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First of all, I love the lady in the middle of those two leathery assholes in the picture above. She's hot. Anyway......

TMZ got a hold of several taped phone conversations between Nick Hogan and his family from jail. Yes, they tape that shit in jail, so keep your mouth shut the next you get arrested for DUI or prostitution. I know how you do it.

In one conversation with his mother, Nick starts balling like a hungry baby, because he wants to go outside. He doesn't even have a window! How am I going to sleep tonight knowing that poor Nick Hogan can't even look at the moon?

I'm sure the real reason he's crying has to do with his newly raw asshole. It's ok, Nick. The pain goes away after a few days. I'm speaking from experience, of course.

Nick also says that it's unfair he's in jail for a "car accident." He fails to mention the fact that his so-called best friend, John Graziano, is in a permanent vegetative state thanks to him. Click here to hear that conversation.

Even worse is a conversation Nick had with his daddy about John Graziano. Hulk actually said, "God laid some heavy shit on that kid, I don't know what he was into." Nick responds with, "He was a negative person." Nick quickly changes the subject by talking about some stupid ass reality project. Click here to hear that conversation

Eeesh. These chewed up pieces of jerky acted like they were so concerned during Nick's hearing. They cried about how John was a son to them and blah...blah...blah... Are they for real? We all know the answer to that one.

On that note, it's boozing time! I'll make sure to NOT think of Nick crying for mommy's fake bosom in his teeny tiny cell while I'm downing my 5th martini.

Vh1 has released the 5-minute long trailer of "I Love Money" aka "I Love STDs." This shit is like the Real World/Road Rules Challenges but skankier. That's hard to believe, because I'm pretty sure the RW/RR Challenges gave me a bad case of the clap.

I Love Money pits the whores of Flavor of Love, Rock of Love and I Love New York against each other as they battle it out for a $250,000. They can buy a lot of valtrex and Plan B with that money!

The show looks like it has everything any amazing reality should have: douche sex, screaming matches for no reason, overuse of the word "bitch" and Heather Chadwell! Ok, the show is missing three very important things. I'm talking about New York, Hottie and Lacey.

This shit is going to be a mess.

Click here if you can't see the vid above

Thanks Sadie

Robert Redford has finally decided to make an honest woman out of his girlfriend of over 10 years. 10 years! 71-year-old Robert has been dating 52-year-old Sibylle Szaggars since 1996. He told a German magazine, "We are engaged and very happy with that. Sibylle is my fiancee and that says everything, doesn't it?"

She's totally knocked up, isn't she? Those sinful sluts!

My mother is not going to like this news. She might even say, "SHOOT!" or "DARN!" And if she's really mad about it, she'll say, "OH FUDGE!"

Source

Thanks Dawn

I'm not sure if Celine Dion's wax figure looks exactly like her or if it sorts of looks like a cross-eyed chipmunk with a dirty wig on. Or both? However, the wax figure of Celine's pepaw husband looks exactly like him. It's not right. Why would anyone want a fucking wax figures of themselves? It's evil shit.

Here's Celine, Pepaw and their son, Rene-Charles, in France yesterday. Yes, Rene-Charles hair is looooooong. Don't hate. Lindsay Lohan would be so jealous.

Dating Terrence Howard's 14-year-old daughter is a dangerous game. Terrence recently admitted that he threatened to kill his daughter Aubry's boyfriend. He's totally not joking. T. Howard does not tell jokes.

Terry said, "She’s supposedly in love with some guy. I made her break up with him and I’ve threatened to kill him. I was like, you picked a green fruit from the tree that’s far from ripe." I would love to have seen the look on the boy's face after he said that. He probably thought, "I didn't fuck with his fruit trees!"

He's already warned Aubry that if she doesn't follow his rules, she'll be cut off. "I’ve set a lot of things aside for you, but those things are only yours as long as you’re obedient to me." That's exactly what you tell your daughter if you want her to be in rehab by 16 and knocked up by 17.

