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The raggedy puff ball known as Aubrey O'Day loves to go out every night to do "slut bag stuff," but must she drag poor Ginger with her every time? I'm sure Ginger really wants to be around a bunch of drunk whores who spill their Mojitos on her. Actually, she probably puts her little paws together and prays at night that someone will drop a cocktail on her, so that it can wash away that dye.

How long has Ginger been wearing that hideous hair color for? Like a month? If that shit is temporary, shouldn't it wash out rather quickly? That means the pooch hasn't had a bath for at least a few weeks. Vom.

My dog gets a bath once a week like clockwork. I'm obsessive about it. I brush him once a day and wash him once a week or else he'll smell like rotten ass jelly. His ass jelly smell mixed with my butt grease stench could kill baby birds.

Little Ginger not getting her ass washed regularly makes sense, because Aubrey looks like soap hasn't touched her skin in a while. That being said, I still adore her like a pair of low hangers. Don't ask me why.

Here's Aubrey and her suicide watch dog at a Paper Magazine party last night. I also threw in some pictures of Amanda Lepore, because this post called for a little tranny hotness.

Yeah, this isn't strange. David Crosby has somehow found himself as part of the case between Rob Lowe and his former nasty nanny. Laura Boyce (the nasty nanny) claims she was sexually harassed by the Lowes. They're currently going through a bunch of court shit.

TMZ reports that David hung out with Laura Boyce and the Lowes in Hawaii last year. He said in a declaration that Laura kept talking about big dicks. Can we please get audio of David saying this!

David said that Laura openly talked about only dating "black guys because of their cocks." David went on to say, "Laura Boyce was open about her personal life and dating preferences and freely discussed that in front of my wife and me."

A friend of the Lowes also said in a declaration that the always classy Laura talked about jumbo peen a lot. The friend said, "Laura began bragging about the size of her boyfriend's penis. Laura said that her boyfriend was an African American athlete. Laura bragged that her boyfriend's penis was 'the second largest cock in the NBA.'" How big was his wang you ask? Well, the Lowes' friend went on to say that it was so big that Laura "had to wear a 'life saver' so that his penis didn't 'rip her pussy apart."

For the children out there, a "life saver" is a ring you put on your massive schlong so that it doesn't poke out an organ or anything.

First of all, Laura Boyce probably shouldn't be a nanny anymore, right? What the hell kind of nanny talks like that?! They should be talking about spoonfuls of sugar. Not about cock!

Second of all, if her boyfriend has the second biggest dick in the NBA, who has the first? How do they determine this? Do they say, "Welcome to the NBA! We need to measure your dick now"? And where is this list kept? Is it open to the public? Are there pictures as proof? I need to know the answers to these questions! The welfare of my private areas depend on it!

At last night's Elle Magazine party, Halle Berry looked a little pregnanty (yes, I made that up) in the belly area. She didn't if she was knocked up, but she did tell UsWeekly that her and Hot Sperm Donor are trying to give Baby Nahla a sibling. She said, "Yeah, we are working on that!"

When asked if they were getting married anytime soon, Hot Sperm Donor said, "We have no plans for marriage. We are more married than ever, really.” More married than ever? What does that mean exactly? I thought they were trying to have a baby. Married bitches don't do sexy times!

You know, if I looked like Halle Berry and my dude looked like Hot Sperm Donor, I would spend my days and nights trying to have a baby. I wouldn't be at that event, because I'd be too busy "trying" to make a baby. I would only set aside 20-minutes of free time a day to play with my own chichis.

Seriously. How can you chicks with big tittays not play with them all the time? I know. Chicks say the same thing about peens, but it's totally different. Playing with your own peen usually leads to it getting excited and then...well...you know. It's a whole fucking production! But playing with your own chichis is good, clean fun!

Trust me. This is light for the Olsens. Although, I'm sure there's at least a few hundred animal skins in just one of those bags. Their largest coat is probably the size of one of your socks, so they can fit a lot of shit in that big bag.

The other bag contains their travel meals which include snips and snails and puppy dog tails. Yeah, I know that's what little boys are made of. That's what the Olsens trolls eat too.

Here they are pushing their own luggage carts (!!!!!) at Heathrow Airport in London today. The sort of hot dude with them has already been banished to the underworld below their tree trunk houses for not pushing their carts.

If the Olsen trolls ever need to make a quick getaway out of a city, they could both pile into just one of those suitcases and check themselves in. Nobody would notice.

Kory McFarren, the dude who left his girlfriend stuck on the toilet seat for a long ass time, has won the Kansas State Lottery! If you've been stuck a toilet seat yourself for the past few months and have no idea what I'm talking about, then click here, here and here to get updated. It's a sordid tale.

So... Kory cashed in his winning $2 Bonus Crossword ticket for $20,000 yesterday. Get this shit. This is the second time he's won the lottery in the past year. Kory's got lady luck stuck to his ass cheeks.

