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The big-tittied frog left dinner last night looking like someone went caca in her ice cream, but she probably just had too many Chery Bombs. Or maybe earlier in the night someone asked her what the answer to 2+2 is and she's still trying to figure it out.

Jessica Simpson may be more annoying than a horny chihuahua with an oversized lipstick, but Cacee Cobb is fucking worse. Look at her in the pictures below. She's trying soooo hard to look exactly like Jessica, but doing it on a Rite Aid budget. I can hear her shrill wail in all these pictures.

I take it back. Cacee is not more annoying than Jess. I'd rather hear Cacee's high-pitched whine all night than listen to Jessica's ear-killing croak one more time.

Mensa's most famous NOT-member, Sharon Stone, is denying that she wanted to Botox her son's feet because they smelled like shit. In court papers released a couple of days ago, a judge stated that Sharon wanted her 8-year-old son Roan to get Botoxed in the feet to cure his foot odor.

Sharon's lawyer issued this statement to UsWeekly: "This week it was reported in connection with Sharon Stone's custody dispute that she wanted to have her young 8 year-old son undergo Botox treatment at this time for his feet. Sharon Stone never made this statement. It is a complete fabrication. Sharon loves her son Roan and only wants the best for him."

I believe the lawyer. She didn't want to Botox her son. She wanted to use some rare snake venom only found in the Amazon. And she didn't want to inject his feet with it. She wanted to use it on his lips. 8-year-olds talk so much, so she figured if she pumped up his lips a bit, it would slow him down.

Alli Sims, just one the Cheeto sucking leeches who used to be in Brit Brit's life, has been banned from seeing her cousin by Daddy Spears. When Daddy Spears took over as Brit's new brain, he kicked out everyone including Alli.

Alli tells Page Six, "I have no idea when I'll see her again. I miss her every day. When Britney's dad gained control, he put some rules down . . . it's just best for her to not communicate with a lot of people. My main concern is her being OK."

Let me go a little off-topic for a bit. Whenever I see the name "Alli Sims," I immediately think of chunky skid marks and digested pizza grease. It's funny, because I don't think of this "shit" when I see the name Alli with a different last name. Coincidence? I think not.

Anyrunnyshit, I'm sure Alli misses the always available meds, knowing Brit's ATM code and the never-ending supply of Frapps. I'm sure she thinks of this whenever she's bussing tables at Waffle House. And speaking of characters from Brit Brit's past....where in the mangy ass hell is London?!

Here's Alli's former cash cow in NYC last night at then at JFK this morning. ROOTS!!!

Rupert the tiny deer, who danced into all of our cold and dingy hearts has passed on to the big green meadow in the sky. This wasn't supposed to happen.

Staff members at the Tiggywinkles Wildlife Hospital in Haddenham, England said they tried to keep him alive by giving him lamb's milk, but he needed his mommy's bacteria. His lungs were also not working properly. The staff also knew that the odds were against Rupert, because he didn't have his mommy and was three weeks premature.

The founder of Tiggywinkles said: "The nurses are absolutely choked as well as the foster mother who took him on. It is all a new science looking after wildlife casualties and this is just one more to add to our experience."

Rupert was only with us a short time, but he brought so much joy into my dark and dreary life. This is why I'm a cold bitter bitch, because once you let love into your heart, it will go away.

The world is a cruel and ugly place so innocent Rupert is better off up there with his mommy.

Rest in peace, Little Rupert.....

Source

Catherine Zeta-Jones showed up to the Global Leadership Awards Gala in NYC last night looking like she put on her own make-up using a jumbo piece of sandpaper. All that bronze caca on her mug makes it look like we can go rock climbing on her face.

When your face looks like Tommy Girl's ass after a 4-hour spanking party, it's time chop off the fingers of your make-up artist and stop getting Drano peels. And I'm sure looking at Michael Douglas' withering worm every day doesn't help.

