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FUCK! This is old news, but I just found out today. Mervyns is closing forever! Obviously, my mother doesn't know yet or she would have called me in tears. That used to be her store and now it's off to the damn glue factory.

I bought all my school clothes at Mervyns and even stole a pink bra from there once (don't ask). This is fucking awful! Shit! I think I slapped my sister in the face in the middle of a Mervyns. The memories. It's not right and it's not okay. If I only knew. I would've put together a suck-a-thon or something to save Mervyns.

Mervyns filed for Chapter 11 protection in July. They tried to get help and make that shit work, but they exhausted all their options. They will close all their 149 stores after the holidays. They have been in business for 59 years.

Mother's Cookies, Zima, Linens-N-Things and now Mervyns?! It really is the end of days. Start exercising your genitals because we're all going to be whoring ourselves out in other countries soon.

No, everything will be alright. I still have Filene's and my mother still has TJ Maxx. But if those two close, I'm going to start practicing my ho stroll walk.

The forehead. The eyebrows. The wonk eye. The lips. The everything. Mimi knows she shouldn't be married to this dude because her face is starting to pay the price. Yes, this could be from too many bukkake sessions with the Botox needle, but I'm going to blame it on her mantoy. She's probably trying to remain youthful and shit for his ass, but instead she's looking like a wonk monster. You know you have problems when you're giving Wonky McValtrex a run for her wonk money. No.

What she really needs is a moment to fucking breathe. She can't, because Mr. Carey is always glued to her ass. He seriously goes everywhere with her. You know he has to hold her hand when she takes a wittle tinkle (that's what she calls it).

On a positive note, it doesn't look like it took a few gallons of Crisco and a couple of cranes to squeeze her into that dress. This might be a first for her.

Birthday: Every day!
Age: Faaaaaabulous!
Birth Name: Oh Girl!!!

Original Date of HS of the Day: October 15, 2008
Claim to Fame: Um....I'm really not sure. I guess he was in some group called "Pieces of a Dream." After he left the group, he went on Star Search. And now he's the reigning queen of HanCOCK Park, CA!

Where is he now? Probably prancing around his house in some gold coochie cutters and a sequined crop top. Seriously, Norwood has an album out or something. Visit his MySpace for his full bio and some sexy pictures.

Why is he HS of the Week? His hairline ordered me to make him HS of the Week. Also, Norwood's fairytale palace (below) in Hancock Park is more famous than he is. It's been dubbed House of Davids aka House of Peen.

P.S. - You know what happened to his chin in the picture above. Tea bagging gone wrong!

Chace Crawford's carefully coiffed Joan Crawford eyebrows made the cover of V Magazine. I hope his eyebrows got their own spread. They definitely got their own team of stylists. Raven Symone is probably slapping at her eyebrows as punishment for not looking like Chace's. Chace better put a security team on his brows, because Raven is coming for them on her Segway! Amber alert!

Here's a couple more of the way too pretty ladyboy stealing Zac Efron's look in "Hairspray." And I'm pretty sure V stands for Veryveryverygay.

Dollhouse Dude is feeling lonely and depressed today for many reasons. Brit Brit's driving without a license case has been declared a mistrial. If there was a verdict, a big press conference would have taken place and Dollhouse Dude would have been given the opportunity to crash it with his world class comedy act. He's also weepy, because he barely made a cameo during this entire trial. It's just not a Brit Brit case without him. No wonder the jury couldn't come to a verdict, they knew it just didn't feel right without DD around.

So yeah, the jury came back today with a 10/2 split. The majority voted she was not-guilty for driving without a valid CA drivers license. If found guilty, she would have faced six months in the clink and a $1,000 fine.

Brit Brit didn't make an appearance during the entire trial. Even if she did, she wouldn't have really been there anyway. She would have been dancing through the Frapp clouds with Chester Cheetah. Being hopped up on delicious dolls does that to you.

It's now up to the prosecution to decide if they are going to try her again. They must try her again! Dollhouse Dude's fate depends on it!

UPDATE: A judge has dismissed the entire case. DOLLHOUSE DUDE IS DEVASTATED!!!

Source - Image: Wenn

Jessica Simpson's dog is co-starring as Beyonce's hair in Cadillac Records - Just Jared

Speaking of Daisy Simpson, she's still on suicide watch - IDLYITW

Rocco loves the Yankees or maybe Vadge just told him to like them! - Popsugar

Sting and David Walliams touch mouths - Towleroad

Liv Tyler is cute, Kate Hudson is not - Lainey Gossip

Traci Bingham's truly low-rent staged pap pictures - Hollywood Tuna

HoHan forgot the bottle of vodka (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Tara, you've had your fun, now it's time to cover up - Egotastic!

Things that look like tittays - Cityrag

Dear Mischa, You'll never be PP, please stop! - Hollywood Rag

And now it's that time of day where we see what latest and glamorous fashions are coming out of Paris. By "Paris" I mean Robertson Blvd. International supermodel and headband entrepreneur Phoebe Price treated the paps to an impromptu fashion show yesterday. PP usually only graces the catwalks of mini-mall fashions shows, so this was a fucking treat. Okay, she does this every week, but it's still special. Okay, it's not special, but just eat your chicken cutlet sammy (it better not be tuna) and let PP take you on a beautiful fashion journey.

After PP exhausted herself by giving a show to the elite fashion media, she met up with Bobby Trendy on the street to show him her stunning headbands. Chicken Cutlets takes her business seriously! She doesn't care where she sells her wares as long as she gets to dress the heads of America with her bedazzled masterpieces. Don't be surprised if you're laying on the beach in Ensenada, Mexico and PP approaches you with her suitcase of luxurious head belts.

Lindsey Evans' brains obviously didn't win her the title of Miss Teen Louisiana USA. She proved that Saturday after she skipped out on paying her $46 bill from Posados Cafe in Bossier City, La. If you're going to dine and ditch, don't leave your fucking purse at the table. The 18-year-old dingbat's purse was found by the restaurant manager. When they went through it, they found her drivers license and a beautiful bag of weed! You know where this is going.

When Little Miss Dumb Fuck and her friends pulled into the restaurant parking lot to get her weed and purse back, the cops were taking the report from the managers. They instantly recognized Lindsey from her drivers license picture and put her in cuffs.

One of the girls with Lindsey told The Post that they were going to pay their bill. Lindsey already put her cash down and the three were going to pay with debit cards. She went on to say, "The service was so slow, we just said, 'screw it' and left." And now they're screwed!

She was booked with theft and weed possession. The skanks at the Miss Louisiana Teen USA organization said they don't know what to do with her yet.

Well, she might lose her crown, but she's a fucking shoo-in for the title of Miss High Times 2009.

I give Lindsey an 8.5 for her mug shot. I like the pageant smile, but a beauty queen should always wear their crown when getting their picture taken. That would have given her a perfect 10.

While watching "The Hills" last night, I could feel my two working brain cells slowly melting inside my skull. That show is like watching a raggedy pigeon eating a rotten hamburger patty on the street. It's gross, painful and a little boring, but I still can't look away. I can only imagine what 20-something minutes of Whitney Port is going to be like.

Above is the trailer for Whitney's new bore fiesta "The City." This shit should have been called "Hey, How Was your Weekend?" or "The Art of Pushing a Rack of Clothes." The show follows Whitney as she sleep walks through NYC with her mouth open. That said, I'll probably put my twin brain cells through more torture by watching this boiled cucumber show.

And just for the record, there's only one real "The City" and that shit starred Morgan Fairchild. Clip below: