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I just sat (and drank) through 2 hours of the shit show known as the MTV Movie Awards. Alien Princess RiRi looked as about excited as I was during the whole show. Did you see her straight-up "bitch" face the entire time? I think she was sitting near Wonky McValtrex, so she could have just been smelling her stank.

It was all worth it though. Johnny Depp and his lesbian bike messenger haircut made it worth it. He won a couple of awards for being a sexy whore or something like that. He also spoke in some creepy accent. Who cares though? I won't have to listen to his accent when I'm sitting on his face. Seriously, I would kick kittens while sitting on his face if that's what he wanted.

And since I'm a buzz killer, here's some pics along with Tommy Girl. If I don't add a little bit of fugness to this post, it will explode from the sheer hotness of Johnny Depp. Tommy Girl presented Adam Sandler with some stupid award. Tommy only wanted to be there because he heard Zac Efron was in the house. You know Tommy wants to work that femme over.

Licking SamRo's gigantic clit agrees with Lindsay Lohan. Ok, I don't know for a fact that SamRo is hung in the clit department, but I have a feeling. She has that cocky smirk about her. Anyway, Lezzy doesn't look like a 45-year-old cocktail waitress for once. She looks like a 35-year-old cocktail waitress. Hey, that's an upgrade!

Here's Lezzy at tonight's MTV Movie Awards. Is she wearing suede napkins? I also hope she's wearing squirrel covers under there, because a slight wind will expose SamRo's favorite box of peppers.

Liv Tyler deserves at least 100 of those cheap ass MTV Movie Award popcorns for holding her smile while standing that close to Rumer Willis. Liv is a nice woman, so she's thinking, "Hmmm....interesting." Actually, Liv is probably stoned. She's excited because she thinks she just caught a giant, fried tater.

Here's Liv with Tater Head at the MTV Movie Awards tonight.

As soon as I finish this cocktail, I'm going to enroll into weekend online law school! Phoebe Price needs vindication and I feel I'm the only one that can properly represent her. You see, on Friday I posted a sad story about PP getting DEE-NIED from the opening of the Chanel store in Los Angeles even though she was invited. She has the e-mail to prove it! A total tear jerker.

Well, Chicken Cutlets told TMZ that she's planning to sue Chanel if she doesn't get an apology by next week. She also wants the "PR girl" that denied her, fired. Fuck that! I want that dumb bitch PR girl sent to death row! What she did to PP was a sin and a crime! PP is a fire angel sent from the chicken cutlet heavens to bless this world with a little glamour! That PR cunt hurt an angel!

Like she says on the video, PP is from the south where people are nice and sleep with their first cousins. Ok, she didn't say that last part. I was joking! Damn. It's the Ketel One talking.

Hear PP's cry below:

Yves Saint Laurent died today in Paris at the age of 71. His close friend, Pierre Berge, confirmed his passing and would only say he died this evening after a long illness. He did not give any other details.

Yves retired from haute couture in 2002.

Sad.

Source: AFP

I know Asshole's the one carrying eyeliner baby, but Jessica looks like she's holding something too. That dress from the Angelina Jolie maternity collection isn't helping either. Seriously, Jess is the knocked up one and Ass is just pretending. Pete Wentz's vagina jizz can't make a baby! If Asshole's baby doesn't have a chin that sweeps the floor, we'll know who the real daddy and mommy is.

In other Ass news, UsWeekly reports that she's postponed her summer concer tour. Her rep said, "After careful consideration, Ashlee Simpson has decided to postpone her summer tour. She is committed to giving her fans the best show possible, and will be back better than ever and ready to rock in the future."

Summer concert tour? Papa Joe is delusional! Where the hell was she planning on playing? Mini-mall parking lots and middle school cafeterias? The dumb bitch couldn't sell out my bathroom. Besides, there's already enough stinky shit in there. Badum-ching!

Universal Studios is currently on fire and LAist reports that the King Kong ride has been destroyed. NOOOO!!! I lost my virginity on that ride. Not really, but it would have been really sad if I did. The fire also completely murdered the New York Street, Courthouse Square and Hill Valley. The video vault is on fire and the plastic from the video archives containers is what's causing that nasty ass black smoke.

The fire started sometime between 4:30-4:45 this morning. TMZ reports that there's no reports of boo boos and fire hos are currently trying to figure out how this shit started.

The MTV Movie Awards is set to take place at Universal today. The fire has not affected that shit and Marc Malkin reports that the awards show will go on as planned.

Birthday: ?
Age: 45
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: May 25, 2008
Claim to Fame: Sonia stars in the reality show "Operación Repo." I'm pretty sure they only show this shit in California. The show follows repo dudes and chicks in Southern California. Sonia is the manager!

Where is he now? Rumors has it that they are currently shooting "Operación Repo: The Movie." YES! Sonia on the big-screen.

Why is he HS of the Week? She's a cholita from the dark side. Enough said.

I've tried to find one good thing to say about these Xtina pictures and I can't. I lose. There's too much information to process.

I can't call those things chichis. Those vein nuts give all good chichis a bad name. I'm also convinced that this bitch just adds ice water to her face and the 10-pounds of make-up magically appears. She's like that fucking Lil' Miss Make-Up doll from the 80s.

Here's tranny clown at LAX in Las Vegas last night.

George Clooney's mannequin call girl is on her own now that he's cancelled his lease with her. Sarah Larson put on a brave face to attend the opening of Palms Place Hotel in Vegas last night. Scratch that. Her brave face is her only face. That shit don't move. It takes a skilled wax artisan a couple of hours to give the ho a different expression.

Yes, Sarah was a guest at last night's party. The ho better not get too comfortable because she'll be back to serving Jello shots in a bikini next week.

Verne Troyer and Constantine Mouralis were also at the party. Sarah better have turned up the charm to snag one of these eligible bachelors. Although, I don't know if she can handle Connie's magnet stare. That shit could melt her wax ass.