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Where has Dennis Quaid been hiding this BBD (big beautiful dog)?! I need a dog friend just like this. I would have a six-pack from laughing so hard, because he would always be sticking out at his tongue at me. That looks silly! Actually, he's probably just sticking out his tongue to catch any random food particles that could be floating in the air. Good thinking.

When Mimi La Rue waddled off to heaven, it left a hole in my heart for fat pugs and now it's been filled by Dennis Quaid's big blob of adorableness.

Dennis is treating him like the king he is by not letting his paws touch the ground. He's too good for walking. Besides, if he tried to walk, I think his legs would break. Or the floor would break. Either or.

Here's Dennis and my new favorite celebrity dog at LAX today. He's holding him like a baby! And I am not right for posting the third thumbnail and Dennis' dog friend knows it.

Josh Duhamel and Fuggie Fug will become man and methface on January 10th in Los Angeles so says People. The two became promised to each other last year. Apparently, the guest list will include Kate Hudson, Nicole Kidman and fellow piss-lovers R. Kelly and Kim KardASSIAN. I lied about those last two, but Fuggie should invite them, because pee pee admirers should stick together.

Maybe Depends can make a special one-of-a-kid lacy blue diaper for Fuggie on her special day? Instead of throwing rice, the guests will throw Detrol LA pills. Josh should agree to stay with Fuggie through pissness and health and for richer or pee-er. And at the end of the ceremony, the preacher will say "you may now change the bride's diaper." I can go and on. Fuggie's pissy pussy never gets old!

Billie Jean is not my lover, she's just a crazy bitch! Remember this insane ho? She was arrested for trespassing on Jacko's property a little while ago. and claimed she was his wife. Well, Billie Jean Jackson is still riding high on the cuckoo train and she's filed a lawsuit against Jacko claiming she's Blanket's real mom. In court documents that could have been written by Christopher Guest, Billie Jean states she wants joint custody of Blanket with visits on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. She can't chill with Blanket on Monday through Thursday, because she's usually tied up....in a straitjacket.

In addition to custody of Blanket, Billie Jean wants $1 billion in support. HA! I love this crazy-brained lunatic! Billie Jean says she filed the complaint because her husband kept having her arrested when she tried to visit Blanket. Billie even lists his name as Blanket even though his birth name is Prince Michael Jackson II.

Jacko has never publicly said who Blanket's mommy is. I wouldn't be shocked to learn that Blanket is somehow related to Nicole Kidman's precious pillow baby.

Blanket has to be my favorite name ever. Period. I hope he runs for president when he grows up, because President Blanket has a nice ring to it.

And don't you think it would be kind of fun to have Billie Jean Jackson's brand of crazy? You can stroll into a court place and sue a bitch for $1 billion without cracking a laugh or screaming SYKE! Her brains are definitely made of squirrel poo, because she actually thinks Jacko has a billion dollars.

I hope this shit goes to trial and I hope they make a reality show out of it. Billie Jean Jackson's insanity needs its own TV show!

Source: Extra

Lily Allen's ensembles are always hit-or-miss for me. Sometimes she looks like a piece of trash who uses a toilet as a planter in her back garden and other times she looks like a low-level call girl who goes by the name Delight. Lily looked like the latter while she went to a business meeting today and later did a little shopping. Yes, she wore this ho shit to a business meeting! It looks like her little red bag is filled to the top with condoms! This is exactly what you wear to discuss important business matters. Nothing says "I'm a serious businesswoman" like a mesh dress.

Lisa Rinna will take her clothes off and bare her nasties for Playboy Magazine. You know, because it shows everyone that she's 45, fabulous and not afraid to show her body only a plastic surgeon could love.

Lisa basically confirmed the news to Extra. They asked her if the rumors were true and said queefed, "I'm the worst liar on the planet, I can't lie, so... I think that could be a yes."

