Archives

Since Prop 8 passed in California, Melissa Etheridge's marriage to Tammy Lynn Michaels isn't really a marriage anymore in the legal sense. I guess? Right? Well, Melissa will protest the ban on gay marriage by not paying state taxes! Melissa wrote on The Daily Beast about her plan:

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don't mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California. Oh, and I am sure Ellen will be a little excited to keep her bazillion bucks that she pays in taxes too. Wow, come to think of it, there are quite a few of us fortunate gay folks that will be having some extra cash this year. What recession? We're gay! I am sure there will be a little box on the tax forms now single, married, divorced, gay, check here if you are gay, yeah, that's not so bad. Of course all of the waiters and hairdressers and UPS worker

Hmmm....no state taxes in California? CA already has In-N-Out and now the gays don't have to pay taxes! Woo hoo! Grab my dildo collection, pa, I'm going out west!

Think of all the things I can buy with my extra dough from not paying state taxes. I can buy more discontinued Mother's Animal Cookies, I can eat In-N-Out all day, I can even go to Disneyland like once (that shit ain't cheap)! Fuck. All of us can go to T.G.I. Friday's and the Mudslides will be on me! It'll be a 24-hour party!

That's until the IRS comes to kill my fun and take me away in handcuffs. When I start screaming, "Melissa Etheridge told me I didn't have to pay taxes," they'll just nod their heads and shuttle me off to prison. Oh well. At least you can bring me warm Hot Pockets during visiting days. You'll owe me for all those cocktails I bought you! And I'm sure I can be someone's wife in the clink!

Click here to read Melissa's entire entry.

The two of you that still watch "Stylista" know what I'm talking about when I say: WTF is up with Cologne's eyelashes?! I could barely concentrate while watching this shit show last night, because I couldn't stop staring at the chunky spider legs covered in tar that sit on her eyelids. I don't even suffer from arachnophobia and her lashes gave me the chills.

I decided to do a little google detective work to see what I could find about her arthropod-lashes. In an interview with Jolie Nadine, Cologne says her lashes are naturally long, "I get a lot of flack for wearing a lot of mascara, but I just like the 60’s Twiggy look and I was just born with really long thick lashes–I swear I only wear 2 coats."

Well, then you need to use a half coat, because Tammy Faye is giving you the "no she didn't" look from heaven.

Basement Baby's older sister performed at the MTV Europe Music Awards in Liverpool today looking like a rejected extra from "Tron." I'm beginning to think that Sasha Fierce stole Solange's fashion sketchbook from the basement and is using all her ideas! Suddenly Sasha Fierce is trying so hard to be all avante-garde, edgy and coutardy. That was Solange's gimmick! I bet Solange planned to make this dress using old metal garbage cans. She can't anymore, because Sasha stole her designs!

Below is Sasha Fierce's heartwrenching performance of "If I Were A Boy." Sasha is squeezing out the doody bubbles hardcore during this shit.

And here's some pictures of Sasha and Solange on the red carpet. I know Sasha's douche glove helps with making you look like an asshole, but I wonder if it cures carpal tunnel?

Poor Solange....she looks like so average. She should be wearing that garbage can dress! Not Sasha Fierce!

Here's a quick video of President Bush's dog, Barney, chilling out today when some White House reporter gets all in his business! Barney wasn't having it so he snapped at the reporter's annoying ass. Hood rat stuff!

Couldn't that dumb ass reporter see that today is not the day for Barney! He's fucking grouchy because he has to move all his happy little shit out of the White House soon. Barney hates packing.

A little while later, the reporter then shows off the injured finger, which had to be tended to by a doctor. Please. Barney didn't do shit. I know how that dude effed up his finger. Finger bangin' gone wrong!

Thanks LV426

Kendra Wilkinson is engaged! Engaged to a dude with a peen! That was the shocking part for me. I might be alone in this, but I always thought Kendra was the "Peppermint Patty" of the "Girls Next Door." I wonder if Peppermint Patty and Marcie ever moved to Vermont and opened up a general store where they sell Birkenstocks, granola and patchouli oil. That was always my vision.

Anyway, Hef tells UsWeekly that Kendra is promised to be married to Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Hank Baskett, "Kendra Wilkinson has met someone who she would like to spend the rest of her life with. He popped the question last Saturday. I have given her my blessing and will be giving her away at a very special wedding ceremony at the Playboy Mansion this coming June."

Aw. That's sweet. Given away by your former pimp.

Hand Basket (typo and it stays) is a total upgrade for Kendra. The girlfriend of a zombie corpse to the wife of a baseball player! Or is it basketball? Or soccer? Whatever! I know, he plays with balls for a living. That's all that matters.

Hopefully, Kendra will work on controlling her laugh during her wedding. Kendra's cackle hurts my bones. That laugh will kill her wedding.

Forty...I mean...fourTEEN year old Aliana Lohan won't be able to drive legally for another year or so, but she already can't wait to start driving. Don't worry, I'm sure by the time she turns 16, a law will be passed banning all Lohans from getting behind the wheel.

Ali told Life & Style, "I’m so excited. I always ask my mom, ‘Can I drive your car in the parking lot?’ And she’s like, ‘No.’” And what kind of car does she want? “I want a BMW truck!”

I've heard of BMW SUVs before, but I've never heard of something called a BMW "truck." I figured that since Ali's life is filled with luxury, the BMW truck is only something classy people know about. So I decided to google "BMW truck" and this came up:

OH! My uncle used to have one of those! It always sat in his front yard on two bricks. Right next to his custom-made Nissan Sentra convertible!

The 105-year-old virgin fucked her competition in the ass (figuratively speaking) and won October's Hot Slut of the Month! Clara Meadmore received over 50% of the votes and will compete in the most important election of next year.

Thanks to all you whores who voted. Now, it's back to eating my 10 bags of discontinued Circus Animals cookies from Mother's! I just got my order today and I can't wait to pour the cookies on my bed and roll all over them.

The return of ScarJo's magnificent chichi balls - Egotastic!

Ashlee Simpson is still fucking pregnant - Popsugar

Xtina's red breasts match her red lips (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Breaking! Horsey Montag in some non-staged pictures - Hollywood Tuna

Kiss a fellow boxer, lose two points - Towleroad

Taylor Swift got her ass dumped over the phone - Just Jared

Mimi's Hello Camel Toe! - Lainey Gossip

Cameron Diaz needs to go back to kindergarten - Hollywood Rag

Kate Beckinsale talking about sex....again - IDLYITW

Guess the celebrity ass? - Cityrag

Please, close the gate of that crackhead's mouth too....

Blaaaake barely got out of the chokey and he's already posing for pictures and running his crackhole to the press. After he left prison, he told The Sun, "It’s tough inside — bloody horrible, but I’m out and that’s all that matters. It’s brilliant. I’m gonna get myself sorted. I’m gonna get my life back. I’m gonna see my wife and take her knickers down."

He better bring a metal bat, a string of garlic and a Hazmat crew with him when he pulls her panties down. Who knows what's hiding under there.

Blaaaake is currently drying out at a rehab facility in Surrey. He has to complete the program before he's reunited with his wife's crackbush. Hopefully, it swallows him whole when he greets it.