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Brit & KFed 2.0 landed in Japan today and Mimi proudly showed off her wedding ring. The wedding ring she probably bought for herself! Nick is a smart dude though. He's holding on to Mimi for dear life. Shit, he would be stupid to let go of his money. He should put a baby leash on her ass.

It was rumored that Mimi was planning a massive $4 million second wedding in NYC next month. Mimi laughed off the rumors by saying, "4 milly? On what? Cake?" Well, yeah. I'm sure a fairytale wedding cake covered in crystal butterflies and unicorns doesn't come cheap.

You know, Mimi's delusional ass looks happy and that's all that matters. Ignorance is bliss!

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston have been keeping their relationship on the down low for at least three months prior to going public. That's what Page Six claims. Jenny and John went public earlier this month, but a source said they have been dating for much longer than a month.

The source said, "They'd been keeping it under wraps and hiding out together on their dates. Then Jen realized it wasn't just a fling and decided to take it public." Let me guess, this source's name is Emma Gellar? Emma was the name of Rachel and Ross's baby on Friends. Why do I know this crap?

They've been together 4 months? That's like 4 years in Hollywood time. They should already have a baby on the way, a wedding in the works and at least 3 break-up scandals under their belts. Get with the program, Jenny! Bitch needs to hire Papa Joe.

That dude behind Tony Romo in the picture above is amazing. Waaasted. Too bad he didn't yack all over Romo's back. So..... Papa Joe's fake love machine is still hard at work. Jessica Simpson and Romo were spotted having dinner at N9NE in Dallas reports the Dallas Morning News:

Saturday night, Tony and Jessica shared a corner booth for two at N9NE Steakhouse in downtown Dallas’ Victory Park. The couple said hello to Cowboys receiver/kick returner Isaiah Stanback who was dining at N9NE with his parents.

On the way out, Tony and Jessica stopped to say hello to another diner and play with her baby girl (foreshadowing?). For the record, Jessica had a steak and Tony had a burger.

She probably stuck the whole steak in her fat mouth too. You know this bitch eats with her mouth wide open with the meat flying everywhere.

In other news, I can't believe I'm posting this inane shit. Papa Joe has gotten to me! His pr magic is working on me. Must resist. MUST.

Brad Pitt and Angie Jo have emptied out their piggy banks to purchase a $60 million estate in the South of France. The 1,000 acre estate features 35 bedrooms, two swimming pools, two gyms, 20 fountains, a vineyard, a lake and moat. Damn! The only they are missing is a church where Brangaloonies everywhere can gather and worship Saint Angelina.

A source told E! News that the property is surrounded by a forest, so they will have complete privacy. They've already been moving shit in and have reportedly spent $1 million on furniture. The source said, "It's called Chateau Miraval in a village called Brignol, which is near from Aix-en-Provence. And it's absolutely unbelievable." They should rename the joint, Fort Maddox.

So this is where Brangelina plans to grow and train their child army! You know that's what they are doing.

Shauna Sand's exquisite lucite heels and I would like to wish you all a Happy Memorial Day! I won't be posting much today, because my good friend really needs me. My good friend Stella Artois! She's been down in the dumps lately, so she really needs me to hold, kiss and lick her. I hope she doesn't get jealous when I start giving some attention to Grey Goose later today. She hates that bitch.

Speaking of Shauna Sand's lucite heels, the bitch is putting out a line of shoes! The other day, she showed paps a pair of lucite heels from her new show collection exclusively for Big Lots. NO! Not Big Lots. I'm sure Shauna's classy whore shoes will only be available at the finest department stores in the world. Jimmy Choo and Christian Louboutin better watch their fucking asses.

Have a drunk and safe day everyone!

The Hogans need to be forced off the road already. Forced off the road and thrown in prison, just because. They can all share one cell together in the men's prison, because they are all dudes! Anyway, TMZ reports that Brooke Hogan was involved in a car accident in Florida early yesterday.

Brooke's fugly ass was driving in the center lane of Bayside Bridge when the car in front of her lost control while trying to switch lanes. The car hit Brooke's car and pushed her into a concrete wall. The cops say the accident was not Brooke's fault.

I still blame Brooke. The driver in front of her probably caught a glimpse of her fugly fug ass in his rear view mirror and this caused him to lose control.

Shortly after the crash, Brooke posted on her MySpace. Brooke credits her brother and John Graziano for reminding her to always wear a seat belt. As you know, John is still in a vegetative state in the hospital. Brooke wrote:

Seatbelts saved MY life today...

What happened to my brother and our friend John was horrible and very hard for both of our families. But I truly believe my brother and John saved My life and my best friends life.... I don't know if you heard, but my friend and I got into a really bad car accident today ourselves... As I turned on my car I clicked my seatbelt. As we pulled out onto the road, I looked over and realized my friend didn't have her seatbelt on. I reminded her to put it on and the minute she clicked it, a car crashed into us. It was a horrible car accident, one that most would be severely hurt in, but we had our seatbelts on and they kept us in tight. I have to thank my brother and my best friend John for teaching me an important lesson that saved our lives.

I know that because my family is under a microscope, the turn of unfortunate events are magnified and seem like they just keep on coming...And having everyone watching and commenting on our life is extremely hard. If I could stop it I would because it feels terrible. We try to stay away from it but can't help that its shoved in our faces. So please, if youre a supporter, please spread the good around cause its nice to have friends when things go awry. And for the haters, Im sure we're not the only ones you're hurting. I would hope people are never this mean to you because it makes things so much harder......You're human and so are we. Nothing different.

God Bless

~~~Hey this is Brookes friend and passenger, I just wanted to say that Brooke basically saved my life by making me wear my seat belt ....She is such a great friend and a good person! You all should know that! check out what I have to say on my MySpace... I'm on her top friends : La♥La

Brooke has since removed the post. This bitch needs to stay off her MySpace for good, because she's too stupid to realize what the hell she's typing. Sit that bitch in the corner and put a dunce cap on her head.

Kellye Nakahara - Nurse Kellye from M*A*S*H

Lenny Kravitz (44)
Ashley Massaro (29)
Matt Stone (37)
Kylie Ireland (37)
Helena Bonham Carter (42)
Genie Francis (46)
Bobcat Goldthwait (46)
Pam Grier (59)
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Stevie Nicks (60)