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This is the cartoon video for Brit's "Break the Ice." It's not good. It's bad. It sucks. You get the idea? I would say that this would've been hot 10 years, but it wouldn't have been. It still would've sucked.

Prize to anybody who actually finishes the whole video! The prize being you actually got through it. I guess that's not much of a prize. Well, you'll probably start crying when you realize you actually sat through that whole thing, so you win a salty treat. Tears can taste good.

Notice the "to be continued..." at the end? There's more suckery to look forward to!

Source

Unfortunately, there's no pictures to go with this amazing story, so I'm using a pussy on a pot. It makes sense if you think about. Police in Kansas were shocked to find a 35-year-old woman stuck to her boyfriend's toilet. The woman wasn't glued or tied to the seat. She had been there for 2 years and her skin had grown around the seat. She refused help, but after a little convincing she agreed. They had to pry the seat off and send it with her to the hospital. And I thought it was embarrassing showing up with a bottle up your ass. Imagine showing up with a toilet seat stuck to your butt? I hope it was a pretty color and nothing super tacky like a beach scene. Imagine! Extra embarrassing.

They found the woman kind of out of it and her legs looked like they were wasting away. They weren't sure if she suffered from any sort of mental or physical disability. I can tell you. The bitch has mental problems. There, I saved you the doctor fees.

Police are considering pressing charges against her 36-year-old boyfriend. He told police that every day he would bring her food and ask if she wanted to come out of the bathroom. Her response would be, "Maybe tomorrow." Of course she's not going to say yes, because her fucking ass skin has become one with the seat. It's not like she can just pourette off the seat!

The boyfriend finally called the police after 2 years and said "there was something wrong with his girlfriend." YES! Her fucking ass cheeks were eaten by the toilet seat. Does he not understand this?! I would cry a million tears if I lost my ass cheeks.

The idiot wouldn't explain why it took him so long to call. Maybe the telephone was in the toilet?

Police have not released their names. I don't care about their names, I want pictures. The paparazzi need to change their focus. Instead of giving us 10 million pictures of Vanessa Hudgens, they need to get us this shit.

I'm never going to be able to look at my toilet seat again. I'm going to have to hold on to the walls and perform some Cirque du Soleil moves while I take a dump. There's no way I'm letting my cheeks near that toilet seat.

Poor lady, her life was in the crapper. Literally!

Source

Thanks Jenna & Willski

I don't know how old this is, but it's Robbie Williams giving himself a mangina during some interview. That's basically it. I have no idea what kind of coke words are coming out of his mouth, because I was too busy focusing on his mangina to see if the clit was going to slip out. Sadly it never did. The video is after the jump and it's slight NSFW. Slightly. Let's jump!

OK! Magazine takes us inside Britney's "princess palace" this week. Plug your nose, because I call it to the poop palace. According to them, Britney is trapped inside her $7.2 million Studio City mansion. She plays dress up all day, because Daddy Spears won't let her go outside to play. She texts all her friends about how bored she is.

A source said that Brit changes outfits at least 3 times a day. She also has a set of clothes called the "fat clothes" for when she's feeling bloated or out of shape. She needs to put those clothes on more often.

The best part of the story is a source said Brit keeps a shrine to Justin Timberlake. "She's obsessed with him. She has pictures of them together and has devoted a private area just to celebrate him."

The source is definitely mistaken. They probably accidentally stumbled into Sam Lutfi's old room. I can see him dressing up in Brit's pink wig and rubbing his genitals all over his Justin T shrine.

If I told you the bitch in the middle was a lesbian named Esther from Asheville, North Carolina, you would believe me 100%. Rosie O'Donnell thought about having a hot lesbo threesome with Clay Gayken for a split second, but then smelled his ball sweat and called it a night.

Here's these three happy lesbians backstage at "Spamalot" last night. The Susan Powter looking chick is Rosie's main bitch, Kelly.

