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Kate Hudson and Lance Armstrong are still slutting it up together. They have taken their act to Cannes! People reports the two were "dancing and kissing" at the Dolce and Gabbana party last night. A source said the two were dancing to old Madonna songs. HOMOS! Vintage Madonna makes Lance thinks of Jakey Poo. Can you imagine these two dancing? It's probably like watching two chickens mating.

The source said, "They were beaming at each other. So cute." Beaming?! That's called being "drunk as fuck !"

Another witness told UsWeekly, "While they were chatting, I'd notice that Lance would have his hand on the small of Kate's back, or his hand on top of hers."

He was holding down her hand, because she kept trying to grab his nut.

I give these slut whores one more week together. Kate gets around and so does Lance. Two whores don't make a right.

I just knew Rachael Ray was pure evil and now here's proof! Wonkette reports that a couple of right-wing political blogs are pissed off at Dunkin' Donuts for an ad featuring RR. You see, they think Rachael is wearing a kaffiyeh which means she's obviously supporting Palestinian hate and terrorism.

Makes sense to me! Send the bitch to Guantanamo Bay immediately!

Actually, I think I've seen this exact scarf at Urban Outfitters. Keffiyah or not, Rachael still looks like shit!

Kanye West has put out a second video for "Flashing Lights" and it gave my headache a headache. I already have a massive hangover and all these moving pictures are not helping. Damn. I need another drink.

The video is like a European Ross Dress For Less commercial. I don't think Europe has Ross, but if they did, this would be the commercial. Well, they would have to cut out the part where the chick gets mugged and assaulted.

I still prefer Kanye's first video of this song. I thoroughly enjoy watching jiggly booty and hot bitches beating ass.

Forget the question. Jacko is a wax figure! Homegirl is at least 80% wax and 20% artificial materials.

Those lips! Wack-O-Wax lips should be renamed Jack-O-Wax lips in his honor. I need to stop hating. Jacko is still the sharpest dressed lady in the business. Liza ain't got nothing on this bitch.

Jacko made a surprise appearance at Christian Audigier's tacky Birthday extravaganza last night. They really should have turned off all the lights before Jacko's ass came onstage. He could have melted!

Other guests at this classy affair included Pamela Anderson, Fuggie Fug and Mena Suvari. What the hell is on Mena's head?! I think I liked her better when she looked like a younger Hillary Clinton. Now she looks like an Ellen Degeneres/Portia de Rossi morph. She needs to dump the weave.

You have to love Daddy Spears. Bitch has no choice but to follow Brit Brit around to make sure she doesn't set anyone on fire or down a bottle of Peach Schnapps. It's a living! Anyway, Daddy Spears put on his JCPenney finest last night to escort Brit Brit to Christian Audigier's 50th Birthday party.

People reports that Brit Brit stayed in the VIP section, didn't touch booze and left after 90 minutes. Daddy sat near Brit with his head resting in his hands. He was tired as fuck after helping Brit squeeze into that tube dress. It took everything out of him.

Lezzy Lohan wore a ring on her engagement finger to last night's Dolce and Gabbana party in Cannes. You know what this means? A big ole' gayelle wedding! Break out the flannel and birkenstocks! We've got a gayelle wedding to attend.

Yeah, right. Lohan just wore the ring for attention. It's probably some glass shit from Claire's. Let's be real.

International supermodel, Phoebe Price, attended the same event and she also wore a ring on her left hand. It wasn't on her wedding finger, but she's trying to be slick. OMG! Eff Samantha Ronson! LL and PP are engaged! Sorry Rojo Caliente and Cynthia Nixon. There's a new hot, lesbian, ginge couple on the scene.

Sorry, I'm hungover......

Marcia Cross left Ken Paves salon yesterday looking like one of Tommy Cruise's girls. She fucking looks younger than Katie Holmes. If she had a bottle in her hand, I would have thought she was Suri Cruise.

Ken Paves must be stopped! He needs to be arrested and tried for crimes against beauty!

Thankfully, I'm pretty sure this is a cheap ass wig. Marcia would never erase the ginge. I hope....

Shauna Sand is an inspiration to mothers everywhere. She proves that you can be a devoted mother and a ravishing beauty at the same time. You don't have to compromise. How does she do it?

Although, I'm disappointed with her. Her daughters are old enough to be wearing matching lucite heels. Shauna, it's never too early to teach your daughters about elegance and luxury. Pass the torch.

Here's Shauna with her three daughters at Christian Audigier's 50th Birthday party last night in Los Angeles.

Let's check up on our little Crackie of Camden to see what she's up to. Hmm....looks the usual. A whole lot of crazy, crackhead behavior. It's springtimes which means that a lot of us are dumping out the old and cleaning the veggie spunk from underneath our fridges. That's exactly what Wino did last night......at midnight. Hey, midnight is the crackhead's noon.

Wino dressed up for the occasion in pink rubber clothes and protected her crackhive with a curtain. Seriously, it must have been a curtain. A regular handkerchief wouldn't cover that mess!

She later asked the paps if she could have some money to pay her driver. She repaid the paps by giving them clothes from her house that she was throwing out. Paid back in toxic materials! The paps could have probably gotten enough coke residue off her clothes to make an 8-ball to sell back to her. That's what I would've done.

If her singing career doesn't work out, Wino could be the next host of "How Clean Is Your House?"

Margarita Pracatan - Cuban singer and Manhattan Public Access star!

For Esdaile