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Lil Wayne barely announced to the world that he was expecting a baby at Sunday's BET Awards. Well, that baby has landed. His spokesbitch tells UsWeekly that Lil Wayne's new son was born this afternoon in Cincinnati, Ohio. The new baby's name is Dwayne Carter III. Lil Wayne's real name is Dwayne Michael Carter Jr.

Lil Wayne has never said who Lil'er Wayne's mommy is. My money's on Bow Wow. And I bet you Lil Wayne's baby boy is already taller than he is.

It was slow on the baby news for a while and suddenly it's like a BABY hurricane! BABIES are everywhere once again. It's okay. Yes, we're overpopulated, but what's another ten, twenty, trillion more humans? I've said it eleventy times and I'll say it again, BABIES are taking over the planet. I've already made peace with the fact that my last breath will probably be under a mountain of dirty diapers.

Note to self: Even though she looks like she's 30, she's like 15 or some shit. Now let's throw the egg shells on the floor and walk....

Little Jenny from "Gossip Girl" was in Los Angeles, doing wholesome things like preparing for a test, when she woke up one morning with a sore throat. Well, it turns out that it was some kind of throat infection that could have KILLED her. Does Blair Waldorf Salad have an alibi?

Little Jenny's doctor talked to UsWeekly (WTF?) about his patient's prognosis. Dr. Shawn Nasseri said, "I have been treating Miss Taylor Momsen for the last few days. She has been hospitalized for a severe, potentially life-threatening throat infection since Sunday. She has been an excellent patient, and after aggressive antibiotics and medications, she is expected to make a full recovery in the next three to five days."

She's now out of the hospital and is going back to NYC with her mother this week.

Hopefully, Cindy Lou Who won't sleep with the COKE...I mean...fan on anymore. Sleeping with the BARF...I mean...the fan on can lead to terrible sore throat issues. I'm sorry about those sentences. My blog Tourettes is acting up again.

Scratch that. Denise Richards probably has a camera crew on staff. I just hope they get a nice big close-up on her face when she finds out about the news that Charlie Sheen and his wifey are expecting twins. Brooke's mother confirms to People that they are going to have twin prostitute tranny babies in April!

Brooke's mommy, Moira Fiore, said, “Obviously, I am floating on air.” Um...it's probably because of that fifth martini you had at lunch, Moira. Slow it down.

Moira went on to say, "Brooke has had all day morning sickness but is coming to the end of the first trimester so she hopefully will feel better soon. It has been rough for her."

Moire thinks they are having twin boys, but she isn't completely sure. Yeah, that fifth martini is fogging up her memory.

Charlie and Brooke are so predictably boooooring. Twins?! That's the best they could do? Everyone in Hollywood is having twins. It's time to step it up to triplets or at least conjoined twins.

As for possible names, I'm thinking Dennis and Richard.

When I watched Kyra Phillips amazingly drop my favorite word twice on CNN, I thought to myself that this needs to happen more. Well, it did! While talking about boring political stuff, John McCain accidentally said, "Rates were cunt-cut in the Bush years..." (insert your own cunty joke here)

I love the look on Cindy's face. It quickly goes from "......." to "...!..."

And now that McCain has kept the word "cunt" going, somebody else needs to step and pick up the baton. My vote is for Mah Boo Anderson Cooper or Grover from Sesame Street.

VIA Wonkette

Katie Holmes left her NYC alien hive this morning looking like the crazy crackie on my block who always want to know if I can give her money for a "hot dog." I'm sure that's code for "I'll suck yo dick for a dolla," so I just ignore her and keep walking.

Kate has some kind of situation going on in the teeth area. There's probably easy explanation for this. Tommy Girl was getting his beauty rest in his boudoir, when Katie was feeling a little lonely so she decided to lick his Scientolorod. Tommy's peen isn't used to female lips, so it jumped and accidentally knocked her tooth out. Or maybe, Suri finally had enough and slapped her in the teeth after Katie tried to put another doll's dress on her ass.

Naw, her tooth probably had enough of her haggard ass so it decided to hit the road for less fucked up pastures. It's currently on a waiting list to join Kiki Dunst's band of jacked up teeth.

Gather the whole family around and enjoy this inspirational tale of an virginal princess who escapes her possessive and evil father.

