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Wino is looking truly lovely in that picture above. I wonder if anybody has ever told her she should be a model. She really should. She's not "smiling with her eyes," but I think she's "smoking crack" with her eyes and that's more impressive. So....Wino visited Blaaaake in the chokey today to celebrate first wedding anniversary. Well, their first anniversary was really yesterday, but Wino was busy helping the needy and washing her hair. Yeah, I'm having a laugh.

Wino wore a special heart Blake pin in her hair. That heart is going to get lost in that crackhive and will never be heard from again. I'm sure it will turn up in your dryer while you're doing laundry this week. Your missing sock will show up in Wino's crackhive. See how that works?

Earlier today, Wino posed with some skater boys who knocked on her door. She's seriously becoming the crazy lady of her street that actually answers the door. When I was kid, our local crazy woman never answered the door. We constantly ding-dong-ditched her ass, but she would never answer. I wonder if Wino gives out crack rocks for Halloween?

Brooke Hogan's brother is in the chokey, her parents are divorcing and she is an emotional wreck. Pop Tarts reports that 20-year-old Brooke is slowly crumbling. A source told them, “She’s suffering the worst of all; she just can’t keep it together and has been hit the hardest." Boys don't cry, Brooke! Man up! Bitch just needs to slow down on the roids and double up on her female hormones and she'll be alright.

Hulk Hogan thinks that their reality show might be the cause of all their problems. He said, “I was offered lots of [reality] shows when I was making my career comeback against The Rock, but I kept saying no. But years later, it was my daughter’s career and son’s racing career that we were thinking about."

"We saw the Ashlee Simpson show and Jessica Simpson’s and Lindsay Lohan on the big screen and we just didn’t haven’t a vehicle to compete, but I considered it, because this time it was about the Hogan family rather than Hulk Hogan; they all wanted to do it and I tried to warn them about what they were in for. Now look what happened.”

Sure, blame reality tv! Fuck that. I blame roids, fake tanner, hair bleach and overall stupidity!

Thanks Ben

It's official! Katie Holmes will make her Broadway debut in Arthur Miller's "All My Sons." She's such a serious actress! The cast will also include John Lithgow, Dianne Wiest and Patrick Wilson. Patrick Wilson better watch his ass, literally. Tommy Girl is coming for it! Patrick is probably the reason Tommy let Katie do the play. His tongue is ready. Barfness.

Theater and dates will be announced shortly.

Playbill.com reports:

All My Sons tells the story of a man who hastily sold defective airplane parts to the Army, which caused the crafts to crash, killing 21 men. His crime, which he long had deflected by blaming his business partner, comes back to light as his son plans to wed the partner's daughter.

Sounds like a 2-hour nap to me! Katie Holmes live on Broadway? One of the animatronic characters at Chuck E. Cheese could probably give a more emotional and earnest performance than she can.

Ugh. This means Tommy Girl is moving to NYC. Great, just what this city doesn't need. More crazies!

Brit Brit Spears has reportedly returned from her weekend with Mel Gibson in Costa Rica. I wonder if they played spin the bottle and froze Daddy Spears' panties? Anyway, OK! Magazine reports that Brit was due back in Los Angeles early this morning for some kind of custody meeting.

A source said, "She has a previously scheduled custody mediation meeting. With the tight leash that her dad has on her, it would take an act of God for her to not be there." Um....a bag of Costa Rican Cheetos could probably keep her from getting on that plane. Wait, do they have South American Cheetos? Must. Check. At first I thought that said "meditation meeting." I was like, "That ho meditates?" I can hear her chanting, "Frappna-Cheeto-oooo, Frappna-Cheeto-oooo."

Here's some pics of Brit Brit boogie boarding in Costa Rica yesterday.

Brangelina is reportedly having fraternal twin girls in August and they can't agree on what to name the two messiahs. Gemini Angie wants to name the girls Castor and Pollux after the twin boys of her birth sign. However, Brad is not feeling it, because he doesn't want one of his daughters with a name “like a British cuss word." Bollocks! Yeah, and the other girl will be named after vegetable oil. Instead of the doctor slapping the babies after birth, they would slap Angie for giving them names like that.

