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Lisa Wu Hartwell, the Alexyss K. Tylor clone, from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" has a brown belt in Kajukenbo and is ready to use her skills to beat Kim's wig right off of her pony head. Lisa told Essence.com that shit got heated during the reunion show.

Lisa said, "Let's just say, Kim pushed the wrong and the last button, which takes me there. Normally, I conduct myself professionally and I prefer to turn the other cheek, but you can't allow people to continue to play with you because they'll think they can do that all day, every day. So I'd say that people will be surprised because I was surprised and somewhat embarrassed myself, but I'm human and you have to let people know that they can't just say whatever they want to you. I've been extremely diplomatic and there are horrible things I could have said but I have chosen not to and still do. When you come after my integrity or my family, then you're going to see a different person."

The different person Lisa is talking about came alive and left Kim a few voicemails threatening to come down to her house. The voicemails made Kim's 30-year-old ass (HA!) run to a lawyer for protection. Apparently, she wants some kind of restraining order against Lisa, because she's afraid she's going to wipe the sidewalk with her tortured polyester mop on her head.

Outside of her townhouse in Atlanta, Kim played one of the voicemails from Lisa to TMZ. In the voicemail, Lisa says, "I am not the one. I am not Sheree and I am not NeNe. You really don't know who I am, so I think you need to call me. And I might just be coming to your house."

YES! Please go to her house, Lisa! And bring several camera crews. And bring NeNe too! She can sing her hit song "I know I said I was 29, but I know I'm really 89" during the beat down. This could be the pay-per-view event of the year!

Click here to see Kim act all professional-like while speaking to TMZ. I love how she says she's shooting a movie with Demi Moore and David Duchovny. Yeah, more like she's standing in the background with all the other extras. Bitch, don't pull a "Phoebe Price." Only she can get away with saying shit like that.

As expected, B.Walt's 10 Most Fascinating People of 2008 aren't that fucking fascinating. ABC released 7 of the 10 and I co-sign two of them: Tina Fey & Michael Phelps. I'm having a Chico's kind of day, so I'm feeling the Phelps love. The other 5 choices would be on my least fascinating list. They include:

Miley Cyrus - Disney made Babs do it!
Tommy Girl - L. Ron Hubbard's ghost made Babs do it!
Will Smith - Tommy Girl made Babs do it!
Frank Langella - Whoopi made Babs do it!
Rush Limbaugh - The crazy that lives in her brains made Babs do it!

What the hell kind of GD list is this?! They should call it the 10 Most Fascinating People & Things of 2008 and that list should be: The Live Feed Puppies, Rojo Caliente, The Empress of Lucite, Chicken Cutlets, Spaghetti Cat, Kim's wig from "The Real Housewives of Atlanta," Randi Sue from "True Blood," La Pequena, Falling Scarlet and Suri Cruise.

Source

A bunch of beaver-haters complained about this commercial for Kotex U, only airing in Australia, which features a chick doing fun time things with her furry friend. Despite all the complaints from a bunch of whiny skanks who obviously pooped out their sense of humor sticks, the ad will not be yanked off the air. Unfortunately, it will also not air outside of Australia.

This commercial almost makes me want to call up my lady friends to ask them if I could go to the beach with their beavers, get manicures with it and have lunch with it at an outdoor bistro. I would do this, but I would probably pass out when their beavers started throwing up chunky blood juice on me.

Source VIA The Frisky

....on your fat lips! Stop me if you've heard this one before: Saint Angie Jo has joined The Joaquin Phoenix Club and wants to quit making movies one day. Let's all do the eye roll wave!

In an interview with the BBC (via UsWeekly), Saint Angie said, "I don't plan to keep acting very long. I'm ready to do a few things now and fade away and get ready to be a grandma one day. I'm not so worried that I want to keep this pace up and try to be something and be a celebrity and be a successful actress forever. It's great, but everything comes in seasons. I hopefully I won't be needing to do that later in my life. I won't work again probably for another year. So maybe it'll be once a year, then maybe once a year, then maybe it'll be once every three years."

You know Maddox is giving her the side-eye at the whole grandma thing. Sorry, Maddox! You're already 7, so you'll be ready to adopt your first baby in a couple of years.

Don't worry, Brangaloonies. Saint Angie is going nowhere. Dumb dumb famewhores always say this shit and after ten million movies and a zillion magazine covers later, they are still here bothering us (yes, bothering us)! In fifty years, 83-year-old Saint Angie will still be around, breastfeeding her new quadruplets on some magazine cover.

It's been a little over a week since the live feed puppies bounced into my heart of stone and shattered it with their hours and hours of sleeping, sniffing, playing, sleeping, sneezing and more sleeping! Although, lately they've been much more animated. Yesterday, I saw one of the puppies do some R-rated shit with another puppy. Incest is not best.

The live feed puppies have taken the world by storm! Three million have tuned in to my favorite show so far.

