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Orlando Bloom is currently dating model Miranda Kerr, but Star Magazine claims that something is keep the relationship from moving forward and it's Orlando's stank. A source told the mag, "Miranda thinks Orlando is too smelly. Recently, she asked him if he could wash his clothes and perhaps shower more often. He'll wear the same jeans for a week before he throws them in the washer. Same goes for his sweaters, T-shirts and socks."

Orlando also sleeps with his dog and lets her slobber all over him. She's probably licking up the dick butter. Orlando is apparently upset with Miranda's demands and doesn't think the relationship will last. Yeah, me neither. If she can't handle a little shit nugget in the undies, she's obviously not the one.

It's surprising to hear that Orlando embraces his inner Keanu Reeves, because I pictured him for one of those dudes that loved bath salts, body scrubs and a little scented oil under his foreskin. Miranda needs to learn how to breath through her mouth. Some of the stankiest dudes make the best fucks. Trust me, I grew up in California with the skaters and their idea of keeping clean was picking their scabs off.

Every now and again a lovely lady lad will come along and give me the sex quivers. KD Lang (don't ask) and Dani from A Shot At Love are two of those women as is Tilda Swinton. I can't explain the Tilda thing. It's probably the flaming red hair, the long fingers and the Mr. Burns physique. I would definitely dress up like a magical lion princess for her, because crazy bitch is probably into that role playing shit.

I'm freezing my ass lips off over here and this bitch is walking the streets in fuck-me-shorts and a tank top? This shit is not right! I would move to Los Angeles, but I'm allergic to that mess. Anyway, here's LindsLo going to an AA meeting this afternoon. She probably goes for the donuts, the sob stories and the dick. I hear the dick is good at AA meetings.

Christina Ricci's little pooch is so ugly adorable. I can't stand it. I just want to squeeze him until his eyeballs pop out and roll onto the ground. He sort of looks like her. Oh and I give a big "eff you" to those who say dogs shouldn't wear cute, little sweaters.

I dress up my dog all day, every day! I dress him up for every holiday and I love it. He owes it to me. The bitch gets free room and board and all he does all day is sleep and lick his no-nut area. It's the least he can do for me.

Here's Ricci with her twin at LAX yesterday.

Michael Gambon may play a homo wizard on the big-screen, but he's a straight up woman-loving pimp in real life. Page Six reports that 67-year-old Michael is currently leading a double life. He has been married for 45 years to Lady Anne Gambon, but he's also carrying on a relationship with 42-year-old Philippa Hart. She gave birth to his baby last May.

Michael splits his time between his home with Lady Anne and Philippa's London home.

A friend of Lady Anne's said, "She is friendly and chatty, though she has never once mentioned anything to do with Michael's mistress or the baby. But she happily talks away about him and which new part he is playing . . . I can't imagine she can be pleased with the situation, but she seems to put up with it and I'd say she definitely still loves him. Maybe she realizes the only way to keep him is to let him lead this rather odd double life."

Michael isn't the only character actor in this sort of arrangement. Oscar-winner Tilda Swinton still lives with her baby daddy, but keeps a 29-year-old boy toy on the side. She said they are all really close friends.

Hey, whatever works for you. I've never been a fan of double-dipping. It takes way too much concentration and focus. I can barely remember someone's name after dating them for a few months, so I can only imagine having to learn two people's names. And one person bitching at you constantly is enough.

How many times do you think Michael called his chicks by the wrong name? Pepaw better be careful. He's going to get a frying pan to the face one of these days.

Thanks Andraya

You know how I love a sexy mugshot. Meet 20-year-old Jennifer Stroth from Denver, Colorado. Jennifer was arrested for allegedly stabbing her 72-year-old male lover on February 1st and then again on February 16th. Yes, her 72-year-old lover. Jenny loves the pepaws.

I'm trying to figure out what she's saying in her mugshot. She's probably telling the officer, "I will suck yo dick if you let me go."

She's like Bo Derek in 10. Too bad she's about a 1 1/2. And just in case you don't know this already, meth kills faces.

Source

Thanks Kirsten

Here's skinny bitch, Kelly Osbourne, with a mushroom hair lady friend shopping in London yesterday. If Kelly gets any skinnier her head is going to pop right off. I think her head is bigger than her waist. She looks hot though.

Oh and focus on the last thumbnail below. Get her ATM code! Then we can finally run away together to the islands and raise goats. Yes, I'm talking to you.

Here's Nicole Richie with her little sad clown baby, Harlow Winter, on the cover of People Magazine which hits newsstands this Friday. Nicole talks about how her life changed once Harlow came into her life, "It's almost like I don't even remember what life was like before her. She gives life a whole new meaning and a whole new purpose."

I remember what it was like. You drove drunk on the wrong side of the freeway. Crazy bitch.

She also talked about how she's not eating much due to breastfeeding, "I eat really bland [food] – chicken noodle soup, vegetables, fish. I had to cut out milk, no tomatoes, no lettuce. You think you have to cut everything out when you're pregnant, but you really have to cut everything out when you're breastfeeding." Sounds like she's eating more now than she did when she wasn't pregnant.

Harlow is a doll, but once again all babies this age pretty much look the same. Slap a possum baby on there with Nicole and I wouldn't know the difference. Fuck, slap a possum baby with Harlow Winter and I would easily mistake it for Nicole.

Thanks Sheila

On the cover of OK! Magazine this week they ask the question "Is Katie Holmes pregnant?" Um...you tell me! You are the one with reporters, sources, snitches, psychics and all that! A source told them, "She has that special glow that only pregnant women have. I would say there is a strong possibility that she's pregnant." That's not a natural glow. Tom Cruise is trying out a new shade of robot paint on her.

If Katie Holmes is knocked up, she will find out with the rest of us. She will wake one day and suddenly be pregnant. She'll shrug her shoulders and go on with life. Then 9 months later she'll pop it out, shrug her shoulders again and tell everyone it's "amaaaaazing and wooooonderful."

I think Tom's the one that's pregnant. He's been looking a little thick lately. He definitely has child bearing hips.

The Spice Girls made the money and now they are out! Cruz Beckham once again stole the spotlight - Popsugar

Sinead O'Connor would rather be shot than listen to Kylie Minogue's music - A Socialite's Life

Sienna Miller sluts it up mid-air - Just Jared

Lily Allen shows her ass while dressed like a secretary - IDLYITW

Princess RiRi is no Mariah Carey - Hollywood Tuna

But I bet you she's an amazing bowler (not really) - Popoholic

Courtney Cox or Demi Moore? - Hollywood Rag

Angela Lindvall is naked! - Egotastic!

Badass wussies - Cityrag

How did Adrien Brody get so fucking sexy? (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather