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Supposedly, Wonky McValtrex's war zone snatch belongs to Benji Madden, because they are all in love or some shit. Well, the other night in Miami, Wonky was back to doing what she does best: being a complete whorebag!

According to Star Magazine, Wonky reunited with Nachos at a party in Miami. Benji was nowhere around. One nosy whore told Star, "Paris and Stavros were all over each other. They were at the same table for about an hour and then they left together. It didn't seem like Benji was on her mind at all!"

Well, well, well, once a cum vac, always a cum vac! I never bought her new cleaned up image. She's a dumb bitch whore through and through. And she's not the good kind of dumb bitch whore either. Don't confuse her with classy skanks like Sienna Miller and Aubrey O'Day (HA!). Wonky is a bottom of the barrel busted bitch! She would probably lick her own butt raisin off a soggy peen. Nasty bitch! And yes, I'll tell you how I really feel.

If Nachos wants to get struck by Wonky's herp lightning again, then that's probably a good thing. It's better that they keep their genital fleas in one circle. I still don't understand why dudes want to do her. Wouldn't a dude rather just stick his dick in a jelly fish. It would be less painful and the wounds would eventually heal.

Below are a few pictures of Wonky and Nachos being gross in Miami. Nachos looks like he just fucking swallowed Wino's goody drawer.

Henry the dog is thinking: "I really shouldn't be seeing this shit." I have to agree with Henry. International supermodel Phoebe Price is the reason why I open up my Safari browser in the morning, but this is too much information. To quote Valerie Cherish, "Note to self: After a long day at work, I don't want to see that!"

My gutter trash mind automatically replaces the long, pink straw with a "you know" and those milkshake drops get replaced with a load of "no comment." I do not like cream with my cutlets! That said, the picture above just became my iPhone wallpaper. Well, I'm a devoted Chickenloonie and I like feeling uncomfortable.

Here's PP doing dark-sided things with a milkshake at Millions of Milkshakes last night.

Yes, the horrific word "uncool" is still haunting my day and night dreams. Although, my mom almost killed the word for me yesterday. I was talking on the phone with her and she said, "Did you hear that Jennifer Aniston said Angelina was unnice?" Ha. WTF is unnice?! I didn't correct her, because I secretly thanked for not saying that word! I already hear it enough in my head.

Anyunnice, here's Angie Jo and Brad Pitt leaving their hotel in London today. They look like a worn out Boris & Natasha in dire need of a Calgon bath.

Ty Ty once again played fairy godawfulmother to Isis King by surprising her with a sex change surgery on her talk show!

Oprah is totally going to show Ty Ty up by making "vajayjays" her favorite thing this year. Everyone gets a vajayjay! Check under your seat!

In an episode airing tomorrow, Ty Ty introduces Isis, who was the first ever tranny contestant on"America's Next Top Model," to Dr. Marci Bowers. Dr. Marci is a top sex change surgeon who has gone through that shit herself. Dr. Marci agreed to do Isis' snip and roll surgery for free.

The surgery costs like $35k or some shit, so Isis has never been able to afford it. She said, "This is not happening! I feel like I'm about to wake up."

Well, Isis, don't get too happy, because Ty Ty is never going to let you forget this. Isis will find this out for herself when she wakes up from surgery feeling so happy that she has a vagina now. Isis is going to glance down at her shiny new labia lips and see the tattooed words: A GIFT FROM TY TY. NEVER FORGET.

VIA UsWeekly

This is apparently Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter in Tim Burton's "Alice in Wonderland."

It's like Tim Burton took Edward Scissorhands, Willy Wonka, Sweeney Todd, Ichabod Crane, threw them all into a Cuisinart, added a sprinkle of Ziggy Stardust, a zest of Helena Bonham Carter and pressed pulse.

Tim Burton must have stock in Johnson & Johnson, because the bitches in his movies are always covered in Baby Powder. I pray that the Crackie of Camden never stumbles onto the London set of this movie, because she will try to cut up and snort everyone!

You know, this is exactly how I expected Johnny as Burton's Mad Hatter to look. I was hoping Tim Burton would do something different and make Johnny do the whole movie completely naked. Well, naked except for a floppy top hat, of course. Now that's what I call art!

And yes, I'd still hit it. If I blink my eyes really fast, Johnny kind of looks like Carrot Top in Geisha make-up and that's always been a fantasy of mine.

VIA Coming Soon

Heidi Klum with a big tranny bow on her back and other fucked up lingerie concoctions from the Victoria's Secret fashion show - Egotastic!

Ryan Phillipe in a douche uniform - Popsugar

Speaking of douches, here's Mario Lopez at the beach - Lainey Gossip

Breaking! Aubrey O'Day goes outside without Ginger - Hollywood Tuna

Paul Rudd gives "SNL" their gayest episode of the season - Towleroad

Miley's pedo-boyfriend is an "option" - Just Jared Jr.

