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Suri Cruise is really famous. Even more famous than her raggedy ass parents. She has the fan mail to prove it! Creepy? Yes.

Star Magazine says that the world famous superstar known as Suri gets around 100 pieces of fan mail a day from around the planet earth. If the Postal Service delivered shit from other planets, she'd probably get alien lovers from around the damn universe writing her.

A source tells Star, "She's even more popular than her superfamous parents. She has such a huge following that I'm surprised there isn't a Web site dedicated to her yet."

Apparently, most of the dumb dumbs writing Suri want to know where she gets her clothes. Do these crazies realize that she can't read? Suri probably will never learn how to read. All she has to do is wear hot clothes, flip off the paps and get carried around. Why bother learning how to read, write or walk?

I don't even want to know what the other letters say. That other shit probably has the PedoBear stamp of approval on it.

Tommy Girl definitely queefs over all the fan mail Suri gets. He probably replies to every single one with an autographed picture of Suri. Gross. Suri is seriously effed. She is better off running away and joining the circus.

Below is the world's most famous celebrity being carried by her bitch in NYC last night and this morning.

Mischa Barton has FINALLY launched her eagerly-awaited (NOT) line of headbands. Yes, because there are zillions of dumb whores who want to throw away $200 on a piece of shit that you can make yourself using scraps from your memaw's craft box. But don't even bother. Wearing a piece of paper that says "I am a foolio" is cheaper and gets the message across clearer.

Mischa's cacabands cost anywhere from 90 clams to 200 clams and are sold at some joint called Stacey Lapidus. If you even think of buying one of these, I swear. I'll.... I'll.... curse your name and never masturbate to you again. There is only one celebrity headband line allowed and that one belongs to international supermodel and silver screen star Phoebe Price! Of course, Phoebe had her line first. Mischa is a copy cat bitch! Phoebe even had her cellulite photos on a tabloid first and then Mischa had to go and copy her with that too! Mischa is a devil woman.

Mischa's headbands won't do anything but make you look like your head is too fucking fat, so you need a belt to hold it up. That doesn't really make sense, but I never do, so just go with it. Phoebe's headbands will do so much more for you!

Only after wearing them for a few minutes, you will get the sudden urge to pose on the street for absolutely no reason. Before you know it, paparazzi or creepy old men will start taking pictures of you and turn you into an overnight supermodel sensation just like Phoebe. Her headbands have that power! They might also cause you to rub raw chicken cutlets all over your face, but that's a small side-effect you can kind of live with.

VIA WWD

Christmas has come a little early thanks to a beautiful angel who sent me these pictures of The Silver Fox during his high school days at Dalton. Well, he was more like a brown fox then. The silver came when he first got his shiny star tickled by the tongue. He giggled, a huge cloud of glitter came out of his ass and boom! The Silver Fox was born!

He was still a hot piece back in the day, but in the second picture below he's kind of looking a little Vermont lesbian-ish. I'd still hit it.

And you know I'm going to get "Mary had a little lamb, the doctor fainted" tattooed on my ass.

What red-hot TV starlet is an in-the-closet lady lover? (Gatecrasher)

I can't post the words "red-hot" without paying tribute to Rojo Caliente! I miss her. My guess to this blind item would probably try and hop on Rojo's hotness and ride that shit, but she needs to drink (typo and it stays) on. It's not going to happen. My guess is Kate Walsh. D-U-H.

WHICH television actress has more to deal with than her recent divorce? Spies have spotted her leaving AA meetings in Hollywood. (Page Six)

See above.

Which acting couple with a bit of an age gap between them is having trouble acting like their home life is going well? One discovered that other had briefly cheated on them, and they have been struggling to work through that betrayal out of the public eye. To make matters worse, there is now the added stress of a child in trouble, as they recently discovered that one of their kids has a drinking problem. (Blind Gossip)

Demi and that Asshole? Those Willis girls are a mess.

It seems that this former B+ 80's actor and now known for indies and his best friend was on an airplane this weekend and forgot to lock the bathroom door on the plane. Word of advice. If you are going to defile the plane by doing a #2, your fellow passengers would probably at least not like to open the door and see you do it. The woman in her 20's who happened to open the door didn't know who the actor was and just said sorry. When our actor emerged he was just as embarrassed as the woman. (CDAN)

I immediately thought of Corey Feldman, because he looks like the top. I'm not sure if you'd call his movies "indies"? They are more like straight to the discount bin.

Image: INFDaily.com

Not to be outdone by Wino, Lily Allen airs out her chichis too - Egotastic!

Psst. Should we tell Katie that she's wearing a bathrobe outside? - Just Jared

Dolph Lundgren: I'd hit it - IDLYITW

Whitney from that Hills show looking like a ren faire reject - Hollywood Tuna

The Victoria's Secret models don't have shit on Amy Wino - Popsugar

Some hot gay action (and bad acting) on Star Trek - Towleroad

Wino topless + busting a move = pure comedy (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Tommy Girl is good at head...touching - Lainey Gossip

Wonky gets dissed and rightfully so - Hollywood Rag

I'm kind of scared that I can spot CoCo's toe from a mile away - Cityrag

This is the kind of utter shit that is created when you give a worthless slut with a 4-year-old's brain tons of money. Wonky McValtrex took a perfectly good Bentley and doused it in Pepto-Bismal diarrhea. The Daily Mail says Wonky's new pink short bus cost her stupid ass $200,000.

