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Maddox's nemesis Jennifer Aniston rubbed an ice cube on her nippies, put on her "I'm not knocked up" tank top and headed to extremely private restaurant known as The Ivy for lunch yesterday. Jenny better have brought a gift to the queen of The Ivy, international supermodel Phoebe Price, because that's her kingdom.

Surprisingly, the pappies went crazy over Jen and her "look at me nippies," as soon as she got out of the car. A few minutes later, Jen went out the back door because she couldn't take all the attention. Translation: her work there was done.

Jenny, next time just do the moonwalk down Robertson Blvd. naked, with your nipples on fire, a tranny poodle on your head, while screaming, "Míreme!" It'll be less obvious and much more entertaining!

Kanye West was hanging out in his dressing room at the MTV Europe Awards, probably violently blogging on his MacBook air, when he felt the urge to purge through his pee hole. Since he's Kanye, he couldn't be bothered with walking 20 or 30 steps to the nearest toilet. So he got up and pissed all over the carpet. In Kanye's beautiful mind, I'm sure he figured he was cleansing the carpet with his greatness. At least he didn't have to go caca.

Kanye was sharing a dressing room with the Ting Tings and they were a little surprised to have his piss all over the floor. Their drummer told The Sun, “We ask for a lot of unusual things on our backstage rider but that ain’t one of them!”

Even in a drunken state, I don't think I've ever pissed on the carpet before. Let's see, I've pee peed in a water bottle, an alley way, a few plastic cups, various bushes, planters, a garbage chute, a trash can, countless sinks, in my pants and the bed. It's natural! And I haven't pissed in the bed for at least 20 years. Okay, I really mean 20 days, but those damn "happily peeing in a pristine toilet" dreams trick me every time!

Papa Joe on his knocked up daughter:

"The day she found out she was pregnant, she became a woman." He also said that he wants his grandchild to call him "Papa Joe."

Why did I picture him drooling from his (blank) while saying this? Now I need a Wet-Nap bath.

Source VIA Jezebel

Forgive me chickens, for I have sinned. It's been almost two weeks since my last post about international supermodel Phoebe Price. So which skin doctor's office has she been hiding in? I KID! Chicken Cutlets is a natural beauty and those who say otherwise are JELIS H8RS!!1!!!

The very international PP has been busy...well...being international! Chicken Cutlets was gracing her poultry glamour on the lovely country of Sweden where she was personally invited by the royal family to attend the "Quantum of Solace" premiere. Okay, I made up that "royal family" part, but it's probably true. They probably realized that Sweden needs to learn the art of posing with inanimate objects and they need the greatest to teach them this! How do you say "chicken cutlets" in Swedish anyway? According to google translator (which is shit, I'm sure), it's "kyckling cutlets." Viva Kyckling Cutlets!

Now that PP's mission in Sweden is complete, she's back in America doing what she does best: posing anywhere and everywhere! Here's some pictures of Chicken Cutlets exposing Henry's kibbles and bits while being stunningly supermodel-y on the streets of Los Angeles!

This is what happens when the bitches around you constantly tell you that you are god's gift and it's your doody duty to constantly fill the world with your greatness. Beyonce wants to play Wonder Woman and has even met with the people at DC Comics and Warner Bros. to make her dreams and our nightmares come true.

Instead of just quietly trying to get the role, Beyonce went off and spoke to the L.A. Times about it, "I want to do a superhero movie and what would be better than Wonder Woman? It would be great. And it would be a very bold choice. A black Wonder Woman would be a powerful thing. It's time for that, right?"

She went on to say that after displaying her raw emotion in dramatic roles like Etta James, Deena Jones and Foxy Cleopatra (HA!), she's ready to have a little fun.

"After doing these roles that were so emotional I was thinking to myself, 'OK, I need to be a superhero. Although, when you think about the psychology of the heroes in the films these days, they are still a lot of work, of course, and emotional. But there's also an action element that I would enjoy. I would definitely have to keep it right for that costume. The way that Lynda Carter wore it, she was sooo fine. She was amazing. I saw her costume at the Met. Her waist was unbelievable. It was pretty crazy, actually, her proportions. But I love Wonder Woman and it'd be a dream come true to be that character. It sure would be handy to have that lasso. To make everybody tell the truth? I need that. It would come in very handy."

Oh, Beyonce. You don't need that lasso to get me to truth-tell: YOU HAVE THE ACTING SKILLS OF A DRIED-UP CHUNKY PIECE OF SIDEWALK VOMIT. Sorry for the caps. The Kanye in me came out.

Besides, isn't Beyonce busy playing Sasha Fart? Wait. Sasha Fierce ruin WW. And then when she's done fucking that up, she can play Scarlett O'Hara and then Cleopatra and then Juliet. Fuck, just let Sasha Fierce play every single female role in cinema. Remake all the classics with Sasha as the leading lady. Then modern cinema can crash and take Sasha/Beyonce with it. And then we can all move on!

You know Basement Baby is secretly cackling with her mouse friends over this shit. Keep quiet, Solange. If they hear your laughter, another one of your mouse friends gets it!

Stu Rasmussen - America's first ever tranny mayor! Stu served two years as mayor of Silverton, Oregon in the 90s as a dude, but this time around he's decided to quit hiding who he is and run for office proudly showing off his titty implants. Stu said he was afraid when running for mayor the second time, because he thought people wouldn't be able to look past the fact that he's a man dressing as a woman. But when he started to talk about the real issues, they listened and it didn't matter anymore that he was wearing make-up or a dress. Stu beat his opponnent by a landslide.

Stu considers himself a straight man who has breasts and likes to dress in women's clothes. He has a girlfriend. Stu has always considered himself transgendered but only came out a couple of years ago.

Below is a video of Stu looking hot in his little town and talking about his victory. It was hard for me to focus on his words, because I couldn't stop staring at the movie theater in the back. Sunday matinee for $3.50?!!!!!!!! We don't get that shit here! I still have to pay $11-$12! I'm going to Silverton where they embrace the trannies and Sunday matinees are less than $5!

Stu for President in 2016!

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