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In case you have no idea which one is Suri, she's the one making a fist. Too bad she didn't use her first to punch Stepford Katie in the face to hopefully wake her up from the brainwashed haze she's in. And you know one of those toys (Katie not included) is working for Tommy Girl. My money is on the creepy bald headed thetan doll. Unlike, Tini Puppini, it looks like it can speak words.

Katie dragged Suri and her friends out last night to see the Christmas lights at Rockefeller. Translation: just the ten millionth photo-op of the week.

And Suri has started a trend with that blue nail polish. The next time we see pictures of Zahara Jolie-Pitt, her little finger nails will be polished in blue. Trust this.

This had the potential to be the perfect picture of the week, but rotten Peaches Geldof and her janky ass 15-minute husband had to ruin it. How selfish of them to slide into the picture when they could clearly see the bags of Cheetos and Del Taco deliciousness. Those things were perfect without their raggedy asses.

Pictures like this make me think of the good things California has to offer. There's a Del Taco, Jack in the Crack, Panda Express and In-N-Out in a 5-mile radius of each other. There are so many possibilities for a fine dining experience.

This shit also makes me think of how I almost died outside of a Del Taco!! It was like the year 2000 and my friends and I had just finished getting wasted at some gay club. Since none of us got lucky, we settled for the next best thing: Del Taco. As I was rolling up to the drive-thru, this van of heinous "girls" cut me off! I couldn't control what happened next. Every single curse word came flying out of my mouth: cunts, bitches, whores, sluts, skanks and (insert the rest here). Usually that puts whores in their places, but these bitches couldn't handle the truth. They got out of their van and started pounding on my beat ass Mitsubishi Mirage. The dumb skeezers starting screaming that they were going to pull my skinny ass out of the car and beat me down.

I quickly decided to temporarily file away the "cunt" word for now, because I glanced over to see that my friends had suddenly developed Narcolepsy. They were pretending to be passed out! Because I didn't have back up, I smacked my lips and then rolled up the window. I figured that if they were going to shoot me, maybe the glass could slow down the bullet and I'd be spared. Luckily, some security guard came rushing out to save me. I was soooooo close to shouting "That's right, bitches! RUN!," but figured it was best if I keep my fat mouth shut for once. Shit like this could only happen at Del Taco. Oh how I love Del Taco.

Here's Peaches and her busted snail of a husband at a Del Taco outside of L.A. yesterday and also doing gross things on their hotel balcony later in the day.

Well, this fucking sucks. Icon Bettie Page is in the intensive care unit of a Los Angeles hospital after she suffered a heart attack on Tuesday. Bettie's agent said she was hospitalized three weeks ago with pneumonia and she was about to be released when she had a heart attack. 85-year-old Bettie was transferred to another hospital on Friday. She's listed as "critically ill."

A friend of Bettie's family told AP that she's currently in a coma. Her agent wouldn't confirm it, but said, "I would not deny that."

I have the urge to call my rockabilly chola cousin to see how she's coping with this. I don't want to bother her though, because I'm sure she's holding a candle vigil in front of her Bettie Page shrine. I'm not joking. She really has a Bettie Page mini-shrine.

Good thoughts to Bettie.

Image VIA TheBettiePage.com

Since a judge ordered that the Bratz dolls be pulled off all the shelves immediately and be sent to rehab, the free clinic or the plastic surgeon's office, you might be at a loss as to what to get the prostitot in your life this Christmas. Fear not! Tini Puppini is here! This commercial has been playing for a while now, but watching it again reminded me that they make a perfect temporary replacement for Bratz.

I know a skanky dog isn't the same thing as a skanky doll, but Tini Puppini still teaches the kids and gays what's important in life: getting your hair done and acting like a dumb ho. Tini Puppini also would've been the perfect nickname for my last boyfriend, if I ain't being too subtle.

Those Tini Puppinis may think they are hot shit, but those bitches have nothing on my dog. This is how it's done. The end.

And I'm glad the announcer chick let us know that the Tini Puppinis don't talk. I was about to buy one just so Toffee Puppini could call me a "ho" in person. Yeah, I know she says "howl," but "ho" makes more sense.

Thanks Don

I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what that sign says. If you know, don't tell me. I need to figure this out for myself. It can be an exercise for my brain (it needs it). Because Posh is near the sign, I think it might say: "Rail Thin Bitch Awards Inside. Cha! Cha!" Obviously, she won the top prize: a gold-plated watch from Chinatown. It could say a million other things. At least I know what I'm doing today.

Posh Beckham is currently in NYC, because she thought it was about time the city get a little dose of her glamour. Since Dynasty is not on the air anymore, the world could use a lot more over-the-top glamour from biological females. I mean, who dresses like this on a daily basis? She looks like she snatched one of Alexis Carrington's funeral outfits. She looks hot, though.

We should all try to do dress like this more often. While I'm trying to figure out what that sign says today, you can busy yourself by recreating this outfit using an old dress from Ann Taylor Loft and scraps from your stuffed Spaghetti Cat doll. OH GOD. Don't do that. Use your teddy bear's fur instead. You can wear it when you go grocery shopping at Food 4 Less tomorrow!

Wait.......Where the fuck is Spaghetti Cat? Please don't tell me that's him on Posh's sketti noodle arms. NO!!!! What's the number to 9-1-1?!

I meant to write this shit yesterday, but my brains started happy hour early, so I completely forgot. I should eat more fish (not pussy) and ginkgo. That's what my mom recommends anyway. Do they make ginkgotinis? That would be stellar.

Soooooo....El Colbert declared victory over Kanye West on his show Thursday night. In case you were busy doing hood rat stuff and have no idea what I'm talking about, Stephen Colbert launched "Operation Humble Kanye" on his show. He asked America to buy his Christmas album on Wednesday, so that he could beat Kanye on the iTunes chart. He succeeded, but only for one day!

Kanye responded with the Twitter message: "Who the fuck is Stephen Colbert?" BUT Kanye later blogged on his own site that he did not Twitter that shit. He wrote: "I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS... THIS IS NOT ME!!!!!" Uh huh. Just keep the fake fight going. I'm drinking up every bit of it. Tastes like squid brains and bull shit.

Above is El Colbert's victory speech. His description of Kanye's album is pretty much spot fucking on. Although, it sounds more like Ms. Pac Man than regular Pac Man.

Also, Kanye was performing in Australia the other day, when some person threw a bottle or something at him. Kanye responded the only way Kanye knows how to respond. I wish I could stroke his sunglasses for bringing back the memories. I spent hours scribbling the phrase "Eat Shit & Die" all over my Pee-Chee folders in the sixth grade. Thanks to Kanye for bringing it back.

Mr. Bear from Full House - Yesterday, I posted about that hot bitch Kimmy Gibbler and my friend reminded me about Stephanie Tanner's greatest pal in the entire world, Mr. Bear. He was an important member of the cast. Shit, he was more interesting than DJ. Below is a touching tribute video a fan made to Mr. Bear!

Janine Turner (46)
Ryan Carnes (26)
Stephenie LaGrossa (29)
Lindsay Price (32)
Colleen Haskell (32)
Ulf Ekberg (38)
Judd Apatow (41)
Nick Park (50)
Tom Hulce (55)
JoBeth Williams (60)
Shekhar Kapur (63)
Richard Edlund (68)