Just don't call me the anti-Beyonce."

It's okay, Solange. Your secret about the basement is safe with me. And I would never fight with you. I will always love you even though you smell like moth balls.

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, October 10th 2008

Now You, Too, Can Look Like A Tranny Alien!

Great. Here's another show where the horrific word "fierce" will be used over and over again. Tivo needs a "fierce" block feature. FIERCE. Ugh. I die inside.

Ty Ty Banks will produce a spin-off of "America's Next Top Model" starring her two gay book ends, J. Alexander (yay) and Jay Manuel (ewww). The show will be like "How Do I Look?" but without Finola Hughes and waaaaaaaay gayer.

The show called "Operation Fabulous" will follow Mister and Miss Jay as they travel the country and makeover ordinary girls the "ANTM" way. The two fembots will teach hobags how to dress and do their hair and makeup. Basically, normal looking girls will walk away looking like overprocessed aliens from the planet known as TRANus.

Another makeover show is not what TV needs right now. Does anyone remember Jay Manuel's other makeover show "Style Her Famous"? Okay, I was going to make fun of it, but I can't. I watched it, but only because it was so awful. Bitches would ask to look like Halle Berry and they would end up looking like Chuck Berry in a cheap wig.

Posted by: Michael K


Friday, October 10th 2008

Does Tina Really Want To Do This?

A while ago, Aretha Franklin must have not reached her daily 10,000 calorie intake, because she made a grouchy statement about Tina Turner. While performing at the Grammys, Beyonce introduced Tina as "The Queen." Aretha released some statement saying she was offended by this, because she's always been known as the "Queen of Soul."

It took a little while for Tina to respond, but she finally did:

“Aretha has always been like that. We’ve always accepted that from her. She’s the queen of soul, and I’m the queen of rock ‘n’ roll. There were so many kings and queens there that night. Her ego must be so big to think she was the only one. That’s how queens are!”

Well, if her ego is in a third of the size of one of her chichis then it's pretty big.

Aretha put down the bowl of cake batter, moved her extra roly poly chin out of the way and responded to Tina's response to USA Today. Everybody move out of the way!

"I have always appreciated what Tina Turner has to offer and had quietly cheered her on after Ike and her subsequent success. However, with respect to her statement concerning my ego clearly she was talking about herself as she described herself as the 'Queen of Rock' and saying 'that's what Queens do' — particularly since she does not have a clue as to who I am in view of the fact that we have never met.

I never figured her to resort to tacky press just to sell a few tickets. I understand and I know that the concert market is down where ticket sales are concerned. I really had put her in a different class — higher than that.

Finally, no one has been more gracious or complimentary to their peers than I have and I am confident and secure enough to do so, unlike some others. I wish Ms. Turner all the best, as I always have. Perhaps one day we will meet."

I hope Tina can run fast, because Aretha is coming for her. It would only take one blow from Aretha's chichi mounds to lay Tina out. I'm sorry, but I'm Team Mega Chichis. You do not make Aretha angry. She could make you disappear faster than Houdini. I mean, all she has to do is sit and POOF! You're gone!

Posted by: Michael K