On her show today, Ellen Degeneres aired a little segment she did with Brit Brit Spears of them going caroling around some neighborhood in Los Angeles. Okay, if Brit Brit showed up to my front door, I would run to my kitchen, hide my bag of Cheetos and then run to my bathroom and hide all my meds. Did you know that some bathrooms have lock boxes built into the medicine cabinet now? That is a genius idea, because so many dumb bitches will take your good meds without even feeling guilty. That's why you gotta hide that shit in your crotch area or something when people come over, because they will search high and low for a little Vicodin or Valium. Trust me. I'm one of them.
Anyway, Brit and Ellen visited one house in the clip above and I think that's Bit Bit (skip to the 4:00 mark)! Bit Bit was Brit's dog when she was still bouncing on KFed's jerky stick. That dog seriously looks suspiciously like Bit Bit. It was also giving shade to Brit. And Maybe Bit Bit gave Brit the "Bitch, You Know That I Know" look. If the pooch is Bit Bit, he's looking a little on the voluptuous side, but it's nice to see that he has a bird friend now. He's used to dealing with bird brains. I mean, he used to chill with Brit.
And how is Brit Brit opening her mouth without a track to lip-synch to? She's not even using auto-tune. It's a Christmas miracle! A Christmas miracle that has probably killed a few dozen angels thanks to her natural voice.
Somewhere in the world, Ty Ty Banks is banging her eleventyhead against the wall (I pity the neighbors) for not coming up with this idea first for herself! Although, she did have a photo shoot like this on ANTM. Watch her take credit for this shit on her talk show. Watch.
Here's RuPaul as both Michelle and Barack Obama. If I didn't already send out my Spaghetti Cat Christmas cards, this would be my holiday card.
RuPaul as the Obamas is part of a holiday promotion for his new drag queen reality show on Logo premiering in February.
Kellie Pickler's bare ass face is begging for a gorgeous chola makeover! Kellie reminds me of this white girl in junior high school who hung out with all my cholita friends. Her name was Rebecca, but she made everyone call her ass Ricca (pronounced Ree-ca). She was stunning. She had the Sharpie eyebrows, black lip liner, slick backed hair, oversized Dickies, wife beater, the whole thing... Ricca even painted a tear under her eye to look extra hardcore.
She showed us a scar and said she got it from a knife fight. Ha. We later found out it was just an appendix scar. Dumb bitch! Anyway, Kellie reminds me of her ass. Without make-up, Kellie has major period face, but with just a few Sharpie lines over her eyes and lips, she can be a gorgeous chola beauty!
Below is a preliminary sketch of the chola beauty Kellie can become. Don't be jealous of these Photoshop skills. She's already a million times more glamorous!
Here's Kellie leaving for Iraq from DC today. Kellie probably had a really deep conversation with Obama. Nobody tell her that the Obama she bonded with is made out of cardboard.
When I first saw thumbnails of these pictures, I thought it was Christina Hendricks from Mad Men. Then I made them bigger and realized how horribly, horribly wrong I was. After I finish this post, I will go get my eyeballs rotated or something, because I don't how I could make that mistake.
Anyway, Tater Head was at some D&G event last night and from far away she looks....well... um... looks.... like this! Not bad. This is probably the best I've seen her look in a while. That's until we get close and see the titty tape, the douchey tattoo only worth of Brody Jenner and the crackie nails. Fix yourself, Tater Head!
Tater also needs to give her boohoo boobies a little pick-me-up, because they look oh-so-sad.
Sorry if that headline made your lunch creep up into your throat. Thankfully, I don't get visuals, because I can't picture these two vaginas doing anything past tickling or light petting. I still have no idea how they actually had a baby together. Pete's lil' soldier (that's what they call it) probably accidentally slipped in Asshole's hooha (again, that's what they call it) while they were involved in an intense tickling game.
Pete Wentz wants us to believe that they actually fuck each other. On Howard Stern's radio show this morning, Pete said that Asshole Simpson lets him stick it in her no-no every now and again. Please. That bitch is no Anal Ashlee. Pete's the one who gets it in his assmouth. He probably uses Ashlee's old nose to do it with.