Castor and Pollux sounds like a really fancy brand of douche. They should just name them Messiah 1 and Messiah 2.

Here's some pictures of Angie Jo and Brad in Cannes tonight. Brad looks like he needs to lay down in a dark, quiet room with a couple of cucumber slices over his eyes.

Hello Kitty has been named Japan's tourism ambassador! Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of Mimi frantically packing up her dog, unicorn dildo and boy toy and moving to Japan.

The tourism ministry has chosen the hottest pussy in the world as its choice to represent the country in China and Hong Kong. Hello Kitty is bigger than Elvis in those two countries, so officials are hoping she will help bring more tourists into Japan.

This is the first time Japan has named a fictional character as its tourism ambassador. Yes, Hello Kitty is a fictional character. Do you hear that sound? It's the sound of Mimi violently beating boy toy with unicorn dildo.

The Associated Press notes that "according to her official profile from Sanrio, Hello Kitty lives with her family in London. It does not mention how often she visits Japan."

If only fictional characters could hold positions of power in the United States. Yes, Dubya is not a fictional character. Sorry to break it to you.

Thanks Allison

MiserAlba's baby girl is popping out sometime this summer and she's already decided what kind of mother she's going to be. A miserable one! No, MiserAlba told FitPregnancy magazine, "I don't want to be my child's best friend; I want to be a mom. But I do want my child to come to me when they have problems and need to talk, so it's going to be about treading that line."

I WANT! I WANT! If only it was a perfect world, MiserAlba. She says all those things now. Wait until the thing pops out. She's going to treat baby the way most celebrities treat their babies:

Baby cries - Hand to nanny

Baby goes poopy in diaper - Hand to nanny

Baby needs a hug - Hand to nanny, unless cameras are around, in which case you must try to do it yourself with a smile.

I'm not sure if MiserAlba can handle the last one.

Okay, I adore bacon. If I could make sexay times with bacon, I would. I've tried, but it always seems to break before getting all the way in. I also love chocolate. If I could have a chocolate transfusion, I would. I just don't know how I feel about the two things together.

A candy shop in Santa Cruz called Marini's is selling chocolate covered bacon. I don't know whether to lick my chops or bust a chunk in a plastic bag.

I'm willing to give it a bite. Upon further googling, I found a recipe for this possibly delicious treat. I know what I'm doing this weekend. Frying, eating and barfing! My three favorite things.

Cut to Brit Brit who is not impressed, "Pff'! I've been eatin' that stuff fo' years. Mah mama je'e made it fo' Sunday breakfist. We had it wif possum an' eggs an' sanka cake!"

Source: The Stranger

Thanks Ed

9021-NOOOO! Above is a promo of The CW's 90210 and I'm not impressed. This shit looks like footage from a Christian rock video.

Whenever I hear the first few beats of the 90210 theme song, I'm expecting to see Brandon fake punch Dylan. Instead, I'm seeing two strangers playing pattycake. The producers need to hear my screams already! This show will be nothing without Brenda Walsh!

Okay, the Naomi bitch is sort of hot. You can already tell she's going to be the cokehead slut. Oh wait, this is The CW. They sanitize everything. She'll be the ciggie smoking serial kisser.

I'm still depressed. Below is the original intro for Beverly Hills 90210. Now this is the real shit right here!

Justin Timberlake will propose to She-Biel. Great, another douche wedding on the horizon - Hollywood Rag

Reese and Jake are together again. They look thrilled - Popsugar

10 toys that made you gay - Cityrag

Avril Lavigne is too sick to perform, well enough to party - A Socialite's Life

Taylor Swift is wet - IDLYITW

Danielle Fischel talks about being a slut (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Whitney Porn slips a nip - Egotastic!

Petra Nemcova's dress is falling off - Hollywood Tuna

Sacha Baron Cohen interviews Arnold Schwarzenegger as Bruno - Just Jared

Jean-Claude Van Damme thinks he's so fucking hot - Pink Is The New Blog