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Rolling Stone has come out with their 100 Greatest Singers Of All-Time list and Celine Dion isn't even on it! She is the "greatest singa in da wooorld!!!" She's going to take a kayak over to Rolling Stone and beat them with her elbow bone. Celine didn't make the list, but Queen Aretha Franklin and her magnificent titty balls of destruction landed on #1!! Rolling Stone really had no choice. Queen Aretha threatened to eat their whole building if they didn't make her #1. They know she was serious. She had the Thousand Island dressing with her, ready to go.

I pity the 99 fools below Aretha on this list. They are fucking holding on for dear life with Aretha on top of them. They are trying to get strength from their fucking toenails. Aretha's just sitting up top like the queen she is, picking her teeth and flexing her chichis.

I'm sure you'll rip apart the rest of the list like I already have. I mean, no Chloe Lattanzi?! No Kim from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta"? No The Hoff?! I just have 4 letters for this list: F-A-L-E! I'm joking! I know how to spell fale. Wait. How do you spell it? Stop! Let's get to business!

The full list after the jump. JUMP!!!

George Clooney dodges marriage the same way most gynecologists dodge Wonky McValtrex's diseased snatch. Well, the man who wants nothing to do with marriage has spoken out against California's gay marriage ban.

Georgie told E!'s Ted Casablanca: "At some point in our lifetime, gay marriage won't be an issue, and everyone who stood against this civil right will look as outdated as George Wallace standing on the school steps keeping James Hood from entering the University of Alabama because he was black."

Ignore all those words he said. Forget that. He was really saying, "Michael, if you make Prop. 8 disappear, I will marry you legally in California without a pre-nup." Seriously, he said that! Put your ear to his statement above. Tell me you don't hear what I hear. I'm not crazy! I even asked my dog and he heard the exact same thing I did. I'm not insane! Take that, Robot Call Girl!

George! I will make it go away. I will trade the Mormons my stash of Mother's Cookies if they drop that Prop 8 shit. Hey, Mother's Cookies are a hot commodity! Or maybe I can offer them a month-long visit with Spaghetti Cat. Who doesn't love Spaghetti Cat?!

On a serious note, there's a few Prop 8 protests tonight and tomorrow. There's one in NYC tonight. Visit GLAAD for more info on that shit.

And here's my hopefully future ex-husband and his hairy pubestache leaving Dan Tana's in West Hollywood last night.

So this is how Sue Johanson has been keeping busy ever since she stopped doing "Talk Sex"? She's joined the angry airport lady brigade at LAX! When I retire, I want to join their army. There's no better way to take out years of frustration and anger than pushing and screaming at a mob of paparazzi. The angry airport lady brigade should carry blow horns, tasers and shanks.

Above is a clip of an extremely hot airport lady paving the way for HoHan and her private vag vacuum SamRo. Thanks to the screaming airport lady the not-gayelle and her lady lovah made it to Heathrow safe and sound (below). Let's face the facts, without the angry airport lady, HoHan and SamRo would've died or been trampled by the paps. Angry airport ladies are saving the world!

Taylor Swift recently said that 19-year-old Joe Jonas dumped her squinty ass over the phone not too long ago and now it looks like he has already moved on to an older woman. And older woman who can appreciate a pair of brilliant brows. Taylor probably couldn't open her little eyes wide enough to see Joe's glorious eye hair and he was sick of it! He wanted her to love him for his brows!

Some source told People that Joe Jonas is dating 22-year-old actress Camilla Belle. I know her ass from that "When A Stranger Calls" remake. They met on the set of a Jonas Brothers music video and it's been love at first eyebrow sight ever since.

The source said, "They are not public about it but they've just been hanging out with their friends and Joe's brothers. They are very private about it."

Just hanging out with friends? Yeah, right. They probably spend hours alone, caressing each other's eyebrows, softly brushing them and carefully plucking each hair. Together, this dynamic eyebrow duo can change the eyebrow world forever. Shit. Maybe they can get married, adopt Raven and help her with her eyebrow issues!

Last night on "Real Housewives of Atlanta" NeNe began the journey to find who her real father is by getting a DNA sample at some storefront in a strip mall called ANY TEST. Damn. The place looked like it used to be an H&R Block and then it went out of business and ANY TEST took over the lease. Couldn't they have been more discreet? Everyone knows what you're up to when you're strolling into ANY TEST. They should've named that shit "Good News/Bad News" or "You Are Not The Father" or "Maury's Place."

Anyway, NeNe got her cheek swabbed at ANY TEST and they sent it off to Seattle to check the results with the DNA sample belonging to Curtis, the dude she always thought was her daddy. SPOILER ALERT! (In my best Maury voice) Curtis is not the father!! NeNe found out that there's a 0% chance that she was came from Curtis' sperm. Now NeNe must find out who her real father is! Dramatic shit. If this was a soap opera, NeNe would find out that her daddy is Kim's Big Pappa. Or better yet, she would find out that her real father is Kim's wig!

