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There's been a few internet whispers (and shouts) that Fishsticks Paltrow's marriage to that cunt who sings in Coldplay is crumbling into the toilet. Fishy has shrugged it off, calling it all lies, lies, lies. Lies filled with lots of preservatives!

Well, some friend (yeah, some friend!) is telling Gatecrasher that Fishy's marriage is nowhere near perfect, but she's trying hard to keep it together. Wasn't this a blind item....?

The friend says that Fishy is staying in London with her husband until the holidays are over. They are "holed up" in their home to try and work things out.

How is being holed up with Fishy a good thing for their marriage? No junk TV. No junk food. No junk words. No junk porn. No junk nothing. Just organic everything. I'm shocked Cunt Martin hasn't drowned in the GOOP constantly pouring out of Fishy's mouth hole.

The friend went on to blab that Vadge is one of the major problems in their marriage. Apparently, Fishy is all up on Vadge and wants to crawl inside her roided-up pussay so that she can be close to her forever and ever. Basically. The friend said, "Gwyneth has the Madonna bug... bad. It's eerie. Gwyneth acts normally until Madonna comes around, and then Gwyn is all about Madonna, all the time. Madge has even introduced Gwyneth to all her friends. Now instead of going to see Chris perform, she'd rather hang out with people like Alex Rodriguez and Ingrid Casares."

Fishy and Vadge's spokeswhores have both denied this shit.

Methinks the "Madonna bug" is what Guy Ritchie suffered from. The proper medical term is Nonutsitis. A-Rod also has it. It's when you go out of your way to make Vadge happy. Fishy just needs to get herself a pair of Neuticles and she'll be free of that bug!

Seriously, Vadge isn't the problem. The problem is that the marriage between a big sloppy cunt and a soggy old stick of fish can't work! It sounded good on paper, but in real life, it was doomed from the beginning.

Our Lady of Cheetos and her lil' Cheetolets posted a Christmas greeting on her website to all her fans complete with a holiday burp from JJ. Too many Frapps. While doing the Adderall sway, Brit Brit says "Thank you...as my son burps" and then she kisses him on the forehead. There was a totally a mattress below JJ just in case....

And I've got a double feature for you! That's if your head didn't explode from all the excitement Brit Brit's Cheetomas greeting brought you. Since this post is about our favorite lil' hillbilly possum, here's a chunky hedgehog floating in a tub. Hedgehogs are sort of like possums. Okay, not really, but I needed a reason to post this! You may want to hit "mute," because the voices will echo in your head for hours after. Although, put the sound back on at the 4:00 mark, because the lady sounds like NELL! Teeeeeeeaaaha-in----da--wiiiiiiind.

(Thanks Susannah)

For those of you who watch Grey's Anatomy or that Private Practice shit, Kate Walsh's husband has pink-slipped her ass and filed for divorce after a little over a year of marriage (they were married in September 2007). Entertainment Tonight says the divorce papers list November 22, 2008 as the day the love officially died and they separated. Yes, right before Thanksgiving. They didn't even get to cut the turkey together! A whole lot of sad.

In the part of the court documents that asks why the marriage tanked, Mr. Kate Walsh (real name: Alex Young) wrote: KATHERINE FUCKING HEIGL. No, he blamed "irreconcilable differences" of course.

The courts need to ban the use of irreconcilable differences as a reason for divorce. Us nosy whores want to know the details as to why their marriage sucked so hard. I'm guessing Mr. Kate Walsh found his wife sharing a cigarette with Heigl. Or maybe laughing at one of Heigl's dumb jokes. Or possibly just saying "hi" to Heigl in passing. All grounds for divorce!

P.S. - That champagne looks really cheap. It probably smelled like asparagus piss.

WHICH handsome TV host is thought by patrons of at least one gay bar to be in the closet? As the stud discusses dating women, they hoot and holler, and hurl insults at the screen. (Page Six)

It's obviously Reeg! For real, though. I'll guess Gaycrest Out or Mario Lopez?!

WHICH actress who plays a teen on a hit TV show incorrectly insists she's a size zero? Employees at a clothing line have to remove all the bigger-size labels from garments they send her to her to keep her happily deluded. (Page Six)

Blake Lively from Gossip Girl? She's the star of all these blind items!

Which A-list movie star and his Emmy-winning pal did a "'Scarface'-style mound of cocaine" before enjoying bedroom antics with two college girls? The big-screen actor managed to convince his bombshell that protection wasn't necessary, while the TV star tied up his lass with a bathrobe, before realizing that the blow had caused serious "equipment failure." (Gatecrasher)

Marley from Marley & Me and Spaghetti Cat. Or Jeremy Piven and Gerard Butler?

Which celebrity’s love life is taking a very surprising twist? This famous actor dated at least one other celebrity before settling down with his beautiful wife. He comes across as a nice family guy, but the truth is that he is deeply unhappy about being tied down, and has indulged in various forms of negative behavior over the years, including multiple affairs. If he does divorce, he will gain his freedom, but his wife will certainly walk with the kids and a huge chunk of his money. The real shocker here is that an actress with whom our actor had an affair may not be the only one in the picture. The wife recently discovered that her husband has also been trading racy text messages with another celebrity. A very closeted male celebrity. (Blind Gossip)

Tommy & Will Smith?! That's my one and only guess.

This summer, some dick bag was fired from Burger King after he took a bubble bath in one of the kitchen sinks and videotaped it for the world to see his idiotic fuckery. Well, I'm surprised it took this long for a few of his copycatters to get caught.

A trio of dumb chickenheads did the exact same thing at a KFC in Anderson, CA. After the joint had closed for the night, they all stripped down to their chonies and took pictures of each other's nastiness bathing in a sink used to wash dishes. Yeah, if you've dined at the Anderson KFC and thought the gravy tasted a little strange, it's because there was probably a small bit of panty pudding in there.