Our story starts out with the princess saying goodbye to the palace she grew to love. She packs all her possessions into 4 gigantic sacks and begins her journey across an endless ocean. Once the princess reaches dry land, she must run for her life carrying her two enormous sacks behind her. Just when the princess thinks she's safe, her evil father catches up to her and traps her in a net near a magical waterfall. In the end, the princess begs and pleads with her father to set her free so that she can learn about her true self. Her touching and powerful words move the evil father to release his precious oyster into the world.

Okay, enough with my fuckery. It's just a NSFW video of CoCo being hot and elegant.

Thanks Kevin

As NeNe would say, "This is some booolllllshiiiiit!" On last night's Real Housewives of Atlanta, Kim made a couple of "bitch, please" statements. The kind of shit that will make your Tivo automatically rewind by itself just so it can hear that shit again.

First of all, Kim said she is 29 and looks good for her age. Please don't take this bitch seriously. That blonde wig-weave creature on her head is obviously too tight. She has no idea what the hell is coming out of her mouth. I think she really meant to say that the animal on her head is 29-years-old.

The second statement came when Kim was talking about wanting to have a career in country music. She said that a lot of people tell her she looks like Faith Hill and Carrie Underwood. If you ask me, she looks more like a ran over Vivian Ward. But that's just me.

And once again, the voice of wisdom, NeNe, had this to say about Kim's career as a country music singer: "I've only heard her hummm. You know, they may do that now. They may give record deals to people who hummm. Maybe you can get hummm and get a Grammy."

Somebody please get a statement from NeNe on what she thinks about Kim claiming she's 29!

Kim also talked about this mysterious Big Papa character again. I've been hearing all sorts of things about the true identity of Big Papa. I heard he was some mob dude. I also heard he's really Quincy Jones. And some seem to think he's married real estate mogul Lee Najjar. I bet it's none of them. Knowing this "Barbie hair for brains bitch", it's Papa Smurf.

Below is the clip of Kim telling a bunch of falsities. I swear, if she claims her hair is real, lightning better strike that bitch down.

Adrien Brody looking hot in an empty half eggshell. Ignore that trick to the right - Lainey Gossip

Gis Bundchen and her never ending breadsticks - Popsugar

Gis Bundchen and her bare chichis (sort of) - Egotastic!

The US Kath & Kim is still shooting?! For why? - Hollywood Tuna

John Barrowman making out with his Torchwood co-stars - Towleroad

Raffaello Follieri drags the pope into it - IDLYITW

Teef kissers - Cityrag

Parasite Hilton buys a whore house. She'll feel right at home - Hollywood Rag

The Hanson Brothers catching all kinds of diseases on their feet as they walk barefoot through NYC - Just Jared

Joey Lawrence's brother gets into the wrong car (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

18-year-old Lindsey Evans is without a crown and a bag of weed this morning after the Miss Louisiana Teen USA dumped her ass ten days before her reign was supposed to come to an end.

The dumb dumb was arrested after she bolted on a restaurant bill, but left her purse and weed baggie behind.

The organization issued this statement: SHE'S A DUMB BITCH. ENOUGH SAID. No, they said this:

“Lindsey Evans has been part of an organization that believes in opportunities when earned and consequences when warranted. Due to recent circumstances, Lindsey has been relieved of her duties as Miss Louisiana Teen USA 2008 effective immediately.”

They made the right decision. Not because she smokes weed or hops out on her bill. She deserves to get canned because she was dumb enough to leave her sweet herb behind. You don't just keep it in your purse. You keep it close to your heart (aka hidden in your bra).

This isn't the last we've heard of Lindsey. She's going to be the Vice President of the United States in about 25 years. Trust this.

Vadge isn't the only bitch getting her no-nut area licked by a hot piece. UsWeekly (via P6) claims Guy Ritchie is making sweet sexy times to actress-type Kelly Reilly. It must be a nice change for Guy to touch a chocha without it biting his hand. It also must be pleasant to be hugged by someone without worrying about the circulation to your brain getting cut off.

Guy is currently directing Kelly in that Sherlock Holmes movie with Robert Downey Jr. Kelly is a nice change for Guy. She doesn't really look like gristle, which is a good thing. She looks more like a crispy piece of delicious chicken skin.

Speaking of gristle, The Sun claims this December will be extra-roidy for Vadge. A source said,"She and Alex are definitely aiming to get together before Christmas."

How sweet. Vadge will have a shiny new pair of nuts to hang from her Christmas tree. Wait. Do Kabbalah people have Christmas trees? Okay, from her Menorah. Wait. Do they have those? Okay, from her rearview window. Wait. Does she drive her own car? FUCK! You know what I mean!