Archives

John Travolta looked at himself in the mirror one day and said, "Girrrrrrl! You need to butch up your image! A little pube hair on your gorgeous face will do the trick. Love you girrrl! Kiisses!" Unfortunately, there's nothing butch about this look.

Imagine the shit he's wearing underneath his clothes? He's probably wearing a full leather harness, nipple clamps, a butt plug and a Richard Quest rope knot around his genitals. And around Mickey Mouse?! It's ok. Mickey's used to that kinky shit. I mean, he is from Disney and those bitches are a bunch of dirty whores.

Here's leather bear daddy at Michael D. Eisner's induction into the Hollywood Walk of Fame today.

Amy Wino's crazy ass was arrested and thrown in jail today for allegedly headbutting and bitch slapping some ho. Well, Wino may have a man waiting for her when she gets out tonight. No, I'm not talking about Blaaaaake. The Sun reports that Wino has been secretly dating Alex Haynes (above) for about a month.

Alex is her manager's assistant and friends say she's fallen "head over heels in love." That's just the heroin talking. A friend said, “It is a relief that it’s finally out and they have everyone’s 100 per cent backing. Alex is a good boy. He doesn’t smoke or take drugs. He isn’t a big drinker. Amy has really fallen for him.”

Wino has tried to keep the affair a secret, because she doesn't want Blaaake to find out. She's afraid he will do something to himself in the chokey.

Not only does Wino have a new boyfriend, but she's broken it off with her husband. She reportedly visited him in prison on Monday to end it for good. She called her financial advisors a couple of weeks ago to talk about how she's going to protect her $20 million fortune.

How can this be? Wino without a Blaaaake?! That's like a kitten without its purr. Aleeeeeex just doesn't have the same ring to it as Blaaaake does.

This Alex dude is not going to last. He looks completely normal, sane and sober which means he's all wrong for Wino. Wait, unless she starts corrupting. Poor Alex. In a few weeks, he'll be roaming the streets in a crack-induced coma screaming for his Wiiiiiino. He should run before it's too late.

This is the problem with Ashton Kutcher. This dumb bitch is kind of hot until he opens up his hole. Ashton wrote a column for Harper's Bazaar on his biggest turn-offs. And because you're dying to know, here they are:

Excessive perfume use: “If I can smell your perfume and we’re not making out, you’re wearing too much. More of a lot of things in life is better. Perfume does not apply.”

Big diamonds: “Women who wear big blingin’ stones don’t look like they have a lot of money; they look like they have a lot of someone else’s money. I don’t want my woman looking like she got bedazzled.”

Pantsuits: “I like seeing a female body as much as the next guy, but a midriff on display does not do it for me. By the same token, sexlessness is just that. I call it the Hillary Clinton Look. She would be so much more appealing if she just took off the pantsuit, took a lesson from Jackie Kennedy, and found her own Oleg Cassini.”

The perfume thing I get. The diamond thing, ok. The pantsuit thing?! What the hell is she supposed to wear? A fucking bikini?

And here's 3 of my biggest turn-offs when it comes to Ashton Kutcher:

1. When he opens his fat mouth
2. When he opens his fat mouth
3. When he open his fat mouth

He really should just stand there and look pretty.

Electrocute her ass! Mimi turned on the lights to the Empire State Building in NYC today to promote her new album. From April 25 to the 27, the building will be lavender, pink and white in her honor. She's probably creaming lamb juice over this.

How many hooker dresses can one ho have? Seriously. She has the same dress in ten thousand colors and fabrics.

These pictures of Mimi flipping the switch reminds me of that video from the 90s of the Brazilian TV reporter getting electrocuted by grapes! Click here if you haven't seen it. Don't worry! He didn't die....I think. No, he didn't die. I googled it.

A 42-year-old woman was stabbed in the neck and chest on Wednesday night by some crazy bitch, because she was too loud during an episode of "America's Next Top Model." Damn, I was upset that Lauren was eliminated too, but it's not that serious.

The victim and her friends were drinking beer and watching the show in a Seattle apartment when the crazy bitch told the victim to stop talking so loud during the show. The two started screaming at each other which led to a fight and one of them getting their hair pulled out.

The crazy bitch then pulled out a knife from a nearby apple and started stabbing the woman. Friends were able to break up the fight and the police were called. The woman was rushed to the hospital. She also told friends that her money was taken.

The fact that a knife was in an apple on the kitchen table tells me a lot. SeattlePi reports that the crazy bitch who stabbed the woman is still at large!

