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One of Titan's thighs is the size of your granny's Frigidaire, but don't let his brawn fool you. You know his bathroom cabinet is filled with perfume, bath salts, peeling masks, Feria and bronzers. Lots of bronzer. He probably uses bronzer as lube. That's how much he loves bronzer.

Yes, I'd hit it. The dick looks like it has some sort of growth defect, but that's never stopped me before. Besides, Titan probably cuddles like a lil' kitten.

Here's Titan with some of the other American Gladiators in NYC today. And there's no way I'd ever get with Wolf. He totally takes his character to the bedroom and I don't want some bitch growling in my ear while I'm trying to get to a higher place. That's distraction.

The other day I wrote about the gorgeous Sheyla Hershey, a mother and wife from Texas, who wants to take her FFF sized breasts to a GGG. The state of Texas won't let her, because that's gross. Sheyla was going to have the surgery done in Brazil, but it looks like she's gone to the land of plastic shiny things instead. Sheyla met with Dr. Rey from "Dr. 90210" today about making her mutant chest even more mutant-like. The bitch is going to look like the Hulk.

The face on the woman behind Sheyla says it all. The woman knows that she can't stare directly at Sheyla or she'll turn into rock hard stone. If she turns into stone, Sheyla will immediately mount and fuck the woman until she breaks. That wouldn't be a good thing.

That being said, Sheyla is just what Los Angeles needs. Another natural beauty!

While most of you were fighting your memaw for the last Swedish crepe at IHOP yesterday, Phoebe Price was busy doing some photo shoot on the beach. I'm sure it's for the cover of Vogue, a Detrol pamphlet or a Foster Farms ad. Whichever. PP doesn't care what the photo shoot is for! She does it for the work! Because being an International supermodel is all she knows! She was born to pose.

Wait a chicken cutlet minute!!! Is she wearing pink UGGs?! UGGGGGGs?! Okay, I can forgive her this time, because she was probably under a lot of stress from this major photo shoot. My PP and UGGGGs?! I need an enema.

Angie Jo brought Shiloh out of her golden tower for a few hours of shopping in Monaco. Angie likes to remind Shiloh how us peons live. Shiloh usually spends her days sleeping on a gold throne and bathing in ice milk. That's how she keeps her hair so golden. Duh!

Zahara can't believe she has to walk and she's over it. She would rather be home finishing her hair and painting her toe nails.

Oh and what's with all the black? How goth of them.

Gossip Girl star Chace Crawford was at the MET's Costume Institute Gala last week when Tommy Girl and Katie Holmes approached him and started gushing. A witness told Full Disclosure, "Tom and Katie went up to Chace to say how much they love him and the show. They didn't talk to any of the other cast members."

Tommy Girl is so obvious! I'm sure TG giggled like a teen girl in love and batted his eyes at his Chace. TG should have just invited Chace to his "office" for a special "audition" for the next Mission Impossible movie. Oh shit, he probably did. Poor Chace looks like a newbie. I don't know if he could take TG's super sized Xenu dildo just yet. You have to start with the E.T. dildo and work your way up.

Anyway, all the love for Chace has caused a little friction on the GG set. A source said, "Penn Badgley was supposed to be the show's break-out star and now it is obviously Chace, and Penn doesn't like it."

Chace is two hormone treatments away from becoming a truly gorgeous female. He's never done it for me.

Jimmy Fallon has officially been announced as Conan O'Brien's replacement to take over "Late Night" next year. Conan is replacing Jay Leno and Jay is.....well....who cares about him! The announcement was made at a press conference today even though it's been known for weeks.

When asked how much he's making, Jimmy said, “They’re paying me enough. I just want to live comfortably in Dubai.” Jimmy, save the bad jokes for your new gig.

I'm usually asleep, drunk, pooping or all of the above whenever "Late Night" comes on, so this doesn't affect me.

I really think Jimmy needs a unibrow. That space between his eyebrows is two big and he needs some fur in there to set it straight. Then he would really look like Bert of Bert and Ernie.

Source

I think My Little Pony Parker decided to pay homage to Mimi and Nick Cannon's wedding by wearing one of their centerpieces on her head to the "Sex and the City" premiere in London today. Kim Cattrall is totally flashing a cunty smile, because she's glad Pony showed up with fake green roses and butterflies on her head. Kim looks like a goddamn goddess compared to Pony.

Well, if Pony gets a little hungry, she can snack on one of the weeds in her hat.

Megan Fox goes topless for her "craft" - Hollywood Tuna

Brit Brit's boots from hell are back for Mother's Day - Popsugar

Hayden Panatroll is a total lesbo - IDLYITW

Blasphemy! Jamie Lynn Spears goes to church - Just Jared

Bai Ling goes topless....just because - Egotastic!

Vom! Tori Spelling's pregnant chichis (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Madonna is a SuperDiva - Hollywood Rag

Breakfast with Audrey Hepburn - Cityrag

Straight to DVD: Audrina Partridge will star in Into the Blue 2 - A Socialite's Life

Jackie Warner is such a dumb fuck - Towleroad

P.S. - The CAPTION THIS Contest will be back tomorrow as well as open comments. I promise...I think...

Now that Gay Al is free of Star, he's single and ready to tingle. Page Six reports that Gay Al hit club Home last week and spent most of his night with a lovely BBW. No, BBW does not stand for big, beautiful willy.

A cocktail waitress said, "He was at the bar with her. She was a pretty big girl. They were dancing to hip-hop and bobbing their heads. He had on a white button-down [shirt], open with a diamond necklace hanging out. And he was drinking all night with his pinky in the air." Of course he had his pinky in the air! Gay Al is a lady through and through. I'm sure the BBW was just Gay Al's drag queen coach. She's teaching him how to perfect his Aretha Franklin impersonation.

Diddy was also seen at the club....reading a book in the corner. Reading a book? Was this club in purgatory?

Fess up! Which one of you are responsible for chewing on Raven's eyebrows? I need to call this girl right away and let her know this is not the gorgeous chola look I had in mind for her.

It's like Raven was in the middle of shaving her eyebrows when she saw a Domino's commercial for their 4-4-4 deal. She dropped the razor, picked up the phone and completely forgot about her eyebrow situation.

Somebody please send this girl a Sharpie, so she can fix this.