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I was busy getting drunk in a bar when I read that Harvey Korman died. At first, I thought it was Harvey Keitel and I wanted to slap a bitch for no reason. Actually, that's a good idea. Tomorrow, I'm just going to walk up to some stranger, slap them and say, "This is for Harvey Korman!"

Anyway, Harvey died today at the age of 81. Harv passed away at UCLA Medical Center after suffering complications from the rupture of an abdominal aortic aneurysm four months ago.

One of his daughters told CNN, "It was a miracle in itself that he survived the incident at all. Everyone in the hospital referred to him as 'miracle man' because of his strong will and ability to bounce right back after several major operations. Tragically, after such a hard-fought battle, he passed away."

In case you don't know, Harv is best known for "The Carol Burnett Show, " " and "Blazing Saddles"The Flinstones in Viva Rock Vegas." Ok, he's not best known for the last one, but I love that piece of trash movie.

Seriously, all the good have been going lately! If Charlotte Rae is next, I swear I'll jump out the window.

Harvey Korman forever! May he rest in peace.

There's too many awesome Korman clips to post, but here's one of him with Tim Conway:

Yesh, I would. Only because it's rumored that the dick is major. I would have to sit in a bath of nail polish remover afterwards to get the Simpson smegma off of me.

We would also have to "shave 'n fuck." That hairy patch on his belly is distracting. I don't mind landing strips, but that shit needs a little maintenance. I bet his peen bush is like the damn amazon jungle. You need a machete to get through that mess. I guess Jenny Aniston doesn't mind pubies between her teeth. Beggars can't be choosers!

Here's John in Hawaii this past weekend. Jenny wasn't with him. He needed to spend time with the "boys."

Lauren Hutton was on "Today" this morning with Kathie Lee to discuss dry vaginas or something like that. No, I don't know why her ass was on. Anyway, the topic of "Sex and the City" came up. Lauren said she's never seen the show, but she decided to babble about it anyway.

She said, "It's written by guys, who happen to be gay, who are sluts. That's what I think. Let's face it most men are sluts. That's what testosterone is supposed to do. As a hunter, if you stayed alive after 30, nature wanted your genes out there. Women were just trying to get the best sperm to make a masterpiece. You have a bunch a guys who are sluts, writing for women and telling them they are supposed to act like this."

Gappy finished with, "I've never seen the show. Are the girls like that or not?" She's never seen the show, but she thinks all the chicks on it are boning night and day? This ho needs to sit in the corner and finish her shredded wheat. Did somebody spike her Metamucil?

If the women of SATC are sluts then what am I? What's sluttier than a slut? Paris Hilton? The only official member of The Slut Club on that show was Samantha.

What's wrong with being a slut anyway? She's right about one thing. Most men are sluts. Being a dirty slut is a beautiful thing. Having no morals means you have more fun.

Also, what the hell does she mean when she said "women were just trying to get the best sperm to make a masterpiece." Gayken's baby mama (see below) must be trying to make a Picasso then.

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I read this story about Harry Ford and Calista Flockhart getting engaged and it said he was 65. That old ass pepaw is only 65?! I'm not joking. I seriously thought the pepaw was at least 85. At least. Wasn't he like 40 when he did the Star Wars movie?s And Calista is only 43! Damn, these two whores are sucking out each other's youth. Let's hope they never have babies because Calista will give birth to a 30-year-old. You know Harry has some aged sperm.

Anyway, Harry and Calista are reportedly engaged. Sources say he popped the question on April Fool's Day. Never trust a bitch that will ask you to marry him on April Fool's Day. She should have that ring checked out STAT. It's probably made from recycled coke bottles.

The source said the couple of 5-years plan to get married this summer. This will be Harry's third marriage and Calista's first. I hope they dress up his walker with pretty flowers and shit. There's no way he's going to be able to stand at the alter without some help.

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I'm convinced that Marc Jacobs is playing a big ass joke on Posh. One night, he's going to invite her to a big party and hang all her fugly ads all over the room. She's going to walk in and he's going to shout "Punk'd!!!" and everyone will start laughing at her. She'll try to cry, but we know that bitch can't produce tears. If she did cry, her skin would quickly suck it up. She has the Sahara desert on her face.

She looks like a Stepford wife who got a shot of the bad shit. I hope this bitch is getting paid a grip to make a foolio of herself!

This bitch is drunk again! Bat Boy needs to throw Xtina in rehab already. Rehab for booze and red lipstick addictions. Hey, if Kiki can go to rehab for depression, Xtina can go to rehab for red lipstick addiction. Anyway, tranny clown had to be helped to her car last night as she left the Bel Air Hotel. Don't tell me she was just sleepy! The bitch is trying to stop the world from spinning so she doesn't barf.

I bet barfing doesn't even fuck up the 20 layers of whore paint she has on those lips.

Clay Gayken really does shake ovaries! Ugh. That made me sick. TMZ reports that Gayken is going to be mama je'e. More like a gaya je'e. Sources tell them that Gayken's best friend, 50-year-old Jaymes Foster, is knocked up with his spawn! She's the sister of David Foster and is also a music producer herself. She's produced several of Gayken's records and now she's producing his baby.

Jaymes is a divorcee with no kids. She's apparently due in August. She was artificially inseminated with Gayken's sperm and he plans to take an active role in the kid's life.

Great. This is going to make those 50-year-old Claymates in mom jeans even crazier. They are going to shake their ovaries at Gayken hoping he will impregnate their old asses.

Below is a picture of the two proud mommies.

Admit it. You love their fakery - Egotastic!

Clive Owen shirtless. Enough said - Popsugar

Maria Sharapova's anal sex faces (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Cate Blanchet said what? - IDLYITW

Sienna Miller is "totally in love" with that shaggy-haired blonde dude - Just Jared

Ceiling eyes and her hills - Hollywood Tuna

The Hoff in a seriously sexy shirt - Hollywood Rag

Celebrities separated at birth - Cityrag

David Cook comes out on top - A Socialite's Life

Wino goes to Cambridge.....sort of - The Bastardly

Miley Cyrus' "first kiss" photo worth $150k? - Defamer

It was rumored that Nicole Kidman was going to pose nude and knocked up for a magazine shoot shot by Patrick Demarchelier. Nicole has denied she's going to take it all off. Hmmm.... I wonder why? Is her pillow camera shy?

Nicky said, "'It's total nonsense. It was not that kind of a shoot. It's madness to think I did that or was even asked to do that. I'm just looking forward to having and caring for our baby."

They probably tried to shoot her nude, but the Photoshop and CGI technology needed to make it look real hasn't been invented yet.

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