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LAPD Chief William Bratton spoke to out about the proposed "Britney Law" to keep paps in a bubble and thinks he has a better idea. He thinks Brit should just stay her ass home. That's what we've been telling her for months Willy! Like she's going to listen!

He told 89.3 KPCC-FM:

“What we need is for Britney Spears to stay home instead of traipsing all over town. That would solve the problem. We don’t need additional laws…I’ve got laws coming out my ears to deal with this issue. What you have is several young women in this town and several young men basically making fools of themselves and tying up not only my resources but the resources of the media that would do better covering legitimate stories instead of a bunch of airheads running around out there…Quite clearly some of these characters so favored by the paparazzi are clearly in need of services. Not police services, but psychiatric services.”

I like Chief Willy! He uses funny and fancy words like traipsing and airhead! I wouldn't call Britney an airhead though. I think her head is probably filled with Frapp and Cheetos....not air.

Britney doesn't like Chief Willy's advice! I can hear her saying, "But how is I supposed ta git mah pitcher taken Chief Willy?! I like gittin mah pitcher taken!"

These are the most beautiful shoes I have ever seen. They are the most beautiful shoes I have ever seen, because they are worth $1 million. If they were Crocs I would still think they are beautiful, because I am a money grubber. Tell me anything is worth a lot of money and I pretty much will love it. It's called being tacky.

Ever year Stuart Weitzman makes a $1 million pair of shoes to be worn at the Oscars. 1,800 diamonds were used to make the shoes. They will be worn by Juno screenwriter, Diablo Cody.

I hope she has the nerves for to wear them and takes a lot of Valium. I would constantly be giving side-eye thinking some crazy was going to run at me with an ax and chop my feet off. The security people assigned to her feet will be too busy checking out Angelina Jolie's pregnant rack.

Wenn

Since it's a slow fucking afternoon I've decided to post about my favorite person of 2005. It's Caprice Bourret! She was going to be Jordan before there ever was a Jordan. She was also on "The Surreal Life" in 2005. I haven't seen her in a while and I think there's a reason for that. She's been letting strange men tit fart her. Caprice, ladies do not let strange men tit fart them. Only whores do. Therefore, carry on!

Here's Caprice at something called The Fate Awards in Belfast, Ireland today. I know Caprice's fate. Saggy vagina, broken dreams and old mascara! That's probably my fate too come to think of it.

TMZ caught up with Shauna Sand outside some plastic surgeon's office where she said she was having "nerve block." I believe her. Shauna Sand does not get plastic surgery! She is a natural beauty. She was merely having a "nerve block." Don't you know what that is? Yeah me neither, but I'm just going to pretend it's only something the insanely gorgeous and glamorous get.

Shauna also talked about her world famous lucite heels and said she makes them all. She has over 500 pairs. A slut cobbler! Who would've known? This "nerve block" she had is fucking with her thoughts, because buying shoes at the local drag queen store is not considered making them.

Get better Shauna! I hope your nerve block clears up.