Who knows if Kory and Toilet Lady are still together. She was released from the hospital a few months ago after being stuck to a toilet seat for at least a month. Last I heard, Toilet Lady is living with some guardian and legally is only allowed to pee while squatting over the toilet. I'm joking about that last part.

In July, Kory was sentenced to six months probation after he pleaded no contest to being a dumb fuck for allowing his girlfriend to live in the bathroom for 2 years.

Kory should take that $20,000 and buy Toilet Lady a pair of shiny new ass cheeks. Then he should use the rest to buy a fucking clue.

Thanks Susan

Okay, skanks! It's time to take your finger out of your (insert nickname for favorite hole here) and vote for September's "Hot Slut of the Month!" Your choices are:

Billy Mays - Infomercial king and chronic soft shouter
Etty Farrell - Rocker ladyboy and wife of Perry
Abandoned Couch - Abandoned couch
Isis Tsunami - America's next top tranny model

I shouldn't have to tell you this, but only humans can vote! Your sofa, loveseat and/or lounger cannot vote. It won't count! I'll know because....because.....I'll just know! Voting is in the right sidebar. The winning slut will be announced Thursday!

David Beckham likes shit on his face - Towleroad

Breaking! Jodie Marsh actually wears panties - Hollywood Tuna

Carrie Underwood is slumming it with Travis Stork - Lainey Gossip

The new Bond girl used to have extra fingers - Defamer

Lauren Conrad's dad wears sexy shorts (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Gerard Butler just because - Just Jared

Some foolio is paying Jenny Aniston $20 million for a movie - Hollywood Rag

You know you've been wondering what Avril Lavigne looks like topless - Cityrag

Kendra Wilkinson judging a bikini contest in a bikini - Egotastic

Drew Barrymore's mouth full of metal. Great. This lisp is going to be worse - Popsugar

Some things in this world should not exist like Parasite Hilton, the Spongebob ass thermometer and chocolate covered pork rinds. Add this Baby Wee Wee doll from the UK to the list. After watching this commercial, I need Chris Hansen to hold me and tell me it was all just a bad dream.

I mean, you tickle the doll, his peen starts wiggling and then he pisses on your face! NO. Put. It. Away. Forever.

Well, at least you know what to go R. Kelly for Christmas.

VIA Videogum

In 1995, there was this show called "High Society" that starred Jean Smart and Mary McDonnell as a couple of rich Manhattan socialites. I was excited for this crap because it was unofficially called the American "Absolutely Fabulous." There was nothing fabulous about it. It was like AbFab on life support. Awful. Obviously, the dumb fucks in Hollywood didn't learn from "High Society's" failure, because they are planning another American version of AbFab. Aim for the wastebasket when you barf.

Variety reports that Fox is putting together a redo of the show about two drunk 40-something bitches. Jennifer Saunders will executive produce. The American version will transplant Edie, Patsy and company from London to Los Angeles. And no, Saunders and Lumley will not be reprising their roles.

Okay, I'm not going to completely bust a diarrhea bomb on this idea, because Jennifer Saunders is involved. However, I just don't see how this shit can work on FOX. They won't be allowed to chain smoke or drug it up all night. So what's the point? You know they are going to cast Christine Baranski and Megan Mullally. Ugh.

And I'm sure the American version of "Nighty Night" isn't far off. Oh, wait. I just googled and it's in the works...... DEATH!

In an interview with The Daily Beast, JLo (ironic, right?) talks about and defends Scientology, but denies being a member. Her daddy and a bunch of her friends including Leah Remini are card carrying members of Tommy Girl's band of alien crazies.

JLo said, “I do know a lot about Scientology. And I know about the practices. I know all about what the technology is and all that kind of stuff. It’s very helpful. So in a sense, yeah, you do call on it.” When asked if she's an alien worshipper, she said, “No…I wouldn't have a problem saying [I was] because I know what it is. I have no problems with it and it really actually bothers me that people have such a negative feeling towards it.”

And would JLo ever consider putting her Dragon Tales Twins in Scientology school? “Yeah. I wouldn’t mind. Not at all. Because I know that the technologies that they have are very helpful…It’s all about communication. That’s the thing I really don’t like about talking about this. I do know so many great people who do do it, who choose it as a lifestyle and really follow it and it is their religion…I just wish that people wouldn’t judge it without knowing what it is.”

JLo, it's okay. Have Tommy Girl call Oprah, so that you can go on her show, jump on her couch and finally tell the world that you love barley water and aliens. It's fine.

You know how else I can tell she's a Scientologist? She's starting to get a little frumpy in the hair. That's one of the first things to go! Look at Katie Holmes. She had cute hair until she hooked up with Tommy Girl. Now her weepy mop looks like it could use a huge shot of Prozac. But that will never happen....

Visit The Daily Beast to read the rest of JLo's interview. She talks about her nervous breakdown, selling her baby pictures for $6 million and once again tries to convince us that she's still just Jenny from the Block.

And here's a few pictures of JLo with old lady hair and a memaw dress at an event for Elle Magazine in Los Angeles last night.