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David Duchovny and Tea Leoni have been separated for a few months now, reports People. I guess she couldn't live with him putting his penis in another people's moutholes, vaginas and poopers.

They issued this paragraph of words confirming that their 11-year marriage is on hold: "In light of continuous speculation over the lives and marriage of Tea Leoni and David Duchovny, the couple has confirmed that they have in fact been separated for several months. The couple had hoped to keep this separation private for the sake of their children."

Tea is a strong woman. She was in "Spanglish," which means she's equipped to cope with this kind of sadness. I don't know what that means, but just agree with me.

It's David I'm worried about. He's fragile and evil sluts with hungry genitals are going to try to take advantage of him in his hour of need. David, come to me. You can cry on my no-no hole...I mean...my shoulder. I'll stroke your penis head and you can cum cry all over me.

Scary Spice beamed down from Planet Grace Jones to walk the carpet at the MOBO Awards in London tonight. While I appreciate the fact that Scary brought her chichis out to play, I do not appreciate the "2 Girls, 1 Cup" moment happening on her head. It also looks like she's poking out of a pair of labia lips. She could be used in a sex education demonstration.

The bitch laughing her ass of in the back pretty much says it all.

Put the possum on the barbie and nuke the leftover Shoo-Fly pie, our little Cheetoling is number one!

Britney Jean Spears has the top song in the country with the hillbilly anthem "Woomanizah." She's made history for jumping from #96 all the way to #1. She also has the number one shit on iTunes and in Spain, France, Canada and Sweden. "Woomanizah" is her first #1 since "Baby One More Time" in 1999. Praise Cheesus!

We should all celebrate by making another Cheeto recipe tonight. This one is for delicious Spicy Chicken Cheetos Patties. If you're on a diet, use Puffy Cheetos instead. They're lighter. Click here to get that recipe. Wash it down with a big glass of chilled Jello juice.

Here's Our Lady of Cheetos airing out her raccoon pits while going to dance practice. Raise your hand if you're hairy.

It's not Brit's fault. She used all the shaving cream on her cooch and taint. Priorities! And don't ask me why she's holding her bag like that. Maybe somebody told her it will deepen her thoughts or something.

Now that Vadge's marriage is officially in the coffin, she's free to skip fist-in-fist with A-Rod. Some ho close to A-Rod tells UsWeekly that the two bodybuilders are totally doing it and have been for a while. Vadge denied the rumors of them being together this past summer.

The source said that Vadge and Guy haven't been "together" for about a year. I think that just means they haven't busted nuts on each other or something. The source went on to say, "Guy is not involved in this equation. With or without A-Rod, Madonna and Guy haven't been 'together' for over a year - they have been privately separated. Madonna, however, wanted to finish her world tour before divorcing. A-Rod and Madonna are more involved than ever. Alex has really missed spending time with Madonna. However, he understands the position Madonna's in."

They are planning to keep it secret until her tour ends. That's smart. Just when everyone stops talking about her buff ass, she'll have another not-so-surprising bomb to drop.

I was hoping that Vadge's whatever-affair with A-Rod was nothing more than a fuck-and-run fling. I say she should just suck on his dumbbell and ride his Soloflex, but keep it at that. She doesn't need another relationship. She needs to revisit her mega whore days. Vadge, unclench that rock hard vagina and have some fucking fun. Yeah, that's not going to happen.

The sixth main character of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" is definitely Kim's fucked up, raggedy ass weave-wig-thing. At first, I thought Kim was just wearing a busted weave. And then I figured it was a dime store wig. Now I think it's a combination of both! It's like she just keeps piling fake hair mops on her head. It would take a few Boy Scouts to figure out what's going on up there. Her head is the place where weaves and wigs go to die. A weave graveyard!

Kim claims her "mysterious" sugar daddy doesn't want to be on camera, because he's a celebrity. That's not the reason. He can't be on camera, because he's trapped under that polyester nest! Luckily, he still has his cell phone so he's able to transfer money into her account. The bitch can afford a fugly ass $2,000 birthday cake for her daughter, but won't spend the money to fix her shit!?

Below are a few more pictures of Kim's disastrous hive. Oh and I must thank NeNe for giving the quote of the night: "She didn't say she was sorry. She said 'I apologize.' She didn't say 'I was sorry." There's a big difference.

I adore the word "cunt." It's one of my favorite words ever. I would have its babies if I could. I think Kyra Phillips of CNN subconsciously loves the word too. While introducing a Republican strategist on live TV today, Kyra slipped and accidentally said the "cunt" word twice. Cunt-cunt-contributor!

Cunt got her tongue!

Source

The Saint Angie Jo breastfeeding fountain will soon be in the front yards of thousands of Brangaloonies - Gallery of the Absurd

HA! Lynne Spears wants Julia Roberts to play her in a movie - Hollywood Rag

Heidi Montag needs to be told that Phoebe Price did it better - Hollywood Tuna

Queen Vadge dumped her King early - Just Jared

Never kiss Travis Fessler on the mouth - Towleroad

Kiki Dunst parties in a Trash Can - Popsugar

The Cheeto World Tour 2009 - Lainey Gossip

Michael Bolton's sloppy seconds puts young bitches to shame (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Naomi Campbell is topless and ready to beat asses - Egotastic!

A lezzie wedding for HoHan and SamRo? - IDLYITW

Pussies don't sleep - Cityrag

It's a before and after Botox ad! You know, because Courteney Cox has also tried that shit once and it wasn't for her. Uh huh. And Jennifer Aniston doesn't call her every night to play "pretend boyfriend."

Demi Moore is 45 and Court is 44. There's a good reason why Demi looks younger. It's because most of her body is younger than Court. Court should ask Demi for her plastic surgeon's name and number, because she's looking a little "Vadgey" in the face.

Here's more of Dem and Cox at Glamour's Reel Moments last night.

Denis Leary is an asshole and he knows it. He loves it. So anything that comes out of his mouth, I just slather it between two pieces of white bread and throw it in the pile with his other shit sandwiches. Here's Denis' latest shit sandwich from his new book Why We Suck: A Feel-Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid:

"There is a huge boom in autism right now because inattentive mothers and competitive dads want an explanation for why their dumb-ass kids can't compete academically, so they throw money into the happy laps of shrinks . . . to get back diagnoses that help explain away the deficiencies of their junior morons. I don't give a [bleep] what these crackerjack whack jobs tell you - yer kid is NOT autistic. He's just stupid. Or lazy. Or both."

The Autism Society of American issued this statement in response:

"For Mr. Leary to suggest that families or doctors conspire to falsely diagnose autism is ridiculous . . . [His] remarks reflect the same misconceptions of autism being caused by bad or unemotional parenting that were held over 50 years ago."

Denis really knows how to take his point and wrap it in a big box of vomit.

Once Jenny McCarthy pieces herself together from exploding, she's going to explode again. Once she's done with that, she's going to rip Denis to shreds. And I hope it's on live television.

VIA UsWeekly

Brian Kinney from "Queer as Folk" aka Susan Meyer's boyfriend on "Desperate Housewives" aka Gale Harold was seriously injured in a motorcycle accident yesterday. TMZ reports that he's currently being treated in the ICU department of USC. Not Brian Kinney! And not his pretty face or body or anything else on him! Just not him.

I'm going to tell myself that everything will be fine, he'll fully recover from his injuries and then he'll leave that dumb bitch Susan. He belongs with Justin.

UPDATE: Gale's rep issued this statement to UsWeekly: "He has fractured his shoulder and is under observation to assess any possible further injuries. Everyone is hopeful for a full recovery. No one else was injured in the accident."