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Prince sips like a fucking princess....at a Lakers game - Socialite Life

Brad Pitt's life before fatherhood was a dead end. Barf. Barf. Barf. - Celebitchy

Guess who has another annoying video blog? It's not hard. (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Ho! Ho! And Ho! It's Slutty Claus! - Hollywood Tuna

Ryan Gosling can sing?! Yeah, he sort of can - Popsugar

Because you can't get enough of Simon Cowell's fur titties - Just Jared

I'd totally do the guy in the middle. I'm gross. - Cityrag

The clit lickin' Playboy bunny is getting married in June - UsWeekly

Disney quits Narnia - E! Online

Shirley Jones' husband has been thieving! - TMZ

It's a White Oprah item! I thought the bitch fell in a gutter and couldn't get out or some shit. It's been ages! - Page Six

China hates the Dark Knight - HuffPo

Speaking of tissues, which pop star won’t even throw away her own used hankies? When she gets a case of the sniffles in the recording studio, the high-pitched princess forces an assistant to do it. (Gatecrasher)

Mimi-mimi-mimi-mi!? I wish she would also force her assistant to throw away those dirty tampon boots.

Which couple has several difficult decisions to make now that their fake marriage is over? This gay, opposite-sex married couple were both in the closet for professional reasons, and agreed to the fake marriage to enhance each other’s professional image. However, now that the marriage is over, one of them may be coming out of the closet. That leaves the other, an actor, to decide whether to come out themselves or pretend that they are shocked - shocked! - that their spouse turned out to be gay. Both are unattractive options, as the former may hurt the actor’s career, and the latter would just be a lie which could result in hefty financial penalties. (Blind Gossip)

This month, Kate Walsh is the queen of all damn blind items!

Which actor is completely confusing Santa this time of year? She made contributions to several charities during this holiday season. Sounds generous, right? Except that she then sent notes to her staff telling them that in lieu of a holiday bonus, that donations had been made in their names to a charity (no, it wasn’t The Human Fund!). Naughty or nice? (Blind Gossip)

The Maddox on my shoulder is telling me to say Jennifer Aniston, but I'm going to guess Saint Angie Jo!

It is a sloooow slooowwwwww gossip day. Somebody please go and wake Brit Brit up and tell her now is a great time for her to crash the crazy train again. I swear. I went to Winchell's to get a fucking bear claw for breakfast, came back and there was this story on TMZ. I figured some of you broccoli lovers might care, so here it is.

Two pretty rich boring people got engaged. Wow, right? Tom Brady apparently asked Gis Buttchin to be his wifey while they were riding on a private jet from New Jersey to Boston on Christmas Eve. Tom proposed to Gis in front of her parents, she said yes and then Bridget Moynahan wet queefed.

Seriously, you know Bridge is laughing her ass off at this, because as soon as Gis gets knocked up, Tom will be taking his peen to another snatch. Trust this.

And now that we've gotten this exciting story out of the way, let's all get drunk at T.G.I. Friday's and then go terrorize the conservative memaws at Kohl's by throwing a panty party in the middle of the "intimates" section.

This Christmas, I decided to make it extra special by printing out a picture of The Empress of Lucite and taping it to the top of our tree. I bet that when I did this, an angel in heaven got its exquisite lucite heels and finally became the elegant beauty its been dreaming of becoming.

Here's the patron saint of lucite and elegance leaving a shelter on Christmas Eve after magically filling the empty stomachs of homeless people by blowing lucite kisses at them. No, she was leaving some hair salon. But I'm sure she was only there to get her clip-on bangs rotated and then she was going to glide right on over to feed the homeless.

My Christmas Eve was spent in my nasty ass pajamas, eating some sort of chicken leg with my hands and drinking red wine out of a bottle (it's all my mom had) while watching the Top Chef marathon and giving my family members the evil side-eye. The Beckhams obviously do shit differently. Posh wore her normal "sexy secretary going to a funeral" get-up and the Beckham men all wore suits to have Christmas Eve dinner at some fancy ass restaurant in London.

I never understood when families spent their Christmas at a restaurant. Maybe because it forces them to behave and shit? I was never into that. How the hell am I supposed to get drunk and act the fool with my family with all those dumb strangers around judging me?

Posh and her family probably sat at a table together and barely spoke. She nibbled on her lettuce ends while the rest of them stared at her, fighting the urge to climb her damn clavicle bones. Seriously, how is that fun? It wouldn't be Christmas without a good old fashioned drunk family fight that ends with all of you passing out on the couch together while It's A Wonderful Life plays over and over again on the TV. Or in my case, while a Top Chef marathon plays a million times. I think I watched every episode at least five times.

I see what Prince William is trying to do here. He's thinking in his smart brain that if he makes it hairy on his face, we won't notice the scraggly patch of weeds trying to grow on his head. Wrong! I can still spot his half-grown Chia Pet head a mile away! The beard makes that shit worse. Since he's smart in the brains, maybe he's going to shave off his beard and superglue that shit on his head. Hopefully, that's what he's doing, because his "Can you spare a dollar?" beard is not the look.

Prince William looks like he's been spending the better part of the month living in a cave, feeding on squirrel tales, shitting in holes in the ground and brushing his teeth with plant leaves. Basically, he looks like he's been hanging out with those evil Olsen trolls.

Prince Hot Ginge on the other hand, looks like a big piece of hot sexy, as always. I wish I had some marshmallows, so that I could put them on his fire stick and watch them melt. We'd have S'mores without the chocolate, because I don't play that nasty shit.

Notice how Prince William is staying away from his hotter brother. He can't get too close because the heat from Prince Hot Ginge will singe his pube beard.

Here's the royals including Prince Willy, Prince Hot Ginge, Princess Cartooney Eyes and Queen Elizabeth leaving Christmas mass yesterday.

When I think about you, I touch my elf. - The C Word

Runners-up:

Looks like Santa will be calling in gay, so Christmas is cancelled. - Country_Gal

The other passengers were okay with it until he tried to slide down her chimney. - Team Valtrex

The Shoplifting Dog Of Murray, Utah! - A hot bitch strolled into a Smith's Drug & Food in Murray, Utah, sniffed a few customers and then headed straight for the pet aisle. The manager followed his ass and watched as the dog thief grabbed a $2.79 bone. Obviously, he had a bone to pick with that store. The manager told him to put that shit down, but the thieving dog didn't give a cat's ass and ran out the door! He is currently at large. Do not approach the suspect unless you want him to sniff at your crotch.

Tiffany Brissette (34)
Chris Daughtry (29)
Reichen Lehmkuhl (35)
Jared Leto (37)
Lars Ulrich (45)
Tina Wesson (48)
David Sedaris (52)
Jane Lapotaire (59)
John Walsh (63)
Phil Spector (69)