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Sad news out of Chicago. Jennifer Hudson's mother was found dead in her Chicago home at around 3 this afternoon. Two people were found fatally shot in the South Side home. The family's church confirmed that one of the victims was 57-year-old Darnell Hudson. The identity of the other victim hasn't been confirmed yet.

Condolences to Jennifer Hudson and her family.

UPDATE: The other victim has been identified as Jennifer's brother, Jason. They were found by Jennifer's cousin. Police believe the shooting was the result of a domestic dispute. Police are reportedly looking for a man and a 7-year-old boy. (Source)

UPDATE II: The boy is Jennifer's nephew, Julian King. An Amber Alert has been issued. Police believe Julian was taken from the home. They are looking for a 1994 White Chevy Suburban with license plate: X584859. (Source)

UPDATE III: Jennifer Hudson's brother-in-law, William Balfour, was arrested by police. JHud's nephew Julian is still missing. William isn't cooperating with police or giving any kind of information. They believe William kidnapped Julian from the home after the murders. Police are still looking for Julian.

William has a long, long criminal history. He has served 7 years in prison for attempted murder.

Neighbors are saying that William and Julia had been fighting for the past two weeks over a car. They say William sold her car without her permission. (Source)

Tommy Girl sashayed to the Hilton Hotel in NYC today for Matt Lauer's Friar Club Roast. Tommy was probably embarrassed when he walked in wearing his little sailor boy outfit and carrying his lucky heated anal probe. Sadly, he didn't really understand what they meant by "roasting Matt Lauer."

Tommy turned his frown upside down, put on his big boy clothes and took the stage anyway. He's such a good sport. UsWeekly reports:

"Matt and I talk two, three, four times a day," Cruise, 46, joked during the Friar Club Roast at the New York Hilton Hotel.

Cruise also jokingly blamed Lauer for Katie Couric decision to leave the Today show to go to CBS. The actor also made fun of Lauer's day job. "I get to go from international locations to movie sets to more international locations to movie sets," Cruise said. "You have found happiness doing the same thing every day. You sit on a couch all day and interview the car from Knight Rider and cook radishes with Rachael Ray!"

Before he stepped off stage, he snipped, "I can't believe I flew all the way out here...lose my number, you glib putz."

"Why don't you sit down?" Lauer shot back. "We'll get you a booster seat!"

AHAHA! That Tommy Girl is a tiny bag of laughs! He probably leaves his best girlfriend John Travolta in stitches! No, I'm serious. He really leaves him in stitches. Tommy's heated anal probe is no joke.

Since that whole "making movies" thing really isn't working out for Tommy, he should grab his joke writer and join The Queens of Comedy!

Stop fighting it and just admit that you want to spin on this hot bitch's roided-up baby carrot stick. Then you want to smear his eyeliner and Wet 'n Wild foundation with your genitals while you seductively play with his sexy hair clip. Then you want to lick Carrot Bottom's Top's eyebrows, because they taste like chili powder and DEP gel (the combination is addictive). And don't get me started on that fur burger frying on his chin.

Go home tonight, pull a carrot out and try to tell it that you don't want to make sweet love to its god, Carrot Top. Look directly at it and try to lie. You won't be able to......

Okay, I'm starting to scare myself with my CT obsession. I'm backing away and throwing all my carrots out before it's too late.

Here's a gorgeous pickled carrot hunk with some douchey guinea pig person at the opening of Tacos and Tequilas in Las Vegas last night.

If you're watching Paris Hilton's My New BFF then you're familiar with the fragile ladyboy princess known as Onch and the faux rocker chick they call Zui. In this NSFLish clip, Onch and Zui re-enact "2 Girls, 1 Cup" in the jacuzzi tub using some kind of chocolate liquid. Or maybe it's a cup of Parasite's puss sauce.

Zui is wearing mouse ears throughout the entire clip. Why did she drag Minnie Mouse into this fuckery?! Minnie isn't into scat! Golden showers, maybe, but definitely not doody!

You know, this should've been an actual challenge, because in order to be one of Wonky's best friends, you have to be full of shit.

In case you were sucking dick in the office bathroom and haven't read about this shit yet, the girl who claimed she was beat down by an Obama supporter admitted to lie-telling. 20-year-old Ashley Todd basically pulled the story out of her ass. She went to the police after she said a "black guy" robbed her shit at an ATM and then carved a "B" on her face, because he saw the McCain bumper sticker on her car. The "B" was for "Bitch, please!"

The cops says she is being charged with being a dumb bitch and making a false report.

Ok. If you're going to do this shit. Do it right! Get a fucking friend to carve the "B," so that it's not backwards! If you have to do it yourself, do an "O" instead! DAMN! Do I have to teach these nitwit whores everything? She could've called me up. I would've done it for her, but instead of carving her face with a "B," I would've written "Dumb Bitch" on her forehead with a Sharpie.

This ho needs to call it a day and take a fucking nap. Playtime is over!

Source

Thanks to all you whores who sent this to me with the subject: THIS BITCH IS SO DUMB. That shit made me laugh.

