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Here we have the most important 45 seconds in cinematic history. It's Phoebe Price's pivotal role in the feature film "Get Smart," which really should have been called "Get Cutlets" in her honor. Watch PP instantly go from international supermodel to international screen star in a matter of seconds. Don't blink or make any sudden movements, because you might miss it. I'm serious. Stay still.

No, she doesn't have any lines, but she speaks with her cutlets! The raw emotion is pouring out of her like gravy. I mean, can Meryl Streep pretend to window shop the same way Chicken Cutlets can? I think not. A silver screen star is born.

Below is soon-to-be Oscar winner Chicken Cutlets trying not to be noticed at the very private The Ivy restaurant yesterday. The usually humble PP was kind enough to show off her editorial spread in Vogue Magazine. Okay, it was really some tabloid, but what's the difference, really? Not much, so says Jennifer Aniston! Notice how PP tags all the pages she's in. She's so organized! PP must be prepared for the thousands of fans who attack her on the street to see let see her latest work.

I also threw in some screen shots of PP's powerful performance. My faith in American cinema has been restored.

Gay Al is going to piss through his no-no when he see this shit! Item #42 on his cum bucket list is to have lunch with Ivana Trump just so she can raise her champagne glass and toast to her "dahling Gay Al." And look who had lunch with Ivana in NYC. Star's wearing Gay Al's dick hunting boots too! Damn, she's cold hearted.

A little birdie should tell Star and Ivana that Alaska is filled with hot eligible hunks who worship fur-wearing memaws. The hunks can be found hanging out behind Governor Sarah Palin's house. The quickest way to attract the hunks is for Star and Ivana to put on their fur coats and gallop around while howling like moose. The Alaskan hunks love that shit!

Grey's Anatomy is still a wreck. Bitches either get fired or beg to leave that shit show. File T.R. Knight into the latter category. Sources tell People that T.R. has asked to be written out of the show and let out of his contract, because he can't stand to be around Katherine Heigl's caca breath anymore. No, he apparently wants to leave the show because his character is barely on the show this season and he's bored or something.

The source said it has nothing to do with the Isaiah Washington drama. T.R. just feels like it's time to move on. The source went on to say, “It just feels like this is the right time to go.” Another source said the details are currently being worked out. A rep for ABC wouldn't say shit.

This is what I need to see: the look on Heeeeeeiggggl's face when T.R. giddily skips into her dressing room to tell her that he was sent home early and she has to stay there. The cunt probably pulled out her hair, ate it and then threw it up all over the producers. Haha! T.R. got out of his contract, but they are making Heeeeigl suffer for as long as possible. Happy days!

Here's Theodore Raymond Knight with his boyfriend last night. T.R.'s smiling because now he can spend his days boning his boy toy instead of taking commands from Heigl. He's Heigl's bitch no more!

Why the fuck was Tommy Girl on The Hills' after-show last night? Why the fuck does The Hills even have an after-show? Actually, why the fuck does The Hills even exist at all?

Only Satan knows the answers to these questions and he's smoking a bowl with a Spaghetti Cat (he's everywhere) right now, so we'll have to ask him later.

Yes, Tommy Girl's desperation led him to The Hills' after-show last night to give marriage advice to Spencer Pratt. Isn't that special? From one fake husband to another. When asked about what he thought about Heidi and Spencer fake eloping, he said, "If the girl wants the wedding, you gotta do the wedding. It's a special occasion, and she'll remember it forever. Spencer... dude... you'll realize this later."

Tommy forgot to advise Spencer to switch Heidi's brain with a robot hard drive. Correction: just a slip a robot hard drive in Heidi's head, because she doesn't have a brain.

It looked like Tommy really wasn't aware of Spencer existence, but I'm sure it was love at first sight. You could tell Tommy's Scientolohole started chomping like a Hungry Hungry Hippo when they showed him Spencer's pic. Fleshy beards really do it for him. Heidi better be ready to fight for her fake husband, because Tommy is going to make Spencer his next wife.

And here's a few pictures of Tommy on MuchOnDemand yesterday. I can smell Tommy's panty pudding from here. He's pinching himself because he can't believe one of his wet dreams actually came true.

Pussy burglar alert! Although, the real Pussy Burglar wouldn't be caught dead in ripped up jeans. I mean, we're really not going to go there again, are we? Stepford Katie already tired and failed to bring back the tight-rolled jeans and now HoHan is doing this!

I used to waste many hours sitting on my bedroom floor, carefully making rips in my jeans using a razor. The rips had to look like they happened naturally. I would cut a little bit and then rip it slightly. Sometimes I would even take a cigarette and burn a hole into it, so I looked edgy and dangerous. It was so fucking stupid and here's HoHan bringing back the foolish memories! Looking at this shit is almost more painful than when your favorite mixed-tape would start warping.

