Archives

HoHan was back to kissing boys on the set of her new straight-DVD movie masterpiece today. Actually, they aren't really kissing. They're just touching lips for a long period of time. That's some pilgrim shit! I hate when dumb sluts do that shit in movies and TV. I want to see open mouths and tongue! I mean, who kisses without tongue? Why bother!

At least HoHan's pecking partner was kind enough to get a lesbian haircut in order to make her feel more at home.

Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson are back together and giving their love another shit (typo, but keeping it). This is the 12,345th time they've tried to make it work, but who's counting?

Tommy told Rolling Stone, “Pamela and the kids have moved in with me. It’s awesome, man. It’s definitely working. You can tell on the kids’ faces — they’re happy when we’re together.”

They've both fucked everyone else in Hollywood, what's left to fuck? They should seriously just tie their genitals together and stay put! They are the hep love story of our time!

Romeo & Juliet, Antony & Cleopatra, King Arthur & Guinevere, Rhett & Scarlett and Pammy & Tommy. They totally fit.

Amy Wino is expected to wow a crowd in Russia tonight with her dead cat singing voice and heroin shake moves. According to Reuters, Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich has hired Wino to perform at the opening of his girlfriend's art gallery. Wino is reportedly being paid $2 million for the gig. He could've just paid her in horse hair and crack rocks.

Why in the helly hell would you want Wino to sing at your party? She's only going to show up hours late, curse out your guests, dedicate every song to her "Blaaaake," fall off the stage, sneak bumps in between each song and accidentally expose her vaginahive at least once. Wait, that sort of sounds like my aunt at every family Christmas party. Crazy Russian billionaire should've hired my aunt instead! She would've done it for free! She loves attention and borscht.

Below are some pictures of Wino looking sexy hot while handing out ice pops to the paps. Don't take candy from a stranger and don't take ice pops from Wino.

A source on the set of the gay orgy known as "High School Musical" told Star Magazine that Cover Girl Zac Efron hates showering.

The source said, "Zac isn't a big fan of showering. It's so gross, because Zac loves to work out and plays basketball all the time — and then goes days without showering. When he gets lazy, he likes to clean himself with baby wipes!"

BABY WIPES?! Terrence Howard is in love.

Why bother showering when you're basically made out of make-up? He just covers up the sweat with more foundation. Besides, bitch probably saves his "drop the soap" time for the gym.

Image: Fame

Shauna Sand is kicking herself with her own exquisite lucite heels for not coming up with this mess! Some bitches have come out with high heels for your baby tranny! Heelarious High Heels are "extremely funny, completely soft, fully functional high heel crib shoes" that come in only one size (0-6 months).

You know, maybe this isn't such a bad idea. Train your prostitot to walk in these things and then buy her one of those pole dancing toys. With just a few hours of practice a day, she'll be ready to work the clubs full-time. After a few weeks, you can quit your job, stay home and watch Maury while your baby pays the bills.

Seriously, this shit is not "heelarious."

VIA Crunk + Disorderly

Thanks Jodie

I post so much fugliness on Dlisted all day long that it's nice to see some good old fashioned hotness every now and again. I'm not being sarcastic either! It's also pretty fucking strange when I don't have one bad thing to say. Trust me. I've searched deep into my bitter heart for at least one bad thing to say and I've come up with nothing. I'm sure you grouchy bitches have a few.

William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman are like cute little kittens. I just want to throw a ball of yarn at them and scratch the back of their ears.

I'm also happy that I finally know what Ned Flanders looks like shirtless. DILF!

This isn't the first time that we've heard that John Mayer will have your coochie screaming "mercy!!" It's already been rumored that his dick is major and that he knows how to fuck. A "friend" of John's backed up these claims to OK! Magazine.

The "friend" said, "John is good in bed. Not just good, but sensational. Every girl I know who has slept with John says it was the best sex of their life. I'm not sure what exactly he does in bed, but after girls sleep with him, they're ruined. They get totally hung up on him and want more! Whatever John's secret is, he should market it. He could retire from the music industry."

Hmmmm...I know which "friend" said this. Rachel Green! We get it, Jen. You're fucking John Mayer and the sex is fantastic. Good for you. Give yourself a hug. You don't have to remind us anymore, so you can go back to sticking pins in your Angie Jolie voodoo doll.

Not only is Douche Mayer a master at sexy times, he's also a comedian! He left a pharmacy with the words "experimental human growth hormones" written on his bag. Oh John, save it for the sack.

A friend of twin trolls, Ash and MK, claim they say the word "prune" while getting their picture taken to achieve the perfect pout.

Another source could not confirm this explosive new tidbit of information. They told OK! (via MSNBC), “It could be true (that they say prune) but unfortunately I can't say — they like to keep their personal lives personal. They do care about their smiles though. Mary-Kate has slightly thinner lips and more of a playful grin, while Ashley tends to go for a full-on pout. It has been the obv(ious) way to tell them apart for years.”

They probably chose the word prune because that's the only thing they eat all day. The source could have also heard wrong. They were really saying the word "poo" because their laxatives were starting to kick in.

I need one of those in my life right now! The best part of the Pink Panther pop is the eyes. I can spend forever slowly biting his eyes off. It's rude and disturbing, but whatever gets me through the day.

Here's Lily Allen eating one of my favorite things in the world in Hollywood yesterday. She also got a manicure and really should have asked one of the kind ladies to touch-up her roots with hot pink nail polish.

Oh and I've included a picture of her at the ATM. You know what to do!

Christian Audigier of Ed Hardy loves giving tacky ass clothing lines to crazy people! There was rumors he was going to work with Brit Brit on a t-shirt line and now he's in clothing line talks with the Queen of Crazy herself, Jacko! And no, they aren't putting out a line of straitjackets.

A source told Life & Style, “It’s still in the developing stages, but it’s going to be big. This will be a major comeback for Michael. He’s dedicating a lot of his time and money to this venture.”

What money?! He probably got a loan from Bubbles, but vendors aren't going to like it when he tries to pay in bananas.

What the hell kind of fugly ass shit is he going to design anyway? Military pants with easy access holes and special pockets to hold your Jesus Juice? "Don't Tell Anyone" t-shirts and underoos? Not right.