On the next Tyra Banks Show! Tyra talks about her near-death experience with a crazed stalker who stabbed another woman with an apple knife to get closer to her! TyTy is going to milk this shit.

VIA TMZ

Thanks Steven

Next time you see Squinty, make sure you curse her out and call her a name. She lives for it! It makes her feel like one of the "little people."

Squinty said, "I know that sounds so crazy, but I really cherish it when someone is mean, because they're just having a bad day and they don't recognize that you know Tom Cruise, and so they don't alter their behavior in any way. I love it. I love it when the stewardess is just nasty. I just cringe when she (the stewardess) comes back and apologizes because she didn't realize."

Um...the reason why they are being rude to her is because of Tom Cruise.

I'm with Squinty. I like it when people are rude to me. When a dumb skank gets bitchy with me, my face lights up. It's an open invitation for me to bitch them the hell out and dump all my frustrations on them. They asked for it! The black clouds suddenly part and the sun starts shining. It's the perfect therapy.

Source: SF Chronicle

Brooke Hogan almost ate this puppy while shooting scenes for her reality show yesterday. Luckily, the puppy bit her in the nuts and got away. Brooke is filming scenes on the campus of Florida Atlantic University for her show. The thing is, FAU was not her first choice or her second. It was her fourth.

19-year-old Brooke chose University of South Florida, Florida State University and the University of Central Florida as her first, second and third choices, but they denied her ass! The schools didn't want to deal with all the cameras and production team. They felt it would get in the way of the other students' education. So would having to stare at Brooke's adam's apple all day.

FAU still hasn't fully agreed to let her shoot on campus and Brooke hasn't been accepted yet. FAU told People, "The university would not agree to an arrangement that would be disruptive to the academic setting." So far, Brooke has only been allowed to shoot her tour of the school.

If that doesn't work out, I'm sure DeVry Technical Institute would allow her to shoot on their campus. They are serious about success!

Who the hell is voting for Chloe Lattanzi on "Rock the Cradle?" Ok, the better question is, who the hell is watching this show besides me? I mean, I vote for Chloe, because she's one of the greatest things to happen to music since Klymaxx. I have no idea who is keeping her on the show. There can't be that many Satan worshipers and plastic surgery addicts watching this show.

Anyway, Chloe once again shocked us all and was not voted out last night. She went on to perform her version of Korn's "Freak on a Leash." Freak on a fucking leash is right, but that's why I adore her ass. My ears are still in recovery from her performance, but that's fine. Hopefully, they will fully recover for her next musical butchering.

Get her hot lips a record deal already! Clip below:

All of Angelina's black clothes must be in the dirty laundry bin - Popsugar

Jodie Marsh can't stop flaunting her new freaky rack (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Heather Locklear is still really fucking hot - Egotastic!

Neve Campbell is naked! - Hollywood Tuna

Zac Efron is so butch - Just Jared

Jennifer Tilly is perfection - IDLYITW

Jakey Poo to open his own restaurant - Lainey Gossip

Fred Durst is looking old and beat - Hollywood Rag

Xtina's pussy pits - Cityrag

Chicken Cutlet's ass is out - A Socialite's Life

Madonna was on "Today" this morning to discuss her new chicken cutlets. Actually, she was on to talk to creepy Ann Curry about her documentary called "I Am Because We Are." It's about orphans in Malawi.

She also talked to Ann about her own experiences with adopting little David Banda. Madge said the adoption process has been difficult, confusing and invasive. She said she has been finger printed 20 times and has had social workers come through her home. Of course it's fucking difficult! She's adopting a kid not buying a Volkswagen.

Madge's faux British accent was intact through the whole interview. You know, it didn't bother me. I was too distracted with Ann Curry's creepy soft "interview voice." The bitch has serial killer voice! It's the voice you hear after you've been kidnapped and tied up at the bottom of a well. The serial killer crawls down, holds you, strokes your hair and tells you in creepy Ann Curry voice that everything will be okay. I'd rather hear Madge's phoney British accent than Ann's phoney "I care" voice.

Celebitchy has a transcript of the interview if you care. Below is the video, but let me know if there's issues with RedLasso. I stopped using that shit, because it was freezing up people's browsers (including my own). They claim they fixed their shit and I haven't had a problem, but let me know.

Here's some pics of Madge's new face at the Tribeca Film Festival premiere of documentary in NYC last night. I also threw in some Rosie O'Donnell.