Archives

Fried turkey jerky alert! Donatella Verace in a bikini has ruined my Christmas - Just Jared

Jessica Biel is a dykey elf - Hollywood Tuna

Daddy Spears is a fucking legend (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Jenny Aniston admits the obvious - I'm Not Obsessed

Wall Street has gone to the chipmunks - Hollywood Rag

Don't give your chimp a popcorn popper - Towleroad

Fishy should keep her face covered by that blue purse at all times - Socialite Life

That gayelle on Private Practice counterfiles for divorce from her fake husband - E! Online

Vintage Keanu Reeves - SOW

Separated at claymation - Cityrag

Why isn't international supermodel Phoebe Price on this cover?! - Popbytes

Simon Cowell's luscious fur titties will keep you cozy and warm while I'm away for a bit. I have to drag my ass onto a plane to fly back to my homeland of California for that Christmas thing. Yes, I will be back with my native people, eating In-N-Out all night and sitting in traffic all day. So there won't be anymore new posts for a few hours while I'm flying high (in more ways than one).

Right after I get off the plane, I have to run my ass over to Rite Aid to find a bunch of crap to pass off as Christmas gifts, because I still haven't bought shit! Then I will skip over to In-N-Out, make dirty love to a double double and then I will post some more!

In the meantime, cuddle into Simon's chichis while he gives you a ride on his jet ski in Barbados. I shall return. And Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and everything else!

You might have gone temporarily blind from the jolt of pure elegance that hit you when you first laid eyes on these pictures of the always stunning Jodie Marsh celebrating her 30th birthday on the streets of London last night. Shake it off and take in the natural beauty. Don't take it in too much or you might be spending your Christmas Eve in line at the free clinic.

As with everything Jodie does, her party was a sophisticated and elegant soiree. The theme was Rock 'N Roll and I think Jodie came as a new kind of jungle STD that only grows in Dreamboat Doherty's dick bush. I'm lying and making hurtful jokes!!! Jodie dressed as a fine lady. A lady so fine that her nipples are made of diamonds and gold.

When Jodie "turns straight" again, Prince William should really consider making England's finest rose his wife. Jodie obviously needs to be the Queen of England. Only a graceful and exquisite beauty like Jodie can properly wear the crown of England.

Here's more pictures of the Shauna Sand of England with her girlfriend Nina (dressed as Slash) last night.

Clay Gayken was a giddy little gay yesterday, because he got his own caricature at Sardi's! At least, they tell me that's a caricature of Gayken, but the two bitches before me look nothing alike. On the left, we have a middle-aged gayelle whose eyebrows were electrocuted off during a tragic vibrator accident.

On the right, we have a girly-looking dude that I might bump tongues with in a dark club if I had too many Long Island Iced Teas. Whoever drew that shit did Gayken a huge favor. Gayken should give that bitch a taint slap. Although, I don't think any taint would appreciate getting slapped by Gayken.

I mean, I almost used my impeccable Photoshop skills to give him some gorgeous chola eyebrows like I did with Kellie Pickler, but it's not even worth the 10-seconds it takes me to whip that shit up. Not even a cholita makeover can save Gayken!

Why did his eyebrows go away?! Could they not handle the Gayken? They were probably fucking scared of the Claymates craziness.

Travis Barker already filed a lawsuit against people he claims were at fault for the plane crash that left with him burns and killed two of his friends. DJ AM has followed his lead and filed his own lawsuit in Los Angeles yesterday.

TMZ says DJ AM is suing the estates of the two pilots who died in the crash as well as Clay Lacy Aviation, Global Exec Aviation, Inter Travel & Services Inc, Goodyear Tire and Rubber Co, and Learjet.

In his lawsuit, DJ AM claims when the pilots reached takeoff speed, they knew shit was going down after one of the tires blew out. Instead of taking off, the pilots decided to quit the takeoff, causing the plane to crash and burst into flames. The suit says this was a bad decision made by the pilots.

DJ AM wants cash money for pain, suffering, lost earnings, property damage, punitive damages and past and future health-related expenses. Shit. I got tired just typing all that shit he's suing for.

Damn. I can understand suing companies and shit, but suing the estates of the pilots? I wonder if the pilots left behind any kids that need food, clothes and a roof over their heads. It seems a little extreme to try to fuck with the families, but I don't know the details and shit, so I will leave it at that.

I swear if Adnan lets that landing strip grow any longer, Britney is going to be standing beside him waving some little orange flags trying to direct air traffic or asking if you prefer the peanuts or crackers. - Sluttsville

Runners-up:

No, a West Virginian is a little different than a Brazillian. - Sweetas

Wino's most recent topless pictures were somewhat unsurprising to the world. - cheeeeeto

Thanks Jill

Clarice, Rudolph's girlfriend from Rudolph, The Red-Nosed Reindeer - Clarice loved Rudolph even though he had a big ass red nose. The bitch knew that the brighter the nose, the bigger the peen. Clarice also sang one of the hottest songs in the movie. Clip below:

Ricky Martin (37)
Michael Raymond-James (31)
Mekhi Phifer (34)
Ryan Seacrest (34)
Stephenie Meyer (35)
Shirley Henderson (43)
Grand L. Bush (53)
Mary Higgins Clark (81)