Archives

Brit Brit and her new hot bodyguard went shopping at DSW Shoe Warehouse today. No, but you know she shops there. She went to some joint called Off Broadway Shoe Warehouse. Hopefully homegirl was buying some new boots 'cause it's time to take those out in the back and put them down. Those things are done.

I love Brit's bodyguard because he tells the paps to "fuck off." He is in need of a major hug.

Brit was also caught....get this....wearing panties! Daddy Spears is doing a good job, he's finally getting her to cover up her bald Frapp muffin.

In other BS shit, she has reportedly refused to attend Jamie Lynn's wedding to Casey. 16-year-old Jamie Lynn asked Brit to be her maid of honor. A source said, “When Jamie Lynn asked her, Britney laughed sarcastically down the phone. She told her hell would freeze over before she’d stand as her maid of honor then hung up on her."

Brit is apparently pissed that she was the last one to find out about Jamie Lynn being knocked up. She thinks Jamie Lynn used her for press. Brit reportedly told a friend, “She just wants her famous sister at her wedding to show off to her friends. She doesn’t care about me.” What friend?! London? That bitch doesn't care.

There's an easier way for Jamie Lynn to get Brit to attend her wedding. All she has to do is tell her they will be serving Cheeto chili pie, chipped beef, Liverwurst on saltines, Kool-Aidtinis, Ritz with spray cheese and Ambrosia salad. That bitch would be there before Jamie Lynn could finish the menu. She would tell JL, "You had me at Cheeto."

Say yes. You know you would get with this shit. You would let him go balls deep. Fuck, you would let him stick his balls in too if he could. That's how much you want him.

Here's Mickey Rourke outside his trailer while shooting some movie in New Jersey. I think his skin is falling off, because it can't deal with his fugness anymore. And what the hell is going on with that hair? Did he go through a Tyra Banks "America's Next Top Model" makeover? I think he did.

Poor little Tori Spelling almost went bankrupt from shopping too much. Tori's fug ass told 20/20 that she put hundreds of thousands of dollars on her credit cards. Tori blamed her childhood for the reason she almost went broke. She never had to worry about cash, because her billionaire pepaw bought her whatever she wanted.

Tori said, “I know that might sounds shallow to people, but that was my reality. I would sit and watch my Mom order stuff online, or in a catalogue see a sweater and order it in 10 different colours. I thought ‘I have my own money - that’s what I should do’.”

She decided to go back to work to pay off the bills from her bad shopping habits. Tori said she was too proud to ask daddy.

Let's be real, that bitch asked daddy. When is Tori going to learn that spending thousands of dollars on expensive outfits isn't going to hide her fug! What she needs to do is invest in a paper bag for her face. I know, I'm so harsh on Tori. I never liked her ass. I always wondered why the hell Kelly and Brenda were friends with Donna Martin. Why?! I still don't know to this day.

They actually made Tori look semi-decent on 20/20. They probably brought in a Broadway lighting designer, put several filters on the camera and packed that bitch with make-up.

Source

Our Hot Slut of the Month is back! La Pequeña has finally put out a new video and this time he's paying homage to Amy Wino. It's pretty hilarious, because Wino's hive is bigger than him. He could comfortably live in her hive for a few months without her knowing about it.

In the video, La Pequeña is that close to showing the real La Pequeña. He starts humping the bed (close your eyes during that part) then slowly opens his legs and I swear I saw the tequila worm I swallowed in Mexico last year.

His "no, no, no" at the end of the video is going to haunt my dreams tonight

La Pequeña forever!!! Give this hot bitch a record deal already.

Thanks Travis

George Clooney's interview in the new Esquire is actually pretty entertaining and I hate reading that kind of crap. A.J. Jacobs interviews George and they talk about everything from his beef with Fabio to "2 Girls, 1 Cup" to all the gay rumors about him. For the most of the interview they go through the internet to find out what people are saying about The Clooney.

on Fabio beating him up:

"Yeah, that's probably true. He's a big guy. There is a moment when you are actually in the argument and you're thinking, 'If I do get beaten down by Fabio, that will be far worse than the pain. I wouldn't shake that."

on a website calling him gay, gay, gay:

"No, I'm gay, gay. The third gay – that was pushing it."

on Rupert Everett saying the Ocean's movies were cancer:

"Where did that come from? You kind of go, Dude, weren't you in Dunston Checks in?"

Then the conversation gets into 2 Girls, 1 Cup. Georgie tells a story about how a friend told him to look up this YouTube video of a monkey smelling his ass and then passing out. A.J. then asks Georgie if he's ever seen 2 Girls, 1 Cup. Georgie insists the dude show it him. The dude tells George that it might scar him forever, but George doesn't care.

