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The methed-out version of Billy Mays, Vince from ShamWow, is back in a new infomercial for some shit product called the Slap Chop! The Slap Chop Vince is whoring out is not to be confused with Parasite Hilton's vagina. The Slap Chop is her snatch's pet name.

You know, I've never been sexually attracted to Vince, but I am now. Especially at the 0:37 mark. He also made my no-no pucker with his "Fettuccine, linguine, martini, bikini!" line. Don't threaten me with a good time, Vince! You bring the nuts and I'll bring the thongs!

In all seriousness, the Slap Chop looks like a wonderful product thanks to Vince's master skills. With the Slap Chop, you don't have to spend hours making vegetables and other food items look like fresh cat barf.

(Thanks Rachel)

Somebody put this sad, little zombie robot in a dark room, plug her into the nearest socket and tell Tommy Girl to stay away from her for at least....well...for at least forever if not longer. Homebot looks like one of the things that lives inside Amy Wino's crackhive! I want to throw holy water on her or some shit!

Those alien sores are her body's way of telling her to drop the barley water and get on a plane back to Dawson's Creek ASAP. Pacey will be waiting for her with a cup of chamomile tea and Grams will wrap her in a Snuggie.

Okay, I usually look like this after a night of boozing, bong-ing and boinking, but Stepford Katie doesn't have fun anymore, so that's not why she looks like Skeletor's peen! She looks like this because she wakes up to Tommy's creepy gay face every morning.

Why that sly little crackie! Amy Wino somehow managed to slip out of THE CLINIC (dun dun) and get on a plane to St. Lucia without any bitches finding out! Or maybe I'm the only dumb ho who cares anymore and others can't even be bothered to roll their eyes at her crackpox covered ass anymore? Whatever the case may be, Wino checked out of her month-long detox at the hospital and headed directly for St. Lucia where she had her first bath in fucking light years. She's alive (I know that's debatable) and alive (that too)!!!!

The sea creatures are probably all cracked out from inhaling her crack dust. They are swimming around all fast-like, trying to find ice pops, slapping each other with their fins and making crackhives for their heads out of seaweed.

The Mirror says that Wino is in St. Lucia with friends through Christmastimes. While she's there, Wino is going to sample the local crack, put a little sunshine on her cokey nips and probably slap a native or two....or eleventy.

Visit The News of the World to see a few NSWS (not safe while sober) pictures of Wino in nothing but her ruffly chonies being a beautiful bathing crackie in the Caribbean. At least the other bitches on the beach with her don't have to worry about shark attacks, because no shark is coming within 100-miles of this mess.

Lisa LaPorta, the little lady (no, she's really little) from Designed to Sell and other HGTV shows. Every single time I see her ass on TV, I think to myself "Why is a small child giving design advice?" She's like a little mini-designer!

Kiefer Sutherland (42)
Lukas Rossi (32)
Julie Delpy (39)
Khrystyne Haje (40)
Andy Dick (43)
Ray Romano (51)
Jane Kaczmarek (53)
Jeffrey Katzenberg (58)
Thierry Mugler (60)
Samuel L. Jackson (60)
Jane Fonda (71)
Phil Donahue(73)