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Our little Crackie of Camden put on her Saturday best and skipped off to rehab in London yesterday for like the billionth time this year. Hopefully, it'll stick this time!

Wino was taken to The Clinic (DUN DUN DUN) by her friend Blake Wood. Mitch Wino got on his soap box and told The News of the World that Wino just has a "chest infection" (aka a crack cough). Then Daddy Wino sang them a fucking aria, performed his comedy routine over the phone and promised to send their asses some autographed pictures of himself. Get your eye and ear plugs out, because now that Wino is back in rehab, Daddy Wino is not going to shut up his lips.

Below are a few more pictures of the Crackie of Camden flashing her delicious burnt butter teefs while making her way into the tank for more fun and games. Yes, I'm fully aware that she looks like a hobo rat with a bad case of meth pox who just crawled out of a dirty toilet, but that's not my issue with her appearance.

I'm concerned about the fact that her crackhive is missing! Put out a fucking APB! If the crackhive is not with her, shit must be serious. You know that scared crackhive is hiding under her bed, rocking itself to sleep to stop the visions. Don't you worry your hairy little head, Crackhive! Everything will be alright now that Wino is back in The Clinic, right? As long as she eats the Jello, she'll be fine. Eat the Jello, Wino! And then soak those teefs in some OxiClean!

At first, I thought Gwen Stefani was wearing some fancy ass couture shit, but then I realized it's that time of year when we all dress like fools or whores and get fucking wasted. Halloweenies! Yay!

Seriously though, Gwen's egg costume is probably some artsy Japanese designer crap she bought for a gazillion dollars in some underground store in Tokyo. She's so edgy. You know Solange is down in the basement making her own version out of an shower curtain and some place mats.

Here's Gwennie and her family leaving some Halloweenies party last night in Los Angeles. It looks like Gavin Rossdale is carrying his bacon costume when he really should be wearing it. FUN HATER. I bet he looked like a giant pair of labia lips.

So ever since Nicole Richie had a baby, she's become all womanly and shit. I mean, she actually has chichis! She's no longer Wonky McValtrex's eye-rolling sidekick. She probably gets her period and everything! I miss chunky Nicole who had a gutter mouth and flashed her tittays on the catwalk. Now that she's an adult, she's kind of boring. She's so boring that she's turning beige!

However, she looks a million times hotter without that dirty tampon boyfriend hanging on her arm.

Here's a few more of Sad Clown Baby's mommy at the Carousel of Hope Ball last night. Yes, there were actually people there under the age of 95 (see below). I also threw in some pictures of other whores who were there including the shining gold bar known as Camille Grammer aka my favorite modern day gold digger. They don't make gold diggers like her anymore. She's a gold digger that takes her job and position seriously! In the Grammer camp, she probably makes Employee of the Month every month! And she makes sure she's always looking like a shiny trophy! Her attention to detail is amazing. She made sure that her wonk eye matched her wonk titties perfectly. I love her.

I've never been one of those whores who dry heave at the sight of bare feet, but I know some skanks who do. I knew some broad who in high school who would seriously start gagging every time she saw a completely bare foot. She could handle if it was in a flip flop, but not if it was just hanging out naked by itself. This bitch had a bad case of foot phobia. She couldn't even fuck a dude unless he wore socks! I asked her once, "Well, would you ever let a dude toe fuck you in the vag?" I thought the ho was going to shower herself with her own vom just to wash away the image of a big toe going into her cooze.

It's a good thing she wasn't at the Carouse of Hope Ball in Beverly Hills last night, because Lara Flynn Boyle kicked off her heels and walked the red carpet like she was fucking Joss Stone. Yeah, her shoes were probably bothering her hooves, but still. Have some consideration for the bitches around you who might suffer from severe foot phobia! I'm surprised Lara even has feeling in her feet, seeing as though she doesn't have feeling in her face. THAT FACE! She used to be the sexiest chick on TV and now she looks like hard silly putty.

Last night's Carousel of Hope Ball looked like "show off your new face night" at the fucking retirement village. There were enough wigs there to keep a tribe of performing drag queens going for years to come! Below are some of my favorite memaws from the night. Don't feel bad if you don't know any of these memaws and pepaws' names, because they probably don't know either.

Finally a new fucking couple that I can get behind.....and push into traffic. Seriously now! This is the greatest pairing since Brit Brit & Cheetos!

Some bitch told Page Six that the head member of The Mega Slut Club, Aubrey O'Day, and squid brains master Kanye West were touching tongues at 10ak in NYC recently. This makes Kanye the newest member of The Mega Slut Club, because if you make out with Aubrey, you're also making out with like ten million other living things....at least. And that includes Ginger O'Day! It's also a little known fact that after your tongue has touched Aubrey's tongue, a "front of the line" voucher for the Free Clinic magically appears in your hands.

This makes me so excited THAT I COULD WRITE THE REST OF THIS POST IN CAPS. I won't do that, because I respect your hangover. BUT I REALLY WANT TO! But I won't.

The nosy bitch who spilled the jizz to Page Six said, "Either they actually kissed, or Aubrey was just telling people they kissed."

It's probably the latter, but allow me to believe this shit just for a quick minute. KanDay is just the couple to knock down Brangelina off of their golden pedestal!

The Queen (I have to call her that or she'll end me) performed her own thrilling rendition of Mimi's "Touch My Body" the other night during her show in DC. This isn't the first time Aretha has sang this song. No, she serenades all of her 35 daily meals with this beautiful tune while she pours melted butter all over the plate.

Touching the Chichi Queen's entire body would take days, months, years. You'd have to bring your passport, some dried food packs, gallons of water, a flare fun, an oxygen tank and a Husky dog. You might not ever come back if you get trapped underneath one of her tittay boulders. There might be a half-eaten Hoagie up in there to keep you going for a few weeks after your supplies have run out, but after that, you're fucked.

And here's a few pictures of Queen Aretha leaving Matt Lauer's roast in NYC the other night. Like Tommy Girl, the Chichi Queen was probably disappointed because she misunderstood the meaning of a ROAST. She even wore her favorite eatin' scarf and everything!

Mr. Green Genes - America's first glow-in-the-dark cat and he's a ginge! I can't say he's the first glow-in-the-dark pussy, because I'm pretty sure Parasite Hilton's radioactive snatch already does that.

Scientists genetically modified Mr. Green Genes, so that his eyes, ears, nose and gums glow under a black fluorescent light. The science bitches at Audubon Centre for Research of Endangered Species in New Orleans made his shit glow-in-the-dark, so they could see better at raves. No, they did it so "they could learn whether a gene could be introduced harmlessly into the feline's genetic sequence to create what is formally known as a transgenic cat." Doing this shit could lead to treatments for cystic fibrosis and other conditions. Yeah, smart words confuse me. All I know is that he glows in the dark!

I must admit that cloned things kind of scare me. But Mr. Green Genes does glow-in-the-dark, so you'll have some warning if he tries to sneak up on you at night to eat your face or something.

VIA Best Week Ever

Cary Elwes (46) (Note from MK: DAMN! Westley ain't the same!)
Sasha Cohen (24)
Jon Heder (31)
Seth MacFarlane (35)
Anthony Rapp (37)
Keith Urban (41)
Tom Cavanagh (45)
Natalie Merchant (45)
Dylan McDermott (47)
Rita Wilson (50)
Julian Schnabel (57)
Bootsy Collins (57)
Hillary Clinton (61)
Jaclyn Smith (61)
Pat Sajak (62)
Bob Hoskins (66)
Shelley Morrison (72)