Terry thinks the dude might still be her boyfriend, so he's taking the next step into making sure their relationship ends. He said, "This summer I’ll take her off to another country where her phone won’t work, and he’ll start dating someone else."

Make sure to send plenty of baby wipes with her, Terry!

Source

This is a continuation of this post about a dude who has had sex with 1,000 cars. The FIVE channel in the UK did a documentary on his story airing next Wednesday. Can't The CW buy the US rights to this shit? Must see.

In the above clip, Edward talks about what it's like having anal sex with cars. Um.... I'll never look at a car the same way again. He talks about exploding...greasing.... I can't. Honestly, the hat on his head is more offensive than the story about him bumper fucking an automobile.

Thanks Amy

All those years with Gay Al should have taught Star Jones how to deep throat properly. Come on, Star! Swallow that shit in one shot. Gay Al would've had that thing halfway down his throat before the photographer could even think about taking his picture.

Star Jones is single, sexy and living it up in Cannes. The middle thumbnail looks like Gay Al's face after a night out with his "boys."

Star also kissed up to a friend's dog. That dog is gay! Star can't help it. Like a fly to fruit.....

Naomi Campbell celebrated her 38th Birfday in Cannes last night, but the night ended with Naomi in crocodile tears after Diddy threw her off his yacht! TMZ reports that Naomi showed up to Diddy's party and the two got into a major fight which led to Naomi being thrown off.

The Mirror claims the tears had nothing to do with Diddy. They were tears of joy! Naomi was so overcome with emotion from seeing her friends. False! Naomi does not cry and she certainly doesn't experience joy.

Naomi has also been getting shit for hanging around con man Christopher Rocancourt. She partied with him earlier last night and has been dragging him to other Cannes events.

And if all that isn't bad enough, Naomi will be charged for attacking a policeman at Heathrow last month. In case you forgot, Naomi was pulled off of a flight to Los Angeles after she threw a hissy fit over a lost bag. She allegedly shouted racial slurs, kicked, punched and spit at several cops. She is expected in court next week.

Poor Naomi. I feel for her. It must be hard being that bitchy. I pity her current assistant. You know she felt the wrath of Naomi last night. We should send her assistant a bullet-proof vest and armor suit for future use.

Cougar chichis!! - Egotastic!

The Jonas Brothers are the new Village People - Just Jared

Kim Kardashian sucks it in for Ralph Magazine - Hollywood Tuna

Asshole and Pete's fuglymoon - Popsugar

Uma Thurman's flat ass is at the beach (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

A tour of Tila Tequila's tattoos. Bring protection - Cityrag

Bethany Hamilton's one-armed lip gloss - Jezebel

Sheryl Crow goes to congress - A Socialite's Life

ICYMI: The chick Shania's husband dumped her ass for - IDLYITW

A close-up of Paula Abdul's cleavage. Just because - Hollywood Rag

P.S. - Thanks to Entertainment Weekly for mentioning Dlisted in this week's issue.

P.P.S. - Thanks to Logo for naming Dlisted the "Totally Most Raddest Sickest Blog Ever" at their NewNowNext Awards. Dlisted is also up for the audience award in the same category. Click here to vote if you give a half shit.

Lori Loughlin talked to OK! Magazine about the upcoming "90210" and she really should have kept her mouth shut! When asked about Brenda Walsh returning to the show, Lori said, “I don't think Shannen will. No. I don't think anyone wants to touch that.”

What does she mean by "touch that?" Touch greatness? Touch the best thing that happened to TV? She knows that if Brenda comes back, her days as the resident cougar on the show are numbered. And I used to like Aunt Becky....

Lori also said that she's heard talk of Luke Perry making a cameo. She confirmed that Tori Spelling is making a tiny cameo in the pilot and that she may shoot more scenes after she gives birth. Gross and gross.

It's not right, but it's okay. Brenda will get her revenge in the end!

In the clip below, Brenda finds herself in the middle of a robbery at the Peach Pit. How did she not win an Emmy for this shit? Riveting!