Pete also said that their sex life is so amazing, "If we had been on this show last year, we'd probably be doing it in the green room right now." They don't do it anymore, because of Bronx Mowgli, but they do "other fun stuff." The "other fun stuff" is probably playing Barbies and making cakes with their Easy Bake Oven. They might even play Operation together, but even that's a little too much anatomy for them.
Pete said Ashlee gives the most amazing lap dances and loves to wear thongs for him. He said it took a while to convince her to bump snatches with him, but once they did, it was amazing. "It was at the Soho Grand Hotel [in New York City], and I'm looking in the mirrors, [thinking], 'Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!'"
Pete's been watching soft-core movies on Cinemax late at night again, right? That's where he came up with all this crap to tell Howard.
And you know Papa Joe's genitals exploded while he listened to this interview. Check your roof. Papa Joe's blown off peen might be laying up there.
(Thanks Da Explora)
SkyMall is my favorite catalog ever and here's the best/worst shit from it - Urlesque
Heidi Klum is blinding me in GQ Italy - Egotastic!
Shirtless Sherlock - Lainey Gossip
Paul Rudd's newest man-on-man tongue session - Towleroad
Jack & Rose together again! If only Gloria Stuart was there - Popsugar
Mandy Moore wants your soul - IDLYITW
Topanga has a big rack! - Hollywood Tuna
David Archuleta should only be singing about breast milk and diaper rash - Just Jared
Some of the best animal videos of 2008 - Cityrag
Hopefully, Nicola Mclean is asking for a paper bag for Christmas to go over her fug mug - Hollywood Rag
Micky Rourke attacks Kelly Lynch and she didn't turn to stone (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Todd Homme, one of the three finalists on Lifetime's reality show Blush: The Search For the Next Great Makeup Artist, was found dead in his NYC apartment on Saturday at the young age of 23. Todd's mother told TVGuide that he went to sleep during the afternoon and never woke up. His boyfriend found him.
Todd's mother also said that the medical examiner is currently investigating the cause of death. Todd didn't have any health issues and there were no drugs, pills or alcohol in his system. They think there might have been problems with his heart.
She said, "It's devastating to us. We're in shock right now. He was born a month and a half early, walked at ten months and never sat down. He was always helping people and everyone calls him a guardian angel and he just loved everybody."
I just caught up on all the episodes of Blush after a ton of you recommended I watch it for Maxi's craziness. I was looking forward to the finale tonight, but damn. This is tragic, weird and surprising.
Rest in peace, Todd Homme...
Now I finally know what to get all my vegetarian friends for Christmas this year: Burger King's new cologne FLAME! This shit is a limited-edition men's cologne spray that apparently smells like Whoppers. Man Meat would've been a better name.
BK describes Flame as “the scent of seduction with a hint of flame-broiled meat.” I bet that's exactly the same words Johnny Travolta uses to describe the scent of Tommy Girl's hungry hole. And I guess if you want extra cheese with your flame-broiled meat, you'll have to find that yourself.
Flame sells for $4 a bottle at Ricky's in NYC or on FireMeetsDesire.com.
Wear this fuckery with caution, because it might put you harm's way. Just one spritz and both Brit Brit and Aretha Franklin will chase you down.
What moron is actually paying JLo to act in a movie?! Who would do that shit during these economic times? Casting JLo in anything is a sure fie way to earn you a place at the back of the bread line. Even worse, they cast her in a comedy! The bitch has the sense of humor of a slug. I mean, Monster-In-Law? Enough said.
JLo will star in Plan B as some annoying bitch (I'm assuming) who turns to artificial insemenation to have a baby. The same day she meets her prince charming, she also finds out she's knocked up. Basically, it sounds kind of like the Clay Gayken story with less glitter. I wish it was the Clay Gayken story with JLo as Gayken. Now that I would pay to see.
CBS Films, the braindead foolios producing this crap fiesta, is looking for a director and shooting is set to begin next spring. That means it should open in a Wal-Mart discount bin near you by this time next year!