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HoHan stepped out in NYC today to help the homeless and feed the children. No, of course not. Bitch went out to shop. How many leggings and fugly scarves does one ho need? HoHan also looked like she finally took a Brillo pad to her face and washed off years and years of tanning spunk. You would think bitch would look better, but I'm not so sure. She has slight abortion face with a touch of hangover face. Maybe that's why she covers her shit with all that fake tanner.

Samantha Ronson accompanied HoHan while she spent money she doesn't have. Those lezzzzzies! I just know they are bumping clam holes. I don't blame HoHan. Sammy looks like she could pull an ovary out with her finger banging skills. If they were an annoying Disney TV show they would be called "Lezzies McGuire."

The shit went down like a bad herpes outbreak in the Big Brother house today. You see, two alliances are battling it out. It's all very high school. High School with a lot more STDs and plastic body parts. I just wish CBS would give them guns and let them shoot each other.

In this little clip above, Chelsia (who probably thinks she looks like Posh with that haircut) confronts Cheri Oteri's evil twin aka Nat for saying she has a smelly twat. She asks Nat to smell her punane. You know Nat wanted to bite at it, because she's a dirty skeeza! A few minutes later, James pours some shit on Nat's head followed by Josh throwing ice water at her face. I don't think that's the first time Nat's had back-to-back loads on her face.

Visit BB Couch Potatoes to see many more videos of the afternoon's events. Dramz.

Oh and Matt also dropped the N-word.

CBS, you have our permission to lock the doors and gas the joint, but make sure you put it on the live feed.

Thanks Dr. Detroit and WrecklesssLove

Carmit Bachar of The Pussycat Dolls has announced that she's leaving the group. The girls probably found out that doll didn't have a pussy. Carmit wrote on the group's website:

Dear PCD fans,

I wanted to be the first to tell you that I am no longer in the Pussycat Dolls but we will always be sisters forever! Thanks to all the dedicated fans for your unconditional love and support! Exciting news is coming and I promise to keep you all posted!

Much love,
Carmit

That bitch was my favorite! I always love the ones with dicks. She's probably going to finally get the snip. You go Carmit! Skip into the world and become the woman you've always wanted to be.

Since there's an opening the group, I'd like to the propose the perfect (and I mean perfect) replacement. This bitch was born to be a Pussycat Doll. And I present to you:

Yup, we've got another one.

Meat head Matt Damon and his wifey, Luciana, are expecting another baby reports People. Luciana stepped out in London with Matt last night and was obviously knocked up. Their rep said, "They couldn't be happier. They're so excited!"

The two have one daughter, Isabella, together born in 2006 and Luciana has a 9-year-old daughter from a previous marriage.

I don't even know what to fucking say. They are just so boring. That's a good thing for them I guess. They probably talk about boring things like politics, sports, all the different ways to cook chicken and draperies. Boring couples love to talk about draperies. Don't ask me why.

Sarah Larson, take a good look at your future. Luciana was a bartender when she first met Matt Damon and now she's spending her days shopping and yelling at the nannies. Lucky ass whore. On second thought, she's boring so she's spending her days cutting the crust off of sandwiches and puffy painting her daughter's names on their underwear.

TMZ reports that some bitch placed a 911 call claiming Heather Locklear was going to try and off herself. Amanda Woodward would never go down like that. The call was not made from Heather's house. The fire department and two paramedics were sent to Heather's Thousand Oaks home yesterday and quickly figured out Heather was fine. They checked out her out and found her to be responsive. They left 10 minutes later.

OH SHIT! I know who was behind this little prank. Allison fucking Parker! That bitch never got over the fact that Billy always wanted Amanda. Always! Get over it Allison! I knew that bitch wasn't as good as she pretended to be.

Meet Janina San Miguel, a contestant in the Bb. Pilipinas beauty pageant. 17-year-old Janina was doing well through the entire competition until the interview portion came. Janina was asked a basic question and she could barely spit an answer out. She kept apologizing and said this was her first pageant. I think homegirl took a major bong hit before going on stage. That was definitely a stoner answer.

I think Miss Teen South Carolina paid this chick to fuck up, so the title of the dumbest interview answer could be taken off her shoulders.

Get this shit. Janina won the title. No joke. She won the pageant.