NeNe don't need a daddy, she has the alwas precious Dwight Eubanks. Below is a clip of NeNe and her main homegirl getting matching French pedicures on their pretty feet while Dwight tells her his secret to looking gorgeous at 50. They also talk about Sheree's busted ass fashion "viewing party" to debut her new line. To prove she's an independent woman, Sheree started her own fashion line "He/She by Sheree" without anybody's help! Well, except for her husband. He paid for it. And the help of a sketch artist, seamstress, publicist, life coach and who knows who else. Basically, Sheree didn't do shit!

The election is over, yet the Obama Girl still exists. And what is she doing with that pooch?! - Hollywood Tuna

Miley Cyrus is looking a little crackhead-ey in the eyes - Just Jared

Kristen Bell hard at work filming...in a bikini....in Bora Bora - Egotastic!

Jules, the world's most lifelike robot can speak. Hold me... - Towleroad

Lydia Hearst topless and doing it with a bear rug (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Adrienne Bailon is a dumb bitch liar with a piece of caca on her ass - IDLYITW

There will not be a SATC movie unless SJP says so - Popsugar

Shania Twain is back! - Lainey Gossip

Fuggie Fug gained some chunk to play a hooker - Hollywood Rag

Xtina can't hold her liquor - Cityrag

You're peeking!!!

Which proud new papa isn’t much of a family guy? The handsome actor, notorious for having a roving eye, was spotted leaving a downtown hot spot with the beautiful bartender. (NY Daily News)

OMG! The daddy of the puppies on PUPPY CAM?! I'll guess Matthew McConaughey?

Which hardcore rapper has banned all frozen food from his dressing room before he performs? His band are furious as he insists they stick to a celery and hummous diet... (3am Girls)

MC Skat Cat? Or Lil' Wayne?

This NBA star and when I say star, he is definitely All Star caliber is sleeping with this male B list actor from a Top 20 network drama. Yes, they say they are just friends, but it is way beyond that. (CDAN)

What's the NBA?

He is an actor who has been called one of the hottest men in the world. However, she is less than thrilled with the relationship. He has a problem in the bedroom. Even the little blue pill doesn’t work. She calls him “The Limp Noodle” or “Mr. Noodle” behind his back. Frustrated, but reluctant to leave him because being part of a celebrity couple has its perks, she has resorted to seeing an old boyfriend on the sly to satisfy her carnal needs. (Blind Gossip)

Please don't let it be Carrot Top! I'll guess DiCaprio?

Marky Mark and his third nipple posed a topless Kate Moss back in the 90s for that Calvin Klein shit. Marky didn't have to worry about having a boner accident during the shoot, because he wasn't into Kate's boy body.

He told Nuts Magazine (via The Sun), "It was OK. I wasn’t into the waif thing. She kind of looked like my nephew. I mean she’s beautiful – she’s a very pretty nephew – but I’m more into curvy women.....and say hi to your mutha for me." He didn't say that last part. Okay, he probably did, but not on record.

I'm sure the feeling was mutual. Marky Mark has a body built for hitting it from the front, but he has a face that could a pacifier and a head that's missing a dunce cap.

I owe Todd Solondz a taint cleaning and a bag of my beloved Mother's ORIGINAL Circus Animal Cookies for bringing me the magic of Dawn Wiener in "Welcome to the Dollhouse," but I'm not sure how to feel about him now. You see, he's cast Wonky McValtrex in one of his movies. And it's not a snuff film!

Todd is working on a follow-up to "Happiness" and it sounds like he took a few long bong hits, threw some names into a pot, pulled them out and that was his cast! In addition to Wonky, the rest of the cast includes: Allison Janney, Charlotte Rampling, Ciaran Hinds, Pee Wee Herman, Michael Lerner and Shirley Henderson. They are currently filming this shit in Puerto Rico.

There's a scene in "Happiness" where a pooch licks up some jizz and then licks on a woman's face. Maybe Todd wants to re-create that scene using a dumb ho instead of a dog for the sequel and knew Wonky would be the only nasty bitch who would do it for scale?! Why else would he bother casting her ass? Casting a worn-out dildo would've made more sense.

Allison Janney and Charlotte Rampling sharing a screen with Wonky?! Okay, movie-making people, the fun and games are over. It's time to pull the plug.

Hairy giant Brad Garrett was leaving Dan Tana's restaurant in West Hollywood last night when the paparazzi started taking pictures of him. I don't know why? Maybe they were trying to keep the Bigfoot hoax alive.

Brad is known for getting all bitchy with the paps, so it wasn't much of a surprise when he started hitting at the cameras and telling them to get "a real job." The paps kept egging him on and Brad finally told them to put their shit down so they all could do the douche hustle. Unfortunately, they never got into it and Brad ended up waddling to his car.

According to TMZ, someone (probably one of the paps) filed a police report against Brad and the cops are looking into it.

Watching this video reminds me of high school all over again. I'm the kid sitting at the green round table (aka "special people" table) laughing at all the douchebags pumping up their chests at each other. I had to be careful not to laugh too loud, because one time both of the dick bags noticed and turned on me! I had to grab my retainer wrapped in a napkin from the table and run my gay ass to my chola friends for protection.