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It's bad enough that I'm forced (yes, forced) to watch Mop Head's fugly ass on DWTS twice a week, but now I have to listen to her bitch and moan about being called a fat ass. I've got news, bitch. You are FAT! Fat in the hair!

CHERYL BURKE is boo-hooing about being called a lard butt by bloggers. Don't you even look my way. I never called this slag "fat." I might have said that her back fat could feed a small nation or that when she rubs her thighs together butter is made, but I never called her fat. The dumb ho is talking about somebody else.

Mop Head opened up her mouth and said, “I want kids or women out there to realize you don’t have to be anorexic to be beautiful. There’s a lot of pressure living this Hollywood life. People expect to see you at a certain weight and when you gain a few pounds then all of a sudden it’s the talk of the week. People will always have an opinion about you, whether it’s good or it’s bad. But most important is to have a secure feeling about yourself and know that you’re beautiful regardless of what people think of you. When I was younger, I wasn’t stick thin. I wasn’t tall. I don’t have long legs. I wasn’t naturally skinny. As I grew older, I just became more comfortable in my own skin.”

Talk of the week? The only douche talking about this is CHERYL BURKE. And I want to tell the kids and women out there that you are beautiful unless your name is CHERYL BURKE!

Below is pictures from this past July of Mop Head annoying the sea creatures of Malibu.

Bianca Golden has already told her side of the twig vs. fat airport fight in the Turks and Caicos on July 30th. Bianca told Ty Ty Banks that Tracy Turnblad kicked her mommy in the vagina. Nikki Blonsky tells People that her foot never touched that lady's cooze.

Nikki's version of the story is the opposite of Bianca's, of course. Nikki claims Bianca's family got all angry and shit because people were saving seats. Nikki went on to say that it turned physical when she asked Bianca not to point her finger in her face. Nikki said, "That's when she stood up, pulled her arm all the way back and said, 'Fuck you, you white bitch.' And she closed her fist and punched me."

Conveniently, Nikki didn't mention the little part about her daddy allegedly punching Bianca's mom in the face.

Bianca has already responded to Nikki's side of the story. She tells Inside Edition, "I witnessed Nikki Blonsky take her foot and kick my mom in her lower abdomen."

Why don't we just ask Bianca's mommy's chocha. The chocha cannot tell a lie. I'm not sure if I believe that Tracy Turnblad kicked anybody in the snatch. Now if you told me Nikki poured horsey sauce on the vagina and then gobbled it one bite, I'd believe you.

I don't know why the bitches at Madam Tussaud's even bothered making a wax statue of cover girl princess Zac Efron. Zac Efron IS a wax statute. They did however make him look like a creepy, slow, manchild with a busted cokey nose and a Clay Gayken wig on his head.

If you have a death wish and want to see this horrific creation for yourself, you better head to Madam Tussaud's in London right now before Johnny Travolta buys it for his own personal use.

No, it's not Santey Claus undercover at a biker bar. It's Tater Head's daddy Bruce Willis! Bruce has gone all natural and my genitals don't know how to process it. It's a little unabomber-ish for my tastes.

And silver dick bushes have always made me a bit nervous. Yeah, they're shiny and happy, but that's distracting while you're yaffling the vanilla cannon.

Oh, fuck it! I'd hit it with a Donder costume on.

Here's Sasquatch Brucie with one of his daughters and his girlfriend leaving Barney's in Los Angeles yesterday. Is his girlfriend like 12-years-old? Seriously. She looks it.

Hearyee! Hearyee! All citizens of Los Angeles! A real member of gayelle royalty is in your midst! Don't even give me any "Ellen and Portia live here" shit. Or "HoHan and SamRo are always lezzing around these parts" crap. Those generic clam chompers pale in comparison to Rojo Caliente and her ginge queen!