Instead of keeping the grossness to themselves, these geniuses posted this shit on MySpace in a gallery called "KFC Moments." It didn't take long for the media to get a hold of it and eventually the manager at KFC found out. The manager said one of the dumb dumbs had already quit. The other two greasy chicken thighs were fired.

You know, Colonel Sanders might have approved of this. He looks like he had a bad case of the hornies.

And KFC usually stands for Kentucky Fried Chicken, but in Anderson, CA, it now stands for Krusty Fat Coochie.

Click here to see the rest of the pics.

VIA NBCLA

(Thanks Adam & Adrianne)

Aubrey O'Day in a bunch of pictures that look like stills straight from CumFiesta.com - Egotastic!

More pics of Jennifer Aniston baring her bits in GQ - Hollywood Tuna

Robert Pattinson was too much of a man to be a successful model - Towleroad

Two deranged chipmunks on the rampage in L.A. (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Helen Mirren is still hot. No matter what. - IDLYITW

Nicole Kidman's botoxed cheeks (not those ones) - Cityrag

The Gossip Girl spin-off sounds like pure suckery - Just Jared

Where's a rabid bear with a thirst for douchebags when you need one? - Popsugar

Rachel McAdams with old timey hair on the set of Sherlock Holmes - Lainey Gossip

It's Stacey Dash! - Hollywood Rag

Andy Cooper was on Regis & Kelly this morning to talk about his special on CNN tonight on the Earth's growing population. I wonder if he interviews the Duggars? Anyway, while giggling with Regis & Kelly, Mah Boo showed a clip (above) of him getting into some sexy slinky outfit and swimming with sharks for the special.

Mah Boo also told the NYDN that by swimming with sharks he conquered one of his childhood fears. He puckered up his sexy lips and said, "Sharks have always scared me, ever since seeing 'Jaws' as a little kid, so to actually go and see them up close and look into their eyes - it was a remarkable thing to see them in their natural habitat."

Hmmm....Mah Boo thinks sharks are remarkable, does he? This gives me an idea. Quick! Rent me a shark costume and get Mah Boo back to South Africa for a follow-up visit with his new friends.

Now, I can't use an oxygen tank while pretending to be a shark, because he might get suspicious. So I'll have to hold my breath underwater. I will probably pass out, but then Mah Boo will see that I'm in danger and swim over to help a "shark friend in need." He will then give the "shark friend in need" mouth-to-mouth!!!!! This is the greatest idea ever! Yes, a real shark might smell my human blood and bite at me, but that's a chance I'm willing to take!

(Thanks Susie)

Another story about BABIES!!! This is the third one of the day. The D in Dlisted obviously stands for diapers. Makes sense.

So....Harvey, Junior and Princess Tiamammamiawhatever might be getting yet another sibling. The Daily Star claims that Katie Price has a human growing inside of her. If this shit is true, it would be her fourth child and her big gay husband's third. Some ho said that while on vacation in the Maldives, Katie felt vommy and wouldn't drink any cocktails. The ho said, "Kate was complaining about feeling really poorly and queasy and kept stroking her tummy.”

It was probably just the mountains of hot bullshit inside of her busting to spew out.

The ho went on to say that Katie and Peter's marriage troubles are over and now they can't wait to move to the US (save us!!!) to start filming their new reality show for three months. And wouldn't you know? A new baby would make a great plot for their reality show!

I really won't believe this until I see Katie Price on the cover of OK! with her big gay husband holding her belly with the tagline: "Just Buy This Magazine and Ask Questions Later."

Katie's never going to pop out a person as perfect as Harvey, so she needs to quit trying.

P.S. - Katie's t-shirt must be a tribute to this hot slut.

Thank you to People for reminding me that the original pregnant dude, Tameka Foster, was knocked up. I completely forgot. And also thanks for letting everyone know she popped the kid out of her peen hole yesterday.

Usher's second son and Tameka's fifth was born yesterday. Unfortunately, we don't know the baby's name or any other details. Usher's first son is named Usher Raymond V, so I'm assuming they'll name their second son Usher Raymond VI. Naturally.

Congrats to Tameka! Those future child support checks aren't going to grow zeros by themselves, so keep popping those babies out! Make your fellow gold diggers proud!

UPDATE: The baby's name IS Naviyd Ely Raymond. I'm assuming you pronounce it Naveed? Anyway, Bronx Mowgli is still on top when it comes to fugly baby names. Usher and Tameka should have used her last name as well. Then he could be Naviyd Ely Raymond Foster: NERF!

Image: Splash

86-year-old (300 in Hollywood years) living legend Bea Arthur was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame last night in Beverly Hills. There's a major mistake in that last sentence that I didn't do on purpose, but I'm going to keep it, because it sounds so much hotter and more appropriate than the Academy Of Television Arts And Sciences' Hall Of Fame.

Bea was finally honored for being one of the hottest bitches in the TV game. I'm still waiting for her to be inducted into the Greatest People on Earth Hall of Fame. This was a long time coming for Bea. It should have happened hundreds of years ago, because who doesn't have room in their heart area for Bea Arthur?

Betty White and Rue McClanahan couldn't make it, because Wednesday is their "Hunt for Peen" night and they can't miss that. I'm sure Estelle Getty was raising her glass of Metamucil to Bea from heaven.

Even though her fellow Golden Girls weren't there, plenty of others came out to celebrate with Bea including Angela Lansbury, Florence Henderson, Sherwood Schwartz and Doris Roberts.

Doesn't this post of oldies make you feel as young as a fetus?