Archives

Maybe it's Crackelline?

It was business as usual for our little Crackie of Camden today. On the same day that her beloved Blaaaake traded in prison heroin for rehab heroin, Wino went berserk on the pappies outside her cave for reasons unknown. Actually, there is a reason. She's Wino and she unleashes her fury on anything shiny in front of her. You should see her poor toaster. The thing is beat down thanks to her. Click here to see the video and just remember that if you see Wino on the street, run the other way or take off your jewelry and get ready to rumble.

After Wino handled the paps, she went off to THE CLINIC, where's she been receiving treatment on and off for her zombie condition. Wino apparently didn't see her Blaaaake at all today. Maybe she was wailing for her Blaaaakey and that's why she's got eyeliner jizz all over her face?

Here's some pictures of Wino attacking the paps, falling over in the cab, being grumpy, then being smiley today. The crackhive is still on vacation. I hope it's not permanent. What's Wino without her hive?! That's like The Empress of Lucite with her exquisite lucite heels.

If you're going to Vadge's "Dry & Sour" show in Los Angeles tomorrow night, make sure you bring some kind of video recording device with you. If they're checking for that shit at the door, smuggle it in your asshole. I know you have room.

You see, Ryan Gaycrest called into KIIS-FM and said he has it on good authority that Brit Brit and Justin Timberlake will reunite on stage at Vadge's show Thursday night. It's a piping hot bowl of Cheeto, roid, douche and ego stew!

The three of them are supposed to do some kind of performance. I'm picturing a lot of crotch bumping and chest thumping. It's going to look like two pit bulls stuck together (Vadge & Justin) while a clueless little possum just stands and there shrugs. And please tell me they are going to lip-synch. Those three singing live together will create the biggest ear massacre in history.

It's puppies sleeping! It's puppies yawning! It's puppies sneezing! It's puppies cuddling! It's puppies scratching! It's puppies sleeping some more! Puppies! Puppies! Puppies!

Click here if you can't see the live feed above of adorable puppies sleeping in a box. I've been watching this for at least one hour straight and I've come to the scientific conclusion that puppies sleep a lot.

This is still a million times more entertaining and interesting than an episode of "The Hills."

Thanks to Carolyn

Sometimes late at night, I find myself alone in my room, expressing my inner thoughts to Mah Boo Anderson Cooper. Okay, it's not really Mah Boo. It's just some janky white fox (couldn't find silver) stuffed animal. And by "inner thoughts" I really mean.....forget it. My sister might be reading and she will never stop calling me "stuffed animal fucker." SHIT! She got me!

Anyjustkiddingnoreallyiam, last night on CNN, Mah Booh talked to a fancy hologram of Will.I.Am.

If when I said the word "hologram," you immediately thought of JEM!, then you're gay. And if you didn't know that before, then you know it now.

This hologram thing got me thinking. Instead of talking to some busted up stuffed animal I call "El Coop," do you think the smartie pants person who made that hologram can make me one of Mah Boo? The hologram only needs to be a good listener and say "You're mah boo" on command. And once this smartie pants person makes that happen, can I marry my new Andy hologram? I know I can't marry the real Mah Boo in California, but I'm sure I can get hitched to his hologram.

Marilyn Manson is going to have to find a new young thing to suck the hotness out of, because Star Magazine reports that Evan Rachel Wood has dumped his pasty dumpling ass.

The 21-year-old welfare version of Dita Von Teese started dating Marilyn in December 2006 while his marriage was in the caca house.

So why did this beautiful and totally non-dysfunctional couple call it quits? Evan's brother Ira was living in her guest house and Marilyn pulled a Spencer Pratt and wanted him to beat it. A source said, "Evan owned the house and didn't want her unemployed sibling living on the street. It was the tipping point. Evan was fed up with how controlling and emotionally abusive Marilyn was."

Now Evan can stop trying to be Dita 2.0 in order to make Paul Pfeiffer from the "Wonder Years" happy. Yes, I know he's not Paul Pfeiffer, but I love that rumor and can't let it go.

Knowing Evan, she probably ran right into the leathery arms of Mickey Rourke. She has a thing for scary monsters.