Who in their right (or wrong) mind would take marriage advice from Vadge?! Oh wait. Brit Brit might.... - Hollywood Rag

Ryan Gaycrest doesn't care about dead people (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Jessica Biel is a stripper - IDLYITW

There's a new domino toppling record! - Cityrag

This past weekend, two reality show dick bags found themselves in handcuffs after acting the fool at two different bars. First up we have Ace from "Survivor Gabon."

Ace Gordon was voted off to jail on early Sunday morning for getting into a drunken fight at a bar which ended in him hitting a woman and fighting with the cops. So he's a dick off-screen as well as on!

It all started at a bar in Naples, FL where Ace was thrown out of for being a grouchy drunk and getting violent with a chick. The cops were called to take him off to the slammer. Ace resisted arrest and told them he was "famous." Yeah, because that always works. Ace was released later in the day.

I want to slap myself in the nuts for having a crush on Ace. I know, I know. While everyone was off slobbering over Marcus' floppy peen, I was secretly getting tingly in the private area over Ace and his giant dwarf-looking head. I always get the sexy feeling for the dick bags who can't hold their liquor!

Now on to Mary Delgado! On the sixth season of "The Bachelor," Byron picked Mary and the two went off to live in dysfunctional hell. Mary is sort of known for boozing and brawling. She was already busted a while ago for punching Byron in the face. Well, TMZ says she was back behind bars on Saturday for getting tanked and acting like a bitch at Lorina's Cantina in Del Rio, Texas.

The bar called the police because Mary would not leave. She told them it was her "constitutional right" to be there. I love that shit!!!! That's the fucking best excuse ever. I learn all the good shit from reality stars. The next time a bartender complains that I'm too drunk, I'm going to say, "I've never been drunk in my life. I'm a businesswoman. Furthermore, it is my constitutional right to be there."

You have to fight for your constitutional right to paaaaaaartay!

When the cops arrived, Mary became even more annoying. She was thrown into a cop car, which didn't have a backseat cage, and started kicking at the radio. Maybe she didn't like the song that was playing?

Mary was later bailed out of the clink by her battered boyfriend Byron.

You know, Mary needs to leave Byron and become the next "Bachelorette." This kind of drunk ass behavior needs to be documented on a reality TV show. Shame on Mary for doing this shit without cameras rolling!

I miss the Prince of the past who used to sing about nasty shit and parade his beautiful bare ladyboy ass around the stage like a power bottom at a Palm Springs bath house. Now that Prince is a Jehovah's Witness and has found God, you won't ever see him flexing his nalgas for you while performing some of his dirty songs. And don't even think of ever seeing him do any of that shit at a gay pride parade. Prince does not approve of homoness. God told him so.

When the New Yorker asked the beautiful ladyboy about his thoughts on gay marriage and adoption, Prince "tapped his bible" and said, “God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough.’ ”

Wait! So that person who busted in on me in the garage blowing my neighbor in the 6th grade was God?! I thought it was my mom!

Prince may not agree with gay shit, but he should try explaining that to his ruffed shirt. That ruffled shirt is a butt fucker if I ever saw one. Actually, after he said that shit, his ruffled shirt and all his other extremely gay clothes and shoes quit that bitch to go protest against Prop 8. Prince has an empty closet now.

VIA The Blotter

Obviously Brooke Shields hasn't received her "I'm Sowwy" Vermont Teddy Bear from ABC for canceling her show "Lipstick Jungle," because she still believes they haven't been flushed down the toilet just yet.

At some event in NYC last night, Brooke told UsWeekly, "They thought that because My Own Worst Enemy has been shut down that the same thing had happened to us, and it's not true. They're not breaking down the sets. We’re still working. We still have more to do, so it's erroneously presented that we’ve been canceled, thank God. Our bosses are saying, 'You’re not canceled, don’t worry. We’re just trying to figure out how to make this make sense.'"

Brooke downed a jumbo delusiontini and went on to say, "I mean, we're basically No. 1 if you look at DVR. And you look at all that. So the public is watching it. They just need to figure out how to reconcile advertisers' money because the advertisers don't want you fast forwarding commercials."

Brooke is going to be one of those bitches who despite being unemployed is still going to get up in the morning, shower, dress, go to work and sit in front of her closed down studio all day long. She'll sit there all perky-like, texting her friends with, "I'm sooo busy at work. Miss u!"

And I'm going be one of those crazy bitches who will always believe that "Lipstick Jungle" is canceled. When their 100th episode airs, I'll still be screaming, "That a mirage you're watching! That show got canned years ago!"