Archives

The basement baby's lesser known older sister has a video out for "If I Were A Boy." I know. Isn't that sweet? Basement baby's sister is trying to have a singing career. It's cute and kind of endearing.

The video is some dramatic shit. The beginning looks like a student film version of the old CK Be commercials. Edgy, edgy. The rest is Beyonce bringing out the pure emotion. About 3:30 into it, everything stops and Beyonce proves what a phenomenal actress she is in a dramatic scene between her male co-star. It's like watching two snails try to dance. You know Daddy Knowles is going to submit this shit for Oscar consideration.

YouTube has been pulling this shit like mad and throwing it in the basement with Solange, so click here if the video above doesn't work.

We already know that the Empress of Lucite is one of the most elegant and gorgeous creatures in the universe. We are well aware that her sophisticated and luxurious fashion sense rivals Coco Chanel. And it goes without saying that her exquisite lucite heels makes Swarovski products look like disposable GladWare containers. We know all these things, but sometimes we forget that Shauna Sand is an adoring mother. We forget this because Shauna isn't flaunting the fact that she's a mother goddess on the cover of W Magazine. She's demure and keeps some things sacred. A true inspiration to all mothers.

Below is the mother of the century taking her children to a medical center in Beverly Hills for their first boob jobs. She always wants the best for them. I'm kidding about the boob job part..... I think.

Did you hear a loud boom yesterday? No, it wasn't your drunk roommate falling in the tub again. It was Lisa Marie Presley pushing out her twin girls. FINALLY! She was the size of one of Aretha Franklin's mega chichi balls. That's a whole lot of woman. And she looked like she was ready to bite off her husband's head at any moment. That wouldn't have been such a bad thing considering all the stupid fucking hats he wears.

According to Star Magazine, Elvis' 40-year-old daughter gave birth to twin girls at Los Robles Hospital in Thousand Oaks, CA yesterday. Her two other children, Riley and Ben, were there for the birth of their new sisters. LM's husband, Michael Lockwood, was by her side the whole time. Ugh. Didn't that make her sicker?! I'm sure he was wearing one of his stupid ensembles. He's always looking like the short bus version of Tom Petty. I guess that didn't bother LM since she managed to give birth without any problems.

A source said, “Lisa Marie is mom to four now! She’s feeling good, a little tired too. She is so happy and Michael is ecstatic. He’s wanted to be a dad for so long. This is his dream come true. There was no drama. The babies are healthy and beautiful. Ben was seen pushing them down the hall in their cart and cooing to them"

The source didn't say what the twins' names are. What good is this source?! That's all that matters. Lisa Marie should name her twin girls after her lovely mother Priscilla. She can name one Restylane and the other Botox!

Ramma Damma - The 65-year-old German pop star who married a pineapple 38 years ago. LSD is a hell of a drug.

Ramma (real name: Ulli Hopper) said he decided one day to marry a fruit. Instead of calling up Elton John, he bought one of the most expensive pineapples, named her Tippi and then drove her across the Scottish border where they were married.

Ramma said, "I loved her. I wanted to marry her. We stayed in Gretna Green Hall Hotel and we were married by a craftsman wearing a kilt. We enjoyed meals out. We would go to restaurants and she would enjoy a glass of water over dinner. Tippi loved to go to the movies – especially ones about earthquakes – and she would sit on my lap when she got scared."

Tippi has since rotted away, but Ramma keeps her spirit alive by running the only plant sanctuary in Germany.

You're probably wondering what I'm wondering. Did he ever do sex to that pineapple?! Did he ever consummate their marriage? Did he ever stick his peen into that pineapple and make pina coladas?! You know he did.

Source

Luke Perry (43)
Michelle Trachtenberg (23)
Emily Deschanel (32)
MC Lyte (37)
Constance Zimmer (38)
Ty Murray (39)
Jane Krakowski (40)
Artie Lange (41)
Sean Patrick Flannery (43)
Joan Cusack (46)
Dawn French (51)
Stephen Spinella (52)
David Morse (55)
Elmore Leonard (83)