Bitches who don't even give a fuck about animals are saying good night to the puppies before bed. People talked to the San Francisco couple who set up the webcam so that they could look over their puppies during the day. They set it up not knowing they were creating an international phenomenon that has taken away hours from my usual porn and reality show watching schedule. HOLD UP. As I'm writing this shit, two of the puppies are tag teaming another one! It's screaming and shit. SAVE IT! You see what this does to me? I'm like emotionally involved.

The puppies caretaker and videographer said, "We've received a number of emails from people who are in hospitals battling various diseases who have told us that they look to the Shiba Inu Puppy Cam as a way to liven up their spirits."

Unfortunately, you can't buy these puppies. They are all spoken for.

The puppies are Shiba Inus. The mommy's name is Kika. The daddy isn't around. He's one of those "love and leave 'em" types. They were born on October 7th. Their names are: Girls: Autumn (purple collar), Ayumi (yellow collar), Amaya (red collar), Aki (green collar), Akoni (black collar) and Ando (blue collar).

What am I going to do when they go away? My world is going to shatter! When they finally go away, all of you can set up a webcam up in my padded room as entertainment, because I'm probably going to finally snap when the puppy live feed stops.

Let's not think about that. Let's just make the time we have with them count.

Vadge has reportedly been telling her friends that A-Rod "has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body."

Aw. That's sweet. And A-Rod has been telling his friends that Vadge has the vagina of a T-Rex on He-Man's body.

Source

I'm sorry for the long ass pause I just took between posts. I feel like I'm coming down with the bubonic plague, so I went to rest my eyes for a quick minute and you know how that works. So! I'm here and now it's time to see what the children are up to!

18-year-old Taylor Swift, who I just want to throw a block of cheese at, has confessed that 19-year-old Joe Jonas left her for Camilla Belle! Taylor told the heartbreaking teen tale to UsWeekly, "They've been together since we broke up. That's why we broke up - because he met her. We don't talk."

This reminds me of when my first girlfriend in the 4th grade left me for another dude, because she said I walked like a girl. Well, FUCK HER. If she could only see me now! I don't walk like a girl anymore, I walk like a woman!

And she broke up with me by sending me a note during lunch that said "I'm breaking up with you." Her breaking up with me using a note made sense, because I asked her to be my girlfriend by sending her a note that said, "Do you want to go around? Circle YES or NO."

Alexyss K. Tylor teaches us about the joys of handicapped sex - Crunk + Disorderly

Preview Our Lady of Cheeto's album....it needs more Chester - 103.5 KTU

Alessandra Ambrosio just had a baby and she looks like this - Egotastic!

Katie Holmes looks like an old timey peasant lady going off to the river to do laundry on the rocks - Just Jared

Bruno watches, but doesn't touch at gay orgy - Towleroad

Tara Reid will never learn - IDLYITW

Kelly Ripa dances with the Knicks, doesn't suck that hard (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

A bunch of hos at the Country Music Awards - Popsugar

Penny Cruz upskirt! Okay, it's not Penny, it's her sister, but she's still a Cruz! - Hollywood Tuna

Boobs on wheels - Cityrag

Panatroll hates HoHan - Lainey Gossip

Natalie Portman is homeless - Hollywood Rag

Jodie Marsh is really taking this whole fauxmosexual thing seriously! England's crustiest meat pie "turned lesbian" last month and I figured she would be back on the dick faster than we could say "curdled vag jelly." Well, I guess this must be true love, because Jodie is still sharing her ass fleas with Nina.

The two lovewarts were out in London last night, being gross, kissing in cabs and making the street rats run for cover. Even Jacko's tattoo doesn't want to be a part of this fuckery!

Here's a few more of Pepé Le Pew and Penelope Pussycat gone wrong tramping around the streets.

Kanye West is the jam between my toes, the wax in my ears, the cheese in my...you get it. Basically, he's my everything, because he goes on batshit crazy rants about absolutely anything. I doubt he even know what he's ranting about anymore. Give him a MacBook Air or a Mic and let him rip.

Kanye one again clenched his ass cheeks and blasted MTV for fixing their award shows. At the launch of his new album in London Tuesday, Kanye screamed in ALL-CAPS: “Britney Spears over Rihanna? Are you serious? I mean fucking Jared Leto? He’s my boy but he shouldn’t have won over some of those other artists. I won nothing last year and I’d brought out Stronger. Then this year, just because I was there, I won best urban act. This was Lil' Wayne’s year.”

Err...Someone needs to gently tap on Kanye's shoulder and quietly whisper into his ear, "It is fixed." Kanye needs to save his CAPS and voice for shit that matters... I don't know... Maybe he can scream at the whores at Time Warner for their shitty ass service (I'm always yelling at them). And then he can send a CAPS-FILLED e-mail to my super for not fixing the broken fucking faucet.

Shit! That's what Kanye should do. He should use his god-given skills to help the people by yelling at the whores we're sick of yelling at. Kanye's Anger 4 Rent!

Source: The Sun