A whisper of a lucite rainbow breezed into the pumpkin patch in West Hollywood yesterday with her daughter and manservant of the moment. Those are the luckiest pumpkins in the world. They probably fucking turned into lucite carriages when she left. The mice around the patch all fell into comas from being in the presence of such extraordinary elegance! I swear, I just want to shrink myself down and spend the rest of eternity in one of her exquisite lucite heels.

Olivia Munn in a truly delicious Halloween costume - Hollywood Tuna

Ricky Gervais and Thandie Newton re-enact Palin porn (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Biel's face is soooo UGH! - Egotastic!

Morrissey with child - Towleroad

Zac Efron "drinks his eggs" - That's code for something homo-related, right? - Just Jared

The Olsen trolls are so fucking fascinating - Lainey Gossip

Selma Blair's flaming hands - Cityrag

Gis Bundchen's got ivy in her cooch - Hollywood Rag

Ryan Phillipe looking like a tall glass of douchewater - Popsugar

Jenny Aniston proposed to John Mayer. Please, that's just how she says "hello" and "goodbye" - IDLYITW

Ladies and whores, in one corner we have Florence "Grouchy Granny Panties" Henderson and in the other we have Cloris "Don't Threaten Me With A Good Time" Leachman! Actually, add a few more hating bitches to Florence's corner. It seems that everyone is getting sick of Cloris' crazy memaw shtick on DWTS.

Mrs. Brady told Life & Style (via LA Times) that 82-year-old Cloris is an embarrassment to memaws. She said, "I hope the audience doesn’t think all older people act like her. I love Cloris, but sometimes she acts like she’s not all there, or she’s wandering around the ballroom acting silly."

Florence needs to add a little rum to her Ovaltine. It might lighten her up a bit. Cloris acts like she's not all there, because she's not! She's always on Planet I Don't Give A Fuck and that makes for some good entertainment!

Florence isn't alone. The Chicago Sun-Times reports that a bunch of whores working on the show want Cloris to beat it. A source said that Susan Lucci and robot Samantha Harris are both sick of better dancers being sent to the glue factory instead of Cloris.

The source said, ''We thought it would be fun to have Cloris on ... and expected her to maybe make it through one or two weeks. But now it's gone from people being amused -- similar to the way it was with Jerry Springer -- to being downright concerned."

Stick your dick in a blender and press pulse. The show is not that serious! It's a stupid reality show featuring has-beens and never-was-es! They aren't working on a respectable reality show like "Rock of Love." They are all just jealous, because Cloris is the star!

That said, they need to settle this on the finale with a.....CAGE FIGHT! Cloris versus all of those ugly ass complainers! She'll mop the floor with all of them! Of course, she'll save CHERYL BURKE for last, because her MOP HEAD will get those tough to reach spots.

HoHan was reportedly kicked off of "Ugly Betty," because America Ferrera thinks she smells and didn't want to look at her donkey punched face anymore. MSNBC's The Scoop reports that HoHan doesn't have a job to fall back on. But she does have SamRo's vagina to fall back on, so she might not be hurting that bad.

A source says that HoHan doesn't have any acting roles lined up. She's working on that album thing, but that's it. The source who probably has been huffing some good shit said, “It’s over for Lindsay. She’s got no film work, after this (‘Ugly Betty’ news) she’s not going to land TV jobs; I hear she’s tried to get on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ and can’t.”

No. No. No. HoHan can't get on "Dancing with the Has-Beens," but the stoop sale of whores Kim Kardashian can? I refuse to believe this. This source person got their info mixed up. HoHan was trying to get ON all the castmembers of "Dancing with the Has-Beens." She doesn't want to be on the show, she wants to be on the dancers, but they aren't into that shit. Even Cloris won't hit that mess.

The source went on to say, “Every project she’s had has fallen through. She’s not even filling up her time with independent films, which is usually the strategy when work gets slow. She’s a good actress, she’s just stuck right now.”

She's not filling up her time with indie films, because she's too busy filling herself up with vag barf.

Speaking of vag barf, I've experimented with lady parts in my younger years (junior high school), but I don't think I ever tasted vagina juices before, so I consulted Yahoo Answers to find out what it tastes like. I couldn't really find the answer, but I came across this gem of a question:

Is it true if i soak a tampon in lemon juice and insert the tampon in my vagina that it will make it tighter?

I don't think it will make it tighter, but it will make a refreshing beverage known as vaginamade!

Damn. I always knew Jodie Marsh's vagina had a life of its own, but I didn't know it could wave and flip off the paps. This fine lady has talents nobody knows about. I'm sure her asshole can tap dance like a motherfucker.

England's shiniest pearl was making her country proud last night by showing off her ladylike manners. She really should open a charm school, so that all little girls can master the art of class and elegance. She can also teach them about the finer things in life like McDonald's.

Jodie, who recently "turned lesbian," recently had an N shaved into the side of her head. She says the N is dedicated to her girlfriend Nina, but I'm not buying that. The health commission passed some kind of law forcing Jodie to do that. The N stands for "No, don't even think of getting near this skeezer unless you want to catch some dreadful jungle disease."

Before driving off with her lady love, Jodie told the pappies, "We're going back to mine for an orgy..no guys allowed!" And I'm sure 200 new STDs were born from that orgy.