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File this under: I better get a bigger TV. HBO loves big dick and has picked up the dark comedy called Hung starring Thomas Jane and my favorite bitch from Happiness, Jane Adams. The show is about a dude with a mega dong. Basically, it sounds like what my dreams look like every night.

The show's creators, who also did The Riches, say it's not just about gargantuan peen. They said it's about a struggling Michigan high-school basketball coach who figures out a way to make the most out of his epic peenzilla. They went on to say, "It has its sexual moments, but the show is very much about what's happening in the country, how people are trying to survive using what God had given them."

BLAH...BLAH...BLAH....just show me the damn wang! I'm hard up. And I don't want a plastic stunt peen either. They better find the real shit. In the song Nasty Girl, Vanity says she needs 7 inches or more, but we're going to need something bigger for this shit. I'm talking about 10 inches or more. Dick that will make your no-no shake and scream for mercy at first sight. Dick that will make your jaw automatically lock and refuse to open. Dick that will hurt somebody!

Source

Basement Baby's sister has a movie coming out next year called Obsessed which is like Fatal Attraction on a budget. Most of you might give this mess two minutes of your time if you happen to catch it while channel surfing, but this is the kind of crap I pay to see. With shit shows like this, the theater is usually empty so I can lounge about and laugh in peace! But I also love cheap thrillers featuring crazy bitches, strip shows in cars, Ali Larter, bad wigs, betrayal and revenge. This has it all!

Beyonce probably won't show us crazy, but she'll definitely show us shit acting.

This is 23-year-old Christina Raines, the new fiancee of Drew Peterson. Most of you bitches know, but Drew is the 54-year-old piece of trash with a head like a walrus' ass who is a suspect in his fourth wife's disappearance and whose third wife suspiciously died in a bath tub.

This is what I don't understand. Why would Christina put her gorgeous chola eyebrows in any kind of danger? She obviously loves them like a Hostess fruit pie. It's obvious that she spends hours in front of her magnifying mirror with tweezers, an eyeliner pencil and a lighter. I know I talk about how cholas love their Sharpies, but classy ones, like the kinds I hung around, melted the tip of an eyeliner pencil with a lighter and used that to apply their gorgeous eyebrows. That shit is an art! Cholitas put razors in their hair just in case someone tried to fuck with their amazing eyebrow work!

Not only does Christina have magnificent brows, but she also is a waitress at T.G.I. Fridays! She must get a discount on Mudslides or some shit, right? Why would you want to fuck with your discount? I'm being serious.

Hopefully, the power from her beautiful eyebrows eventually wakes her the fuck up.

Source

(Thanks Jennifer)

It might have been a while since Brit Brit has done this whole dating thing and Daddy Spears probably doesn't know the rules, so I think we all need to take them into the back to teach them the rules. Everyone, except for Brit and Daddy Spears obviously, know that the #1 rule of dating is: don't eff with Wonky McValtrex's infected victims! They should teach this in schools. It's that important!

That is why Brit Brit has no business bumping anything with Benji Madden. According to InTouch (via PopCrunch), Daddy Spears made a list of all possible dudes his daughter should date. The list included Benji, Chace Crawford, Jesse Metcalfe and Michael Phelps. Daddy sure can pick 'em. A used twatty rag, a power bottom, a drunktard with boobies and the son of Neptune whose mommy would chop his dolphin peen off if he tried to knock it with Brit.

The source said that Brit's manager, Larry Rudolph, made some calls and Benji seemed the most interested. After a few dates with Benji, Brit Brit likes him. The source said, “They’ve been on a few dates. They met once at The Peninsula Hotel in Beverly Hills for dinner in a hotel suite. She appears to like Benji a lot, and he seems to really like her.”

Larry plans to use the new barfmance to promote Brit's album and tour.

If this fuckery is true then Daddy Spears needs to pay a visit to Brit's old stopping grounds: the loony bin! I knew there was something off about that man when I watched him make cheese grits using Velveeta instead of Cheetos.

I don't like the looks of this picture. They both have their eyes partly closed in a sexual way, Johnny Travolta is slightly puckering his lips and JRM's hands aren't where we can see them. Johnny is definitely jizzing in his big girl panties. That bloody shit on JRM isn't ketchup bukkake, it's the real thing. When Johnny flashed his lil' L. Ron Hubbard, JRM probably passed out on the floor and suffered a major concussion.

If you're looking at these pictures of Johnny and feeling tingly in the crotch (you know who you are), then please do your genitals a favor and get some much needed help. Your genitals deserve better than this.

Here's more of Johnny looking like a cross between Yogi Bear and Mr. Magoo while filming some crap movie with JRM in Paris.