Okay, Lisa Rinna has an okay body, but those lips of hers still look like if you poked them ass puss would ooze out in gallons. A tube of Preparation H jizzes in its pants every time it sees Lisa's lips. This makes me think that her basement lips probably match, because she's all about symmetry and shit. You know she fills that shit with vegetable oil, collagen, liquid nails and anything else she can shove into a syringe, because even a back alley surgeon won't go near those lips. That shit is so puffed up that Harry Hamlin has to spread them apart using a crowbar just to stick his peen in.

The Photoshop artistes at Playboy will have their work cut out for them when airbrushing her collagen-filled coochie lips.

And when I was researching this important story like any serious journalist would, I found (NSFW) this fucking funny article on why Playboy never shows large labia lips! Playboy hates fatty twatty lips!

The Smoking Gun's hottest mug shot of the year. The crazy cow bitch is my favorite! - TSG

KFed's new piece better overdose on birth control pills and smother her body in Spermacide - Just Jared

Jim Carrey's sensual bubble bath with Larry King - Towleroad

Posh is protecting her big bag of money - Lainey Gossip

Eva Mendes must have transparent nipples - Egotastic!

CoCo's perfection on Juice Magazine - Hollywood Rag

Robots get the herp?! - IDLYITW

Enrique Iglesias chokes and kisses a fan (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

It's G.I. HO! - Hollywood Tuna

What bitch got dropped from Gossip Girl? - Popsugar

Arnold Schwarzenegger's ginge top - Cityrag

The Great Gatsby is the only book I read in high school from cover to cover. The other books I had to read, I used CliffsNotes or asked around in AOL chat rooms. Aw. I loved AOL chat rooms. You could suck cyber cock in one room while asking literature questions in another. Sweet memories.

So because it was the only book in high school I cared about, I'm a little fucking grossed out that Baz Luhrmann has bought up the film rights. This will be the fifth The Great Gatsby movie. My personal favorite is the TV version with Mira Sorvino, because it's a hot steaming log of diarrhea covered in obese maggots.

Baz thinks it's a perfect time to do a remake, because everyone's money is burning. Baz said, "If you wanted to show a mirror to people that says, 'You've been drunk on money,' they're not going to want to see it. But if you reflected that mirror on another time they'd be willing to. People will need an explanation of where we are and where we've been, and 'The Great Gatsby' can provide that explanation."

People don't go to the movies to think! They go to see soft core fucky times, bitches shooting each other and talking animal friends. I know for a fact that they don't go to the movies to see Nicole Kidman, so if Baz is thinking of casting her as Daisy, he better change his name to Spaz and crawl into a kangaroo pouch.

I can totally see him casting Nicole, because he's all up on her rubbery snatch. Nicole is no Daisy! The bitch ain't even the plastic daisy bouquet from the clearance section at Big Lots that sits on my mom's living room coffee table.

Source

If you're going to dress as Alex DeLarge for your 28th barfday party, you should at least wear the most important part of the costume: the crotch plate! I thought of doing that shit for Halloween just so I could walk around in public with a stuffed dick area without dumb whores giving me the side-eye or dragging their kids away in disgust. Without the mega crotch cup, you just look like Boy George making his Mormon sex fantasy come true.

And I'm sure by the end of the night, Bat Boy's costume looked like Tommy Girl's ass rag thanks to drunk Xtina getting her fake tan grease all over it.

Wonky McValtrex was burglarized last night after some bitches opened her unlocked front door and waltzed right in without a problem. Yeah, her front door is always unlocked and easy to get into.

The L.A. Times says that the burglary went down sometime this morning at Wonky's Hollywood Hills herp nest when she wasn't home. The burglars stole $2 million worth of her fugly shit including jewelry and other stuff.

The LAPD are at Wonky's house today looking at footage from the security tapes and talking to whores.

The burglars are lucky Wonky wasn't home at the time, because she would've jumped on their peens and fucked them to death with her toxic vagina. They are no match for the dick bandit.

And it's probably easy for the LAPD to find out who did it. They just have to check all the free clinics today for any dudes asking for a Valtrex prescription, because you know her jewelry is covered with her skank jelly. Especially, her diamond covered puss beads.