25-year-old Ricardo Jose Faulk turned himself into police after he was accused of jacking off in a Clackamas, Orgeon Target store and throwing his load on a woman. What's worse is the woman's 3-year-old was with her at the time of the "shooting." The woman immediately noticed the hot jizz on her leg and immediately went to security. Ricardo quickly left the store, but turned himself in after he learned police were looking for him. He was charged with misdemeanor harassment and later released. He was also tested for STDs.

Typical! Men are all the same. They blow their hot load all over you and then they are out the door. Rude. Target is honestly the best. This would never happen at Wal-Mart. Well, someone might poop on your foot at Wal-Mart, but sperm would not be involved. Target is sexy. Expect a load, pay less.

I'm afraid that's a daily occurence in the big city. My sister once saw a homeless dude jack off for a good 10-minutes on the subway. He blew his load all over the seat next to him. I think what's more disturbing is that my sister sat there and watched the whole thing. SLUT!

Thanks Neveen

That poor baby won't have a peaceful night's sleep for the rest of his life. He will forever be haunted by the face of Donna Martin. Tori Spelling is in NYC hawking out that book of hers. I must admit that I like the title. sTori Telling. Get it? So clever (eye roll)! I'm sure Andrea Zuckerman came up with that. Everyone was always stealing her ideas.

Tori's book is basically about how she grew up rich, got her tits and nose done and how her mother had an affair while her daddy was on his death bed. SERIOUSLY. It's going to get hot.

Tori claims Candy Spelling was getting her old lady vag tended to while Aaron Spelling was dying. Tori said, "I feel that at this point it's all out there and it's the truth. So what can they say now? It's fine... She's a great grandmother and, at this point in my life, that's all I can ask for... that she has a relationship with my son, a relationship with my future child and that bonds us in a way."

Candy, it's time to whip out the rose scented stationary and write another one of your famous letters. I suggest it starts with, "Dear stupid fucking bitch Tori..."

I don't care who is in the bottom 3 of American Idol tonight as long as Kristy Lee Cook is finally kicked out the damn door. Last week, she completely butchered a gorgeous Journey song. Last night, she did illicit and terrible things to "8 Days A Week." You know what Kristy, "8 days a week I haaaaaaate you!" This girl is a mass murderess of songs and must be put out of her misery! She is offending America and it must stop already.

I really don't know who else will be in the bottom 3 with Kristy Loves Cock, so I just guessed the stripper and Syesha Mercado. David Hernandez will be in the bottom, because he didn't take his clothes off. Syesha will be, because she went first. I'm probably wrong, but I don't give a fuck as long as Kristy goes home!

Below is her truly horrendous performance and I suggest you send it to all your enemies. It's the worst kind of torture and it will leave them begging for their lives.

Just in time for Spring Break!

The Joe is out! TMZ is reporting that Joe Francis agreed to a plea deal with Panama City, FL to keep his hairy ass out of jail. I don't know if it's hairy, but it looks that way to me. Hairy on the cheeks and hole.

He pleaded no contest to filming underaged chicks and was sentenced to time served. He will be on 6-months of unsupervised probation and he can't film in the area for 3 years. That sucks, because I'm sure Panama City is just filled with drunk sluts willing to humiliate themselves and their families for $20.

They will also give Joe back his Ferrari and $60,000 they confiscated from him. Joe might be back in Los Angeles as early as tonight.

Okay, Joe is sort of hot....right? Sort of? You'd let him nudge the tip in. A little? Ugh, I totally would and now I think I have to barf.

Yeah, she looks interested - Popsugar

Kathleen Robertson is in a bikini and pregnant?! Since when? - Egotastic!

Barron Trump has his daddy's hair - Just Jared

Patricia Heaton finally covers up her no-belly button (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Jodie Foster attracts the crazies - IDLYITW

Carmen Electra in a Crocker Jeans ad, but where are the jeans? - Hollywood Tuna

Xtina is on the breastfeeding diet - Hollywood Rag

Celebrity tattoos - Cityrag

White killer whale caught on film - SAYOR

"Fame" the reality show? It's gonna live for seconds! - A Socialite's Life