What Academy Award winning actress/supporting actress recently cut open her husband's face when she threw her statue at him? It's a shocker. (CDAN)

Please let it be Fishsticks! PLEASE! I'll also guess Helen Mirren only because the hot bitch looks like she can throw.

Which actor should modify his behavior before his actress wife kicks him to the curb? The couple were dining out at a trendy restaurant when the wife noticed that he was blatantly checking out every attractive woman who walked by. She warned him once to stop. When he did it again, she stood up, swore at him loud enough for several tables to hear, threw her napkin at him, and then stormed out of the restaurant. Given his history, it’s a little hard to blame her for being sensitive. (Blind Gossip)

I would hardly call JLo an "actress," so I'll guess Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman, obviously. Or maybe David Duchovny and Tea Leoni? Or Sean Penny and Robin Wright?

Which has-been TV star can’t keep it in his pants? He has two-timed a gaggle of girlfriends and fiancées, and despite his recent nuptials, we hear he’s still making booty calls to exes. (Gatecrasher)

Stumped! Charlie Sheen isn't a complete has-been. Unless, Denise Richards wrote this blind item.....

Jenny McCarthy looks like a pepaw doing a really low budget Marilyn Monroe impersonation - IDLYITW

Sean William Scott in a jockstrap - Towleroad

Amber alert! ScarJo's boobies are missing - Hollywood Tuna

What the hell kind of GD shirt is Brad Pitt wearing? - Popsugar

Carmen Electra looks hot....with Photoshop and the right lighting (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

A rehab reunion at Bardot - Lainey Gossip

Sluterella - Hollywood Rag

Denis Leary reviews Denis Leary - Popoholic

I like the drunk Ryan Phillipe better - Celebslam

This is what Jude Law should do - Just Jared

Santa sluts - Cityrag

And a reindeer slut too! - Egotastic!

The next time you decide to smell yo man's dick, because you think he's fucking around on you, come prepared with a helmet on your head and a taser gun in your hand. Smelling yo man's dick could be dangerous.

A chick in Port St. Lucie, FL suspected her husband of getting it on with another lady, so naturally, she asked to smell his dick area for strange pussy juice odors. The 37-year-old woman followed her husband to the bathroom and told him to whip his dick out "so that she can smell it."

Her 25-year-old husband was not amused, because when she went down to get a whiff, he punched her in the mouth and kicked at her body. After the bastard beat at her, he left the house. Police are currently searching his ass.

Um. I haven't personally smelled this asshole's dick, but I can guarantee you that he's cheating on her! If you ask to smell dick and he fists you in the mouth, he's guilty and no further tests are required.

And if the police really want to find this dumb bitch, they should just send out a few trained sniffer dogs to search for dried up snatch jelly and crusty jizz.

P.S. - If you want a less dangerous way of finding out if your man is effing up on you, just smell his dirty panties when he's in the shower. If they smell like DIAL (the trusted soap of most mistresses) or random genital juices, then you know the truth!

Source: TCPalm

(Thanks Melissa)

It's Stepford Katie's 30th birthday today. Happy Birthday, Katie! You don't look a day over haggard! Katie celebrated this morning with her hourly weepy shuffle to her SUV in NYC. Tommy Girl said that he has a few special things planned for Katie's barfday. If I was Katie, the only "special thing" I'd want Tommy to do on my barfday is to jump off the fucking planet without a jet pack or whatever else thetans use to travel through the universe.

Suri Cruise was also spotted this morning wearing her favorite "take me away from Tommy Girl" ruby slippers. And where can I get one of those hot personal carriers like Suri has? I'm allergic to sidewalks like Suri is, so he would come in handy.

That chick with the yellow boots in some of the thumbnails below is so bright. Methinks Katie had to dim her monitor eyes just to get to her car without being blinded.

Cisco Adler was arrested in Fargo, North Dakota early this morning after he beat down a bar employee after fighting with some other dude. Heck yah! You betcha! Getting arrested in Fargo must be awesome for the accents alone. I wish I had a Fargo accent.

InForum says that following his performance at The Hub, Cisco got into a fight with a dude and while he was being kicked out of the club by security, he punched one of the employees in the nose.

Before the police showed up and arrested him, the employee who got punched out performed a citizen's arrest on Cisco. CITIZEN'S ARREST! I love a good citizen's arrest. That shit is the best. Although, I would be afraid to get on Cisco's bad side, because he can slap the skin off your face with his saggy nuts. Shit he could double bitch slap you with those things.

Cisco was taken down to the county jail and booked for simple assault. He was released a little while later on $500 bail.

And if you've never seen Cisco's slinky dink nuts, (NSFW) click here and feast your eyes. He could fuck you from the back and tea bag your face at the same time!

(Thanks Jeannie)