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It looks like the beat down of the century isn't going to happen or at least it's on hold for now. Lisa Wu Hartwell of "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" told Essence that she's not going to rip off Kim's wig and shove it down her throat so we don't have to hear her rhino warble anymore. Lisa said the shit went down after Kim told other bitches that Lisa is a crack whore.

Lisa says, "She said I was a crack whore and that's the reason I don't have my kids [her sons with Keith Sweat]. Not only did she lie and insult me, but she insulted my children and my integrity. I have never done drugs in my life. I am a businesswoman."

I love that. I'm going to start using that shit. When I'm asked if I'm drunk, I'll respond, "No! I've never been drunk in my life. I'm a businesswoman!" When my friend accuses me of sleeping with their man, I'll say, "Hell no! I don't do things like that. I'm a businesswoman!" It works for everything.

Lisa went on to say, "She was on the set of Demi Moore's new film "The Joneses," which costars David Duchovny and Chris Williams. and the "Real Housewives of Atlanta" cast was invited to star in as extras. I declined, but she and Sheree went. She didn't realize the people she said this to about me were friends of mine. I'm a businesswoman-an actress, writer and producer of movies-and to have her making up lies about me to people I could potentially work with one day is crazy! She said those things in front of Demi Moore."

Oh no! What will Tater Head's mom think? Don't worry, Lisa. She knows you're a businesswoman.

Lisa also denied that she ever threatened to kill Kim or that a restraining order is out against her. "The weird thing is when I spoke to Kim she said, 'Lisa, this is water under the bridge.' And then now I find out she's claiming that she fears for her life. I wonder if all of this was staged. She knows how I feel about my kids and if anyone were to insult them it would strike a nerve. Again, I didn't threaten this woman and I only made one call to her and absolutely no text messages. If I did, don't you think they would have shown it on TMZ.com?"

Kim denies calling Lisa a crack whore and she also denies filing a restraining order.

Fuck. This was all a stupid fucking publicity stunt to promote the show, right? Bamboozled again! First by John Travolta and now by Kim and her broken down welfare wig! NeNe owes me big time. She better throw a hot tub party and only invite Mah Boo and me.

And even if it is a dumb stunt, can Lisa please throw her dumb morals out the window and beat down Kim just for fun?

Have you ever been sitting on the toilet, wishing there was something jiggling your ass? Well, Johnny Henry of Laurel, Mississippi has the shit for you! Johnny is all happy with himself for inventing a vibrating toilet seat. That could be a lot of fun or just a big shitty mess. Johnny invented the buttcheek bouncer because he “wanted to add some life to the otherwise lifeless toilet seat.”

Johnny, who is currently working on getting his novelty product out there, said, “I wanted to create something that is a little unusual. This invention is designed to stimulate. It’s to make you feel good while you are there."

Yeah, I don't know how this would work for you exactly? I mean, it could jiggle the ass cookies out of you faster. And if you put your genitals on the seat, you could add a little cream to your lemonade. On the other hand, it could cause you to spray everywhere. Now if he added a dildo attachment, I'd empty my piggy bank for this shit! Pack it in and then push it out!

Source

Thanks Momus

Today on one of my favorite serious legal shows "Judge Alex" they had a case about something that is near and dear to me: eyebrows! Sharon Rivers (above) was suing Joy Tran for emotional distress for fucking up her eyebrows. Sharon paid Joy $180 to tattoo some "dreamy" eyebrows on her beautiful face. But Sharon claims Joy fucked it up by making them purple and lopsided.

I do not see a problem. This is the way all eyebrows should look. Sharon should empty out her checking account and give ever last cent to Miss Tran for turning her into the owner of two ravishing brows! I would get the same kind of eyebrows, but my face is not precious enough to carry off that look.