I hate to say it, but she needs to bring back the leggings. And she also needs to tie her damn dick stoppin' boots!

First of all, sorry my shit is slower than usual with the posts this afternoon. My internet is being so gross right now. I have until the 15th to pay the bill before they shut me down! Damn them! Somebody please get Kanye West to call Time Warner Cable for me and tell them to eat shit and die.

Anytimewarnerisgrossy, this morning on The View, crazy Barbara Walters talked about her Sirius radio interview last night with crazy Paula Abdul. If only Ty Ty Banks was there to complete the trifecta of craziness.

Paul Abdul went on a trainwreck rant about how Fox, the American Idol producers and Simon Cowell tried to destroy her career with the whole Paula Goodspeed incident. Paula Goodspeed was the Idol contestant who later committed suicide in front of Paula's house. Paula claims Goodspeed stalked her for 17 years. When Goodspeed was a contestant on the show, the producers were well aware that she was harassing and threatening Paula, but they allowed her to come on because it would make great TV.

Paula said she looks like a drunk crazy head on the show, because Simon is always talking shit in her ear! Um. That's not Simon, Paula. Those are the other voices in your head.....

Barbara thinks that the new season of Idol will be Paula's last.

Paula ended the interview with some words of insane wisdom: "I put up with so much BS that I had to crawl on my belly, but I rise like a Phoenix!!!"

Well, she's crawling on her belly because of the downers. They can do that sometimes. And I'm guessing the uppers help her rise like a Phoenix.

Paula can't leave Idol! American Idol without Paula is like Simon without his moobs! During every episode, beautiful Vicodin gems cascade out of her mouth and create a puddle of craziness below her. Who else on that show can do that?

I don't watch sports, but it's all a major dick tease to me. It's usually hot dudes running around, being sweaty and touching each other in a rough-sex kind of way. But they do this all with their peen areas covered. Selfish and rude! Watching sports usually just forces me to turn to porn anyway, so I don't even bother.

Well, maybe I'll start watching, because on Sunday night, Fox aired a minor peen slip on live TV. The peen came out to play in the lock room after a game between the Vikings and Detroit. The Vikings head (heh) was giving some speech about his 19-year-old son going into the Marines when tight end (double heh) Visanthe Shiancoe's towel curtain moved unveiling his long, soft friend.

Before the peen could even take its bow, the towel curtain came back on. Fox quickly issued an apology: “It obviously was an oversight on our part and we apologize."

The only oversight was that the camera man didn't zoom fucking in and shine his light on the post-game dick! There was a lot of excitement over this football peen, because a ton of you bitches sent this shit to me. Clearly, Fox needs to do something about this. I'm proposing NFL Locker Room: After Dark. Peen slips and ass cheek flexes galore! This is obviously what America (aka you and me) want in our football coverage.

The NSFWish peen slip is after the jump. JUMP!!!

YES! Frenchie is in I Love Money 2! And yes, there's actually going to be an I Love Money 2 - Vh1 Blog

SPOILER ALERT! A beautiful Boston Legal wedding - Towleroad

Oldest excuse in the prostitot book: Emma Watson will go nude in the name of art - Egotastic!

Charlize Theron's nipples will get an Oscar nomination (NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Holly Madison wearing ugly shit she found in Criss Angel's dirty laundry bin - Hollywood Tuna

Amanda Bynes' head on somebody else's body on Cosmo - Just Jared

Matthew McConaughey takes his t-rex arms to Brazil - Popsugar

Katie Price whoring out another stupid product. In other news, frogs jump - Hollywood Rag

Jessica Biel totally got her sexy pole moves from Justin Timberlake - IDLYITW

You can probably buy your own Lady GaGa in the discount bin at Toys 'R Us - Popbytes

Daisy Simpson does not approve of her new fugly carrier - Lainey Gossip

Crotch fashions - Cityrag

Cat toy theft is on the rise in a neighborhood in Swindon, UK thanks to the criminal pussy known as Frankie! For the past year, Frankie has been sneaking into neighbors' homes and stealing all the toys he can find. He brings them back to his own house and lays his booty in the exact same spot in his living room.

The pussy thief stole 35 toys in the past year. Frankie's owner, Julie, told the Daily Mail that he never plays with the toys. He deposits them in his safe area and then goes out to find more. The pussy's thirst for the criminal life is unstoppable!

Frankie mostly goes for toys, but he has been known to bring back socks, half-eaten burgers, dead mice and birds.

Julie thinks Frankie's criminal activities are funny, but she does place posters around the neighborhood of the toys her pussy has stolen hoping to find their owners.

Hmmm....Frankie has a glorious career in thievery ahead of him. I know talent when I see it. Cat toys today, million dollar jewels tomorrow! If two crossdressers can pull off the biggest jewel heist in France's history, imagine what this pussy burglar can do!

And Frankie should copyright the name "pussy burglar" before Jeremy Piven does.