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Jay Mohr is so in love with Nikki Cox and her bloated butt lips that he's decided to legally take her last name. Jay and Nikki apparently got married 2 years ago. I seriously didn't know they were man and wife or perhaps I never really gave a kangaroo's dick and that's saying a lot.

TMZ says that Jay has legally added Cox to his last name, so now he's officially Jon Ferguson Cox Mohr. Um. If you're going to do that shit, do it all the way. Don't half ass it. It really should be Jon Ferguson Mohr Cox. If you had the chance to become "Mohr Cox," wouldn't you jump on that cox and ride away? Fuck yes. Shit. I might try to legally change my name to "Mohr Cox." I've been inspired.

Seriously, Nikki should really change her name to "Mohr Collagen." The bitch has a problem.While Jay was down at the court, he should have filed a restraining order keeping Nikki away from fillers, because those lips must stop growing. Isn't he afraid that they are going to pop at the worst time? She could be slurping on his peen and accidentally spring a leak in her lips. Juvederm guts all over his nutsack. That isn't love.

Daniel Craig is looking a little jelly-ish in the chichi and belly areas, but I cannot resist a man who is so secure in his masculinity that he has no problem dipping his hand in another dude's Ruffles. So yes, I'd hit that shit while eating a jumbo bag of Lay's from Costco. Those chips are greasy enough, so you don't even need lube! And I bet the salt will make your no-no extra puckery. Dick & chips: a perfect combination.

Here's James Bond having some kind of potato orgy with his girlfriend and two dudes in St. Barts the other day.

Lohan-Noooooooooo! Hasn't the internet been through enough?! I mean, 2 Girls 1 Cup, Cheetah Lady, (don't click on this ---->) 1 Guy 1 Cup (<---don't!), and now Michael Lohan's blog!

Yes, the SamRo hating, penis-necked daddy of HoHan has built his own crackhouse on the internet so that he can "set the record straight." I love how he's trying to make things "straight" while wearing a turtleneck, fancy loafers and a cell phone clipped to his waistband. Very straight.

And in that picture above, why oh why couldn't an out-of-control semi truck driven by his drunk daughter come careening around the corner to knock that cell phone out of his waistband. You know how I feel about that.

Michael Lohan says his new blog is not about HoHan or SamRo. His new blog is about GOD! But if SamRo or HoHan talk about him in the media, he'll use his new blog to trash them right back. It sounds like even Inside Edition got sick of giving this asshole a soap box to rant on, so he's taken his act to the internet.

Here's a small piece from his first post. Remember, his blog is not about his daughter:

What this website will bring to you is the TRUTH! Facts, most of which can and will be cooperated.

I know a lot of people like to “feed the fire" and then hide behind a false name, anonymity or represent themselves as a “source,” a "close friend," or an "insider." But in truth, when it comes down to it, you aren't fooling anyone but yourselves. Instead of looking from the outside in, you need to be looking within first.

It’s easy to point fingers and be judgmental. The hard part is looking in the mirror and judging oneself. So please keep these things in mind, before you comment.

Okay, so here we go...
Today, on TMZ, my darling daughter Lindsay was asked for a comment in response to me saying, "Samantha is on drugs!"

Lindsay’s only response was, “look at him!”

WOW! Linds, how forthright! Let me ask you; was it me who was actually pictured in the train station with a bag full of prescription drugs? Do you see me out partying with Lindsay, my other children or having raging wars with her? Was it me who jumped out of a DJ booth and punched Lindsay when she was with Calum Best? Did I drive Lindsay around for hours in LA until she fell asleep and before I ran low on gas only to call the paps and sell pictures to them? Uh uh!

And he's dragging White Oprah into this! White Oprah better pull out her Hooters Mastercard and purchase WhiteOprah.org so that she can join the Lohan family blog wars.

I'm probably not enjoying Michael's blog as much as I should be, because I'm sober. After downing a few bottles of Bartles & Jaymes, I'll read this shit again and I'll probably give him a standing ovation at the end. I will admit that the Bible verses are a nice touch. His blog is the definition of "fuckery!"

I will admit that when I'm watching a movie in a theater and some dumb ass whore is yapping away like they are sitting in their damn living room, I think to myself, "Damn. I want to turn this straw into a shank and stab this bitch in the mouth!" Well, some dude in Philadelphia had even worse thoughts and carried that shit out!

29-year-old James Joseph Cialella was arrested after he shot a dude in the damn arm for running his mouth during a showing of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button in Philadelphia on Christmas Day. I think James Joseph Cialella just became an honorary Brangaloonie for busting a bitch during Brad's movie!

Police say that James asked a family sitting in front of him to shut their damn mouths during the movie. They didn't stop, so he threw popcorn at their asses. When that didn't shut their mouth holes, James got up and approached the family. James had words with the father, the argument got physical and that's when he pulled out a gat and shot the man in his arm. After James put a bullet in the father's arm, he sat back down and continued to watch the movie like nothing happened. The victim was taken to the hospital and James was arrested. He was charged with with attempted murder, aggravated assault and weapons violations.

DAMN! Hood rat stuff to the extreme. Over Benjamin Button? I mean, what the fuck? Maybe James has a strange fetish for Brad Pitt in old face. I could see beating a ho over Showgirls or Marley & Me (BURN!!!), but Benjamin Button?! I swear, some people should not be allowed to leave the comfort of their own padded room. James shouldn't even be allowed to carry a watergun anymore. Talk about over-fucking-reacting.

This also serves as a warning to me, because I'm one of those bitches who tells whores to shut their fat lips during movies. I've been known to throw in a "Eat your tongue, cunt!" or "Shut the fuck up" to bitches who are ruining my theater going experience. The next time I do that shit, I could get shot in the arm! That must suck, laying there with a bleeding arm, thinking that the last thing you'll ever see is Brad Pitt with pepaw face. Sad!

Source

Vincent! The bunny rabbit with no ears! His owner named him after Van Gogh. The owner claims Vincent was born without ears. And don't call his ass a guinea pig, because that shit hurts he's feelings! He's an ear-less bunny, but he's a total hot slut. You hear that, Vincent? YOU ARE A HOT SLUT.

Source: Daily Mail

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