Thanks Hannah

Birthday: August 19, 1951
Age: 56
Birth Name: Laura Cecilia Bozzo Rotondo

Original Date of HS of the Day: March 7, 2008
Claim to Fame: In the 1990s she hosted the talk show Laura en América. The show was compared to Jerry Springer, because guests would frequently start brawling on stage. Some people claim Laura used the same actors to play different guests only changing their look with the help of a cheap ass wig.

Where is she now? She has a show called Laura en Accion on Telemundo right now.

Why is she HS of the Week? This crazy slut was on house arrest from 2002 to 2005, because she used her talk show to discredit the opponents of former Peruvian President Alberto Fujimori. She had to move into the studio where her talk show shoots. Peru does not air her talk show, because many Peruvians feel she has shamed their country. There are claims that Laura tours the poor parts of Peru and offers money to anyone who can learn a few lines and play a role on her talk show. When a major earthquake hit Peru in 2007, Laura visited Pisco and discovered a little girl who had lost everything. People quickly recognized the little girl from one of Laura's previous shows where she claimed she was a victim of molestation. Fraud! Thanks to Wikipedia for all these hot tidbits on this crazy mofo.

The other day I wrote about Brit Brit getting some cheetothrax in the mail from crazed bitches. Brit's camp has apparently contacted the FBI, because some nutfuck has been sending her weird letters and packages.

OK! Magazine reports that Brit started receiving crap about 6 weeks ago. It started with just 1 package a week, but now it's up to 2 or 3 a week. It goes to the same Los Angeles address, but never to one of Brit's homes. A source said one of the packages contained a sex toy.

The sourcie said, "The first thing you see when you open the box is a huge, lavender-colored, battery-operated sex toy. Still with the price tag on it." Two letters came with the sex toy. One was handwritten and the other was written on a computer. Sourcie added, "The handwritten one is on note paper and it's written in a crazy, all-caps chicken scratch." AGAIN...is Brit writing this shit herself?! Some people send flowers to themselves and some send dildos. The letters described how they want to do sex to Brit.

The package also contained a picture of some dude. OK! describes it: "Perhaps the scariest item inside the package is what some believe to be a picture of the sender — a middle-aged caucasian male with stringy, greasy hair — with the eyes cut out of the photo, in which he appears to be squirting some sort of yellowish liquid into his open mouth." Yellowish liquid? Cheeto jizz! He knows the way to Brit's heart.

The packages come from Minneapolis, Minn. Brit's team has already handed everything over to the FBI. Um....can't they just knock on the door of the return address? I'm a fucking genius! Call me Agent Clarice Starling.

Honestly, Brit could use a dildo or two. Maybe this way she'll stay away from the landing strip douches. It's better to get dildomatized than dickmatized.

Here's Brit at dance practice the other day. She looks sad. Brit, turn the frown upside down with the help of a dildo friend! It will do wonders.

Now that the gorgeous chola talent known as Danny Noriega is out of our lives to never be heard from again, I must find a new reason to watch Idol. Well, my main reason for watching Idol is to see how incoherent and crazy Paula will be that night. Besides that, I can always look forward to Amanda Overmyer. There's just something about her skunk hair and possum voice that soothes me like a tall glass of battery acid. Not to mention her stunning fashion sense. It's always nice to know what elegant fashions Hot Topic is carrying.

Anyway, the Idol kids were let out of their cage to attend the premiere of "Horton Hears A Who." That's funny, because Amanda sort of has a face like The Grinch.

TMZ reports that the Idol kids weren't the only annoying scabs on the carpet. Some anti-abortion group decided it would be really fun to protest the children's event. They used the movie's theme, "After all, a person is a person, no matter how small" to spread their message of pro-life. People shouted at the protesters, "This is a kid's premiere."

The Crazy Phelps better step it up. The Westboro Baptist Church has some competition.

I took me a while to realize this was not the actual Christian from Project Runway. Last night's Saturday Night Live featured a skit with Amy Poehler playing Christian for a new show called Fierce: The Hot Mess Make-Over Show. I think SNL has created a monster, because Bravo executives probably had an emergency 1:30am meeting to actually put this show together. I can honestly picture seeing this crap on TV with the exact same dialogue.

The word "fierce" has raped my ears to the point that they are raw and bleeding. Can we finally bury it? Tyra Banks can sing at the memorial and Christian can give the eulogy.