I'm tempted to get on the next glider out of this joint and head directly to the city of a thousand whores. Everything I love is there: In-N-Out, The Empress of Lucite, Chicken Cutlets, Knott's Scary Farm, In-N-Out and now Rojo! That's okay. I'll just admire from a far. Besides, Rojo is coming back! Unless, she realized that she's safer from me in L.A. than NYC. Say that ain't so.

Here's a few of the most beautiful gayelle in America with her "cranky in the face" lady wife. I think Rojo is probably texting the NYC police department to find out the status of her restraining order against me.

Not since international supermodel Phoebe Price, has an inanimate object from the streets of Los Angeles captured your votes to become Hot Slut of the Month! I mean, a fucking abandoned couch!

Anyway, Abanonded Couch received 50% of your votes and beat out a bunch of bitches who don't really matter right now. I hope AC goes into an Olan Mills studio soon, because I'm sick of seeing the same picture of it!

Thanks to all you stoners who voted!

Vintage Alba with a little pubic beard - IDLYITW

Scary Spice's awkward lingerie pictures - Hollywood Tuna

Pepaw Clooney goes topless in Puerto Rico - Popsugar

Hef's new twins are fuglier than I thought - Egotastic!

Tara Reid goes to the dentist to get all the jizz crust blasted off her teeth - Hollywood Rag

Randy Spelling and his gorgeous girlfriend (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Banksy's hot "mock pet store" - Towleroad

Jude Law has more hair on his face than on his head - Just Jared

Why waste your booze money on buying a Halloween costume when you can make your own? - Cityrag

Courtney Cox has "tried" Botox before - Lainey Gossip

The greatest mother who ever walked the face of this earth breastfeeds one of her twin messiahs on the cover of November's W Magazine. It was shot by the greatest father in the entire universe.

It's funny that this simple black and white picture probably made a thousand Brangaloonies drop dead on the spot. W should make at least ten million copies of this for the Brangaloonies that are still alive and will use these pictures to cover their cars, homes, children and pets.

And the word "private" should never be used in the same sentence as the names "Brad Pitt" and "Angelina Jolie."

That picture-perfect Hollywood couple may want to have their hunky friend walk a little further behind them. Word’s getting around that he’s the actor’s boyfriend, but apparently the actress is cool with it. (Blind Gossip via Gawker)

All of them! Could be Tommy & Katie or Will & Jada? Or maybe Portia & Ellen? Does Rojo hang around them?

Whose friends are begging her to go back to rehab? This over-35 celeb was sober for a long time, but she has started drinking again and can’t seem to restrain herself from picking up every young boy in town. She thinks her random hook-ups are funny, and prove to her ex that she has moved on. Her friends, however, think that her activities are desperate, creepy, and downright dangerous. (Blind Gossip)

Jenny Aniston or Nicollette Sheridan?

Think Jessica Simpson and Kim Kardashian are the only ones with boyfriends? Well, I think you are forgetting about one very important C+ actor on a hit network drama who leaves his wife and kids every weekend to go cheer on his boyfriend who is on an NFL west coast team. (CDAN)

Please let it be Christopher Meloni.....

52-year-old Maverna Theresa Turay of Bradenton, FL was arrested at her home yesterday because she poured a pot of boiling hot water on her husband's crotch area! Maybe she was in the mood for some hot dick?

Maverna told police that she thinks her husband has been cheating on her ass, so she busted a hot load on his groin while he slept. She also admitted that she had been boozing before the incident. Maverna didn't need to say that. Her glazed eyes already confirmed that little tidbit.

She was charged with aggravated domestic battery. Her husband is in fair condition at a local hospital.

Maverna didn't let a little thing called "getting arrested" get in the way of a hot mug shot. This is how you do it. Yes, Maverna knows that she's about to spend the night on the concrete floor of a jail cell, where prostitutes and junkies will probably try and sit on her face. She knows all of this, but she's going to smile for her mug shot like she means it.

Nothing says "I burned my husband's dick and I don't give an eff" like a smiley mug shot.

Source

Thanks Athina