The luckiest plastic jug in the world (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Puppy dunk - Cityrag

Brooke Hogan looking like a rode hard stripper - Hollywood Tuna

HoHan and SamRo's lezzie bikini love fest continues - Egotastic!

Bruno went to another fashion show, but this time he was invited - Towleroad

Will Gis Bundchen become Gis Brady soon? - Lainey Gossip

Kendra Wilkinson should think about upgrading - Hollywood Rag

Saint Angelina's therapist is probably God - IDLYITW

Watch out, Vanessa. You might ruin his make-up - Just Jared

John Mayer is one depressed douche - Popsugar

If you're like me, then every now and again you like a nice pair of nuts in your mouth, but this is ridiculous! A Siberian man who goes by the name of Ljubomir Erovic has released an e-cookbook on the Internet that features several recipes with the family jewels being the main ingredient. Nasty. Was Jeffrey Dahmer one of his past sous-chefs? Probably not, because Ljubomir only uses the balls of bulls, stallions, ostriches, pigs and turkeys.

The nutty cookbook includes recipes like testicle pizza, battered testicles and barbecued testicles with giblets.

Ljubomir tells the Daily Mail that testicles can be a powerful aphrodisiac. That's funny, because thinking about eating them makes me want to vomit from my mouth, not from my peen.

He said: "The tastiest testicles in my opinion probably come from bulls, stallions or ostriches, although other people have their own favourites. The best for aphrodisiac properties are sheep and stallion testicles. All testicles can be eaten - except human, of course." At least he draws the line somewhere.

Click here to download "Cooking with Balls." I know what you're having for dinner tonight. And I can't wait to see what's coming next from this publisher. Cooking with Jizz by Parasite Hilton?

Thanks JR

Hollywood is continuing its mass murdering of our classic favorites and this time their ax has gone into the back of Yogi Bear. The evil warlords at Warner Bros. have hired writer Ash Brannon ("Surf's Up") to develop the new feature shit show.

The studio plans to use both live-action and CGI like "Alvin and the Chipmunks." Most of the movie will be live-action, but Yogi, Boo Boo and the other animals will be CGI.

Why make Yogi and Boo Boo CGI?! The only way this crap will work is if they cast John Travolta as Yogi and Tommy Girl as Boo Boo. DUH! Their hungry butts can't wait to play those roles. I'm sure they role-play as Yogi and Boo Boo down in Tommy's Scientology dungeon. They play "hide the baby carrot in the pic-a-nic basket."

And you know "The Jetsons" is next! For real this time.

Source

No, this is not Chris March from Project Runway's newest collection of human hair. It's some hairy shit from the Sonia Rykiel show in Paris yesterday. Hey, at least you won't have to shave your pits when wearing this dress.

Below are a few more WTF fashions from the show. You know Solange is down in her basement working feverishly with her mouse friends trying to recreate this collection using Beyonce's old weave tracks, her son's Superman sheets, a camping tarp, a busted inkjet printer and some dirty socks.

This morning when I was outside waiting for my bitchy ass dog to squeeze out a butt nugget, I noticed that the air felt different. It felt like a million angels were sneezing around me. The flowers were also in full bloom and seemed to be humming "Hallelujah." When I looked up in the sky, I saw thousands of little flecks of diamonds in the sun's rays. While I was walking back to my apartment, one woman suddenly got on her knees and started praying on the sidewalk after glancing at her Blackberry. I figured I was just having an acid flashback, but now I know what's really going on. Saint Angelina and her holy family are in NYC!

The blessed ones are in town for the NYC premiere of Saint Angie Jo's movie "Changeling." It will be her first appearance since presenting the world with the Twin Messiahs.

Hopefully while they are here, Saint Angie Jo and the twin chosen ones will go down to Wall Street. All Saint Angie has to do is blow a kiss towards the New York Stock Exchange and all our financial troubles will be fixed!!!

Here's some blurry pictures of the deities arriving in New York last night. Maddox better tell Brad to lose the Carmen Sandiego hat.