In the end, the sexy Judge Alex awarded Sharon $5000! Sharon needs to take that money and donate it to the "People in Need of Gorgeous Chola Eyebrows" fund! Judge Alex also denied Miss Tran's countersuit. Miss Tran sued Sharon for $900 for wasting her time. HA! Miss Tran is really fucking hot.

Below is a little clip of Sharon pleading her case to Judge Alex. My favorite part is when she says to the bailiff, "Would you go date me with eyebrows like this?" Um...I'm pretty sure that if she had a vagina over each eye, he still wouldn't go out with her. I'm joking! She's beautiful.

And I'm just reminding you that I'm hopped up on meds, so everything is fucking entertaining to me at this point.

That puss tart Johnny Travolta got me! I actually believed that he got rid of the dead beaver that sat on his head. I mean, the other day he looked as bald as HoHan's punane and now he's back to wearing plugs or Tommy Girl's pubic hair on his head. He was obviously wearing a bald cap the other day. Unless, he planted some barley seeds on his head, Xenu pissed on it and hair magically grew! With or without hair, he still looks like he's ready for a cum fart to the face.

Here's Tommy's scissor sister promoting that dumb "Bolt' movie in NYC this morning.

It could be the Duane Reade flu liquid caps talking, but this video has me fucking mesmerized. I feel this dog is trying to tell me something really damn important. Timmy's stuck in the well? Rojo Caliente's strap-on is stuck in Cynthia? I don't know, but I've been watching it over and over again.

This is also how I act after I've had too many Kamikaze shots.

Thanks Edan

Holy.... If I had a heart, it would have stopped beating after looking at these pictures of the most exquisite and gorgeous creature in the universe and beyond!!! The Empress of Lucite seriously looks like a ravishing crystal mermaid who has come to teach the world what true glamour really is. We should all get on our knees and thank the gods for giving us this priceless gift.

Now, I know you want to run out and buy Shauna Sand's stunning gown, but it's one-of-a-kind, of course. It was made using millions of tiny pieces of lucite and the tears from the angels who weep from the heavens at the sight of her beauty.

Below is our beloved Empress entering a shelter to feed the homeless. No, she's at some club, but it's still charity work! Those peons around her should be on the ground, making themselves a human carpet, so that Shauna's exquisite lucite heels don't have to touch the sidewalk. And I'm pretty sure Shauna's toy fucked up his foot from slipping on the elegance dust that constantly trails behind her.

The Victoria's Secret twats have really hard jobs - Egotastic!

Two dick bags share a red carpet - Lainey Gossip

Jakey Poo or Fabio? - Towleroad

Trolls sweat too (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

What happened to Elisha Cuthbert?! - Hollywood Tuna

The new "Watchman" trailer is here - IDLYITW

Just a reminder: Aniston had a nose job - Cityrag

This is what's wrong with America: Miley and her dude's staged candids at Walmart - Just Jared

Russell Brand uses the "I'm gay" trick to pick up chicks - Hollywood Rag

Saint Angelina talking about stuff - Popsugar

It's Friday and I'm feeling nostalgic, so I brought back a feature from the past for today: Guess the Ho? This shit might be easy, I'm not sure. Same rules as always. Guess in the comments below and I'll announce the bitch who got it right first at around 5pm my time (EST).

UPDATE:Congrats to C for being the first bitch to get it right and the first bitch to guess at all. Yeah, it was easy. After the jump is the answer JUMP!!!

When Joseph Fiennes agreed to appear at the GQ Men of the Year Awards in Munich, Germany last night, he probably didn't know that he would be attacked by the glamour goddess from another planet known as Grace Fucking Jones! Coming face to tongue with Grace is probably an out of body experience. Joseph is tinkling in his panties and the little boy voice inside of him is screaming for mommy. Joseph just can't handle all that woman on him. Especially, a woman in a disco nun outfit.

You know, if I was wasted on the good shit and saw Joseph Fiennes from across the room, I'd probably gallop over and get my friends to take these same pictures of me with him. Although, Grace isn't drunk. She's just always batshit crazy.