They finally watch it and after a few seconds George says, "It's not that bad." A few seconds later he shouts, “Oh, my GOD! Oh, my God!! Oh, my God!” and runs from the room. George's PR dude then wants to get in on the action and says he can last longer than George did. PR dude lasts 3 seconds.

Oh please George! Don't act like you've never taken a load of shit to the mouth before. I'm sure that's how he got his role on "Facts of Life." I would definitely eat fake poo for George Clooney. They are totally eating fake poo in 2 Girls! Come on.

Sarah Larson better thank the heavens every day. A year ago she was serving Jello shots to douchebags in Las Vegas and now she's fucking George Clooney.

You can see more pictures and parts of the interview at Celebitchy

Put that boy down, Gwen! He doesn't like being shown off like that. He's not your toy! He wants to frolic through the fields picking flowers.

Here's Gwen wearing one of Morticia Addams' old ones while having din din with her hot husband and her family in Hollywood yesterday.

What the hell happened to the No Doubt reunion?! I was looking forward to that shit and then Gwen goes and gets herself knocked up. She announced, I thought it was going to happen and BAM! Nothing. The only way she can redeem herself is if she names her baby "Queenston" even if it's a boy. She has a King! She needs a Queen now.

Asshole Simpson's new album cover is definitely a major contender for the fugliest of the year. The label probably sat around and said, "How the hell can we distract from this annoying slag's fugly face? I have an idea! Let's find the ugliest font we can find. Maybe two fugs can make a right."

That font should only be allowed on the cover of a Schoolhouse Rock album and nowhere else.

It looks like an avatar one of her two fans would make using MSPaint while on a NyQuil high. Seriously, her fans probably think a NyQuil high is hardcore.

I shouldn't say Papa Joe approved, because if he had his way she would be in a bikini, sucking on a lollipop and clutching her "My Heart Belongs To Papa Joe" pillow.

Source VIA ONTD

Remember those Filipino prisoners that did the hot Thriller dance? Well, they are back. I guess they take requests, because due to popular demand they performed the Soulja Boy dance followed by MC Hammer's "You Can't Touch This." Hell yes! Where the hell do I make my requests, because I want to see Paula Abdul's "Cold Hearted Snake" and the Macarena.

They need to work on their Hammer shuffle though, because that shit is pretty whack. They probably can't do it full out, because if they do their organs might fall out of their raw assholes. I'm sure they are doing butt sex in between dance practice. What else is there to do in prison? Dance practice and butt sex! Sign me up.

Prison in the Philippines is fun!

Thanks Chanel

Rosie O'Donnell has offered a job to our favorite faux chola, Danny Noriega, on her R Family Cruise to Mexico next week. Rosie said on her blog that she would love him to come out with a friend or his family and perform "Tainted Love."

She also said that Cyndi Lauper was also set to perform on the cruise and Danny could duet with her. Rosie went on to say, “I think you’re fantastic. And I think you’re a bold and brave and beautiful young man. And I admire you, Danny Noriega. You have an amazing voice. And your hair looks good straight.”

That's the only thing that's straight on him. Rosie only asked him, because she wants to find out if his ass tastes as good as pussy. Shit, I'm nasty, but you know Danny's a-hole secretes a little vag juice. Ok, I'll stop!

Anyway, Danny should only it if he gets to headline. Danny is going to be a big shining star.......on the drag circuit.

VIA People

Thanks Kathryn

John Mayer wrote a blog the other day to an "ex lover" where he told them to stop calling his ass and that he didn't want them in his life anymore. You can click here to read the original post. Many thought John was talking about Chestica Simpson, because we know how annoying she can be. It would make sense.

John has taken to his blog again to clear up his original post.

The blog - copied from my lyric/idea journal, is all about the P.S. - it's a writing technique called "deceptive resolution"; you think the story is going one way, only to find that it twists around at the end, using all its momentum to swing in another direction. In this instance, the writer of the missive is saying in as many certain terms as possible that he does not want to see his ex anymore. At the end, the P.S. leaves that all too common contradiction in terms that makes love so messed up. I call it "I wish you were here so I could tell you to leave".

This actually has some pretty far-reaching ramifications. How will I write an entire record of lyrics when one small blog passage incites so much curiosity? Can I write a song because of somebody but not about them? By way of my experiences but not as a sordid retelling of them? Because if I can't, I need to rewrite the last line to my new song "Boning you on my helicopter".

Huh? I don't think John even knows what he's saying. John, next time just save of us all the trouble and preface your posts with "don't pay attention to any of this, because I am a douche tool." It would make things so much clearer. I must admit that the part of boning in his helicopter sort of made it tingle.