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Something tells me Tori Spelling doesn't google herself very often, because bitch thinks people actually want to fuck her fug ass. Tori was recently asked if she would be in the new Beverly Hills 90210 spin-off that's currently in the works. She said, "They should give me a call. Every teen drama needs a MILF, right?"

Um...since when does MILF stand for "mare I'd like to fist?" Tori baby, it's not that kind of show. I'm pretty sure the only man on the planet that wants to fuck Tori is her husband. It's pretty obvious that he was dropped a few times as a baby, so he probably doesn't have the best judgment.

Here's Tori at a book signing in Hollywood looking like Jabba the Hutt after a sex change.

HoHan hosted the Scandinavian Style Mansion yesterday. Brit Brit was originally supposed to do it, but then that whole "crazy in the brains" thing happened and she had to back out.

I want to hold HoHan down and take a baby wipe to her shit-stained upper lip and cover it with a Pampers. She has a permanent Dirty Sanchez.

KFed and Daddy Spears will reportedly join forces to manage a Mexican restaurant in Los Angeles. This is a brilliant idea since neither of them are Mexican and L.A. definitely needs more Mexican restaurants. Money maker! Brit Brit will apparently fund the joint. When I say "Brit Brit will fund the joint" I mean Daddy Spears will use her money since he's the HBIC of her finances.

A source said, “K-Fed wants to take over a Mexican place in LA with him and Jamie as managers. The restaurant, called Casa Cordobes, has been a favorite of Kevin’s for a while. He ate there with Britney. Now the owner wants to retire he really wants to run it. Kevin and Jamie get along well nowadays and Jamie is keen to get back into the restaurant game.”

This sounds like a fucking 80s sitcom. They should let Brit Brit takeover the menu. Think of all the delicious things she could come up with! I'm thinking Frapp flan, Huevos Rancheetos, carne asucka and orange soda horchata.

Source

Nicole Richie recently said that she doesn't like having big chichis, because they aren't really her. How can you not like having those things? I would never leave the house if I had those things. I would be too busy singing them lullabies and telling them how much I love them. I would send them Valentine's cards and we would frolic through the fields together. It would be a wonderful life.

Bitch should get knocked up more often. It won't last. She'll be back to looking like a rat fetus in no time. The weave isn't looking as fresh though. She should yank that shit out while she's hanging on to it. Rip that motherfucker out.

Here's Nicole at the opening of DCMA. The tool that got her knocked up owns the joint.

Knocked up Lisa Marie Presley dragged her mother out of the tomb to attend the 40th anniversary celebration of Elvis' 1968 comeback special in Hollywood last night. Priscilla Presley needs to take time out from injecting her face with bat mucus to take her daughter shopping for maternity clothes. This look says "fallen Hollywood madam" and not mother-to-be. I think she squeezed her fat...I mean pregnant...ass into Heidi Fleiss' old clothes. Ugh! Lisa also coordinated with her husband. I hate when couples do that shit. Come on bitch! They look like they are modeling a brand new fashion line for Z Gallerie.

I don't know why even bother posting Brit shit anymore. I have a feeling there's going to be no more meltdowns or drama.. I can't stop though. It's because I'm still addicted and I admit that. Maybe it's the calm before the storm? Doubt it. The hurricane already came through.

So here's some super exciting pictures and a video of Brit shopping at Claire's yesterday. Brit is on a budget, so she only bought sunglasses and a belly ring for $17. She used the debit card Daddy Spears gave her. Yeah, I know. We don't need to know this shit, but I do! I need Brit rehab.

I also wanted to post these pictures to feature this hot ass security lady. Even the mall security in Los Angeles look like fucking oompa loompas. She definitely spends her lunch break getting a fake tan load to the face.

2 Live Crew - The music of my childhood!

Any group with songs like Me So Horny, Face Down Ass Up and Anotha Pussy Caper is alright with me.

Below is one of my all-time favorites!

For Ashley

Mark McGrath (40)
Eva Amurri (23)
Eva Longoria (33) - 33 AGAIN?! Bitch please!
Kim Raver (39)
Bret Michaels (45)
Terence Trent D'Arby (46)
Fabio (47)
Renny Harlin (49)
Dee Snider (53)
Sly Stone (65)
David Cronenberg (65)
Judd Hirsch (73)