This is what happens when you don't eat for 12 hours straight! It starts to fuck with your eyesight. You know Fishsticks Paltrow thinks she looks all fashion-forward and shit, the same way Posh feels when she wears 2 foot tall chopsticks heels. Sorry, Fishy. You're wearing your private shit on the outside, I can see your panties and your shoes look like leather vulvas.

Besides, this hot bitch did it better:

Here's Fishy being slimy at the premiere of "Two Lovers" in Paris last night.

Look at these two precious lesbians being all smiley and married. Well, Prop 8 has come along and stomped all over their pure happiness. They're just two sad lesbians now and that is a sin! Gayelles should never be sad.

Prop 8, which re-bans gay marriage, will most likely pass. Right now 95% of the votes have been counted. 52% are for and 48% are against. There's still around 4 million absentee ballots that need to be counted, but it's probably not enough to turn things around. The state is no longer marrying the gays as of today. It's looking grim and gross.

A few of the 18,000 couples that were married will file lawsuits. Civil rights groups are also challenging the measure by asking the Supreme Court to strike it down based on the argument that you can't just take shit away from one certain group.

I don't get this shit. I'm a tax-paying dumb bitch like everyone else. I should have the right to fly to California, catch a sugar daddy on his death bed, marry him, wait a couple of months for him to kick it and then collect all his cash. Seriously, that's my lifelong goal and now a bunch of fun killers in California have stopped me from being able to achieve this!

We finally got to hear Kim's gift from god on "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" last night and I hope she got a gift receipt with it, because her voice is whacked. The bitch sounds like a deaf seal who hit her head on a rock before falling into a well where she's squealing in misery. NeNe was definitely right when she said that Kim's wig is on too tight, because the bitch is delusional if she thinks that she really has a beautiful voice.

In addition to learning that Kim has a voice like a bruised mammal in pain, we also learned some other things about her. I put it in a list since everyone loves lists!

Kim Gets Botox - 30-year-old Kim has been getting Botox every 6-months since she was 24, because "white cracks." She needs to get Botox in her vocal chords to shut her ass up so we won't have to hear her sing anymore.

Kim Doesn't Know The ABCs Of Music: After meeting with a vocal coach, Kim is told she doesn't know what she's doing. The vocal coach tells her she's a beautiful house with a crack in the foundation. Kim says she doesn't need to know the ABCs of music because she's a singer. No, you're a dumb fuck, not a singer.

Kim Doesn't Know Her ABCs At All: During lunch with Dallas Austin, Kim tells him about her conversation with the vocal coach. In the conversation, the vocal coach asked Kim what "2+2" is? Kim answered 4. The vocal coach then asked, "How do you spell cat?" Kim answers, "K-A-T." KAT! Sheree was also at the table and gave a look, but didn't say shit. KAT! I can't....

Kim Has Never Had Guacamole Before: Who hasn't had guacamole before?!

Kim Drinks And Drives: In one scene, Kim is playing her god awful song for Sheree in her Porsche with a big, glass of white wine in her hand. What's the number to 9-1-1?!

Kim Has A Lot Of Nerve: Kim and NeNe get into a fight, because NeNe has a sense of humor and Kim doesn't. Basically. Kim sends NeNe a mean text and calls her a "Low Budget Bitch!" Kim needs to look up the phrase "low budget," because staring back at her will be a supersized picture of her WIG!

And Sheree needs to go to the Free Clinic and get hers ears checked, because she actually said Kim has a beautiful voice. NO. You know who has a beautiful voice on that show? NeNe! She's the real music superstar of Atlanta. Above is Kim's whoreiffic warble and below is NeNe's beautiful song about Kim. You be the judge:

Weed was definitely in the air for James Franco last night - Popsugar

Katie Holmes or Angie Harmon? - Egotastic!

Put a picture of Katherine Heigl's fat mouth on a milk carton. It's missing - Lainey Gossip

Avril Lavigne hates rock n' roll - Hollywood Tuna

How does Robert Pattinson keeps his hair looking so magical? - Towleroad

Taylor Swift is a comedienne - Just Jared

Yogurt box cat! - Cityrag

HoHan goes to Panda Express (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Leonardo DiCaprio had girl problems - IDLYITW

Pamela Andrerson loves living in a trailer - Hollywood Rag