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Who did Bret Michaels choose as his one and only true love for the minute? Was it the muppet or the old lady? Spoilers after the jump! MORE.....

Don't laugh! In Wino's crackhead mind, she believes she looks like Cindy Crawford or some shit. A crack rock will straight-up lie to your face!

Wino is telling friends that she just can't stop putting the white shit up her nose. The News of the World claims Wino was at some party where she was doing line after line. After she finished dusting up the coke mirror, she complained to friends that she really needs to quit drugs. I'm sure their laughs could be heard in fucking Scotland.

Wino apparently told her pals, “I’ve been told I’ll lose my looks over this—but I can’t give it up! I’m told my scars might never heal. My dermatologist says it’s a result of the drugs and it could spread to other parts of my body if I don’t quit. What will I do if I lose my looks? Blake will never love me like that."

And let's laugh some more! Wino need not worry about Blaaaaaake every leaving her. He'll gladly suck the puss out of her crack pox as long as she keeps paying his way. It probably tastes like squab.

Wino's friend said that after her little sob story, she went to the bathroom to do more lines. The friend caught a glimpse of her in the open door, "It's sad to see one of Britain's hottest talents kneeling on the floor of a bog and snorting drugs. She dabbed up the last few bits of powder, making sure she got every last bit, from the lid."

WTF is a bog? The bathroom was in the swamp? What kind of goddamn apartment was this? Yes...yes...I know...bog is slang for toilet. Just let me have my fun in picturing Wino snorting coke with Swamp Thing. I hear he's a massive junkie.

I've sunk to a new low, because I'm starting to find Ken Paves sort of hot. He looks like a 45-year-old mother of 3 who is finally becoming the "real him" by taking testosterone pills and getting his boobs chopped off. The bitch is a few therapy sessions away from going under the knife and getting a fake dick. Dude looks like a lady dude! That being said, I would totally hit it.

Here's Paves with his faghag leaving Foxtale last night.

Adnan Ghalib was attacked by a knife-wielding crazy last night! JFXOnline reports that Adnan was stabbed in the arm and also has a bruise on his eye and lacerations on his face. He received medical attention and is doing alright. He's apparently been receiving death threats the past few weeks. It's unknown who tried to attack his ass.

Round up the suspects! We've got a game of Clue here. Lynn Spears, Brit Brit, Daddy Spears, Gay Cockatoo (he's still mad at Adnan for taking his haircut) and Perry from Make Me A Supermodel, where were you last night?!

Maybe the person who attacked him was just trying to do us all a favor and finally shave off his landing strip!

I'm sure Adnan will tell us the whole horrifying experience on one of the entertainment shows next week.

Thanks Amanda

Birthday: September 1, 1989
Age: 18
Birth Name: Bill Kaulitz-Trümper

Original Date of HS of the Day: April 12, 2008
Claim to Fame: Lead singer of the annoyingly popular German band Tokio Hotel

Where is he now? Taking over the world!

Why is he HS of the Week? If Pete Burns and Sonic the Hedgehog had a love child, it would be Bill Kaulitz. Homegirl claims he isn't gay. What does she...I mean he...look for in the opposite sex? "The first thing I notice about a girl, is her hands. I like girls with nice hands. And also nice curves and butt. And she must be spontaneous as well." GAY! Gay and oh-so hot. I bet he's like a Barbie doll down there. He doesn't have a dick or vagina. We need more of this hot bitch over here.

HoHan and friends were recently having a laugh at Jessica Simpson's expense. They were laughing at Jessica's tranny mess Esquire cover which was a recreation of Virna Lisi's cover from the 60.s

The NYDN claims HoHan said, "I so already did that." She was apparently referring to her Marilyn Monroe cover for New York Magazine. Although, maybe HoHan was referring to Jessica herself. I bet those two totally bumped figs after too many Sex on the Beaches.

Both of their covers are hard-on killers. It's not a good thing when their pictures could easily be used on a promo card for tranny night at the local gay club.

Speaking of pre-ops....here's our favorite female-to-male tranny, Samantha Ronson, with HoHan the other night.

Wonky was in Bologna, Italy for some hair and beauty trade fair where she whored out her line of fake hair. That shit is aptly named "The Bandit," because Wonky is robbing your ass blind if you buy that ugly crap.

You would be better off going through Jessica Simpson's trash can for her old weave pieces than wear Wonky's rayon hair. If Wonky was a smart businesswoman, she would make that shit semen resistant.

This dumb skank also doesn't need to wear her name on her shirt AND belt. Everyone knows who she is by her toxic pussy stank alone.

Tommy Girl is trying to break up the friendship between Posh Spice and his robot wife. The Daily Mail reports that Tommy has grown concerned about Katie's rapid weight loss and he blames Posh. Katie has been copying Posh down to her diet.

A source said, "She is very thin largely because she is following Victoria's strict 900-calories-a-day eating plan. She is copying Victoria's fad of eating seaweed shakes, frozen grapes and edamame beans. She is tiny." 900-calories?! My morning coffee is 900-calories, because of all the sugar, cream, cinnamon, chocolate and Cool Whip I put in it.

A seaweed shake sounds like something that would come out of Tommy Girl's ass. And frozen grapes are only delicious when poured into white wine. That diet fucking sucks! No wonder they both look like death fucked them in the ass and left them raw. Both of these bitches need to join me for lunch at the Hometown Buffet. All you can vomit sundaes!

I also don't know what Tommy Girl's problem is. If he has such a problem with Katie's relationship with Posh, he should program her to stay away from the woman. It just takes two keystrokes.