Her big pink piece of trash car now matches her big pink piece of trash vagina! Actually, there's no way her snatch is pink anymore. That shit is the color of dead fingernails. Pink is the color of her wart milk. Sorry. I'm grossing myself out right before lunch.

With her new herpmobile, this dumb skank is basically asking people to egg that shit. Or at least write "I'm a dumb whore" all over it.

She will never be Angelyne.

Here's Wonky with her fake BFF being stupid while going shopping Hollywood yesterday.

When I grow up I want to be the church harlot! This 49-year-old from Jacksonville, FLA is living my dream. Rebecca HanCOCK was ran out of her local church because she's screwing a man she's not married to. Members of Grace Community Church kept harassing her for being a sinful harlot, so she finally left the church. That didn't stop things though! Rebecca received a letter from the pastor of the church, Dr. Christmas, that if she doesn't stop doing the "straight to hell mambo" with her boyfriend, her sins will be announced to the whole church! This sounds like my idea of a good time!

Rebecca said that Dr. Christmas' letter states that on "January 4, my sins will be told to the church, publicly, with my children sitting in the church and my friends." Everybody meet at Grace Church in Jacksonville on January 4th! Sins will be told. I'll provide the holywatertinis.

Rebecca is planning to send a letter to Dr. Christmas to let him know that she is no longer a member of his fun-hating-church. Oh and she should also mention to Dr. Christmas that she just told a local news station that she's blowing her boyfriend (can't you tell from her jaw), so she kind of beat him to the punch.

Real talk: Dr. Christmas asked Rebecca if she'd like to suck on his candy cane and she totally turned him down, so he's sentencing her to hell! I mean, his name is Dr. Christmas. Of course she's going to turn him down.

P.S. - If Rebecca doesn't have business cards printed up with "The Church Harlot" on it, then I'm going to be so mad at her.

VIA Videogum

This is how I will always remember my precious Shiba Inu 6. When I first started watching them, this is what I looked at for hours straight. I was perfectly content just sitting in front of the computer and watching six puppies sleep, fart and occasionally whimper. I wasn't even drunk or high. Okay, I probably was, but still.

Goodbyes make me feel teary in the heart and I don't like feeling emotion like that, so I'll probably just sit in a dark corner and think of the days when the puppies were young and sleepy. So sleepy!

Tonight, Aki and Amaya will leave the real world (aka the internet) to go to their new homes. I know, this close to Christmas. This Christmas, the Shiba Inu 6 gave me heartbreak.

Ayumi will stay and continue to grow and live on the puppy webcam, because the owners are keeping her. I'm not sure if I'll continue to watch, because staring at one dog by itself is like staring at my own. I do enough of that already and frankly, my dog doesn't appreciate it. He invented the "don't you have anything better to do" side-eye.

This isn't goodbye, this is just....well.... I don't know what to say. So I'll just go and booze in the corner to keep from crying..... NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

JLo is not above having a "smell yo dick" moment with Skeletor, but she sends her slaves (aka cousins) to do her dirty work instead. JLo apparently likes to keep close tabs on her bag of chewed up bones, so she sent her assistant to look after Skeletor while he was on tour. JLo couldn't be bothered by going, because she was too busy yelling at the Dragon Tales Twins' nannies and rolling around in mounds of bronzer. You know she does that.

A source told Page Six, "She wanted reports back so he didn't cheat on her."

JLo has something to worry about, because I have a cousin who says she would totally let Skeletor wet hump her. Gross and gross. The bitch obviously has a strange fetish for shriveled up insect men with Twilight Zone faces. Whatever makes your chocha holler, I guess. I don't get it. She also says that "White Shoulders" is her signature scent, so it makes sense that she'd want to ride Skeletor's brittle bone.

And Skeletor's dick probably always smells boiled cow bones with just a slight touch of Old Spice.

Brit Brit, SPF and JJ (wearing Daddy Spears LensCrafters glasses probably paid for by Brit) wish all of you a Happy Holiday filled with Cheetos, Frapps and Adderall (Amen to that!).

Okay, I know why Brit Brit held on to SPF's off-limits area like that. He was trying to run for his life because Brit's weave scabies kept biting at his neck. I understand that, but did she have to choose that picture for the damn world to see! It's like the time my mom gave everyone a family picture where my eyes were half-open like a damn crackhead after a seizure. I know my mom chose that one, because she looked the hottest in it. However, that is not an excuse Brit Brit can use, because that shit on her head looks like Kim Zolciak's merkin. You know, when Kim's sugar daddies want a little fur down there.

And Daddy Spears isn't doing his job! There's a mess that needs to be cleaned up to the right of SPF. Get